Hi! My name is Leo. I'm a 28 year old latino living in Madrid.

I was born in Venezuela, a country that hardly needs any introduction: I spent my teenage years fearing for my life due to the high criminality, hungry due to the lack of food and basic items, not knowing who among my friends would disappear next to the hands of the army or because of organised crime. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 14 and never felt like Venezuela was my home. So I moved away in 2017, when I was merely 19. I had to find a way to build my life from scratch, all by myself, in a brand new continent, with no family to back me up.

And I was doing quite well. But,

5 years ago, during the pandemic, I went through an extremely tough depression that brought with it several attempts against my own life. I lost my job, my friends, my partner at the time.

Here's one of the many reports from the ER and the psychiatric ward that I was admitted to for some time:

Translation:

"MSE (Mental Status Examination): Alert and oriented in all 3 spheres. Approachable and cooperative. Normal attention/concentration. Well-groomed appearance. No psychomotor disturbances. No lability. Spontaneous and fluent speech, coherent and structured discourse focused on recounting life events in an organized and appropriate manner. No alterations in the course, form, or content of thought. Subdepressive mood with frequent emotional instability, short periods of apathy (alternating with euthymia), lack of drive and difficulty concentrating, without frank or endogenous depressive symptoms as described, and without neglect of self-care, clinophilia, or other signs. No psychotic symptomatology. Acknowledges a tendency toward impulsivity and difficulty managing emotions in stressful or frustrating situations. No self-injurious ideation at the present time; reflects critically on the self-injurious attempt, distancing herself from it and recognizing it as an impulsive act driven by anger. Congruent affect. No auto- or hetero-aggression. Sleep globally preserved. No notable alterations in appetite. Reality judgment preserved.

DIAGNOSIS

Self-injurious attempt, medication overdose

Adaptive depressive syndrome"

One of the many reports from my psychiatrist:

Translation:

"25-year-old patient under follow-up at our Community Mental Health Center (CSM) since 2019, when he was referred from Primary Care for clinical assessment of depressive symptomatology.

One hospital admission in May 2021 at the Clinical Hospital following a self-injurious act.

Under psychological follow-up since 2021. Previous pharmacological treatment with Fluoxetine and Bupropion.

Medical History: At a developmental level during 2023, an affective state with depressive symptomatology has predominated, with a tendency toward chronification due to underlying character traits. Limited response to pharmacological treatment.

At a clinical level, depressive character traits predominate, with partial anhedonia, asthenia, occasional insomnia, and apathy, leading to periods with a tendency toward clinophilia and abandonment of daily routines and tasks.

Social network present but with limited continuity. A certain degree of conflict with the family of origin, as reported by the patient.

As a significant biographical stressor expressed by the patient, a romantic breakup is noted, involving a relationship in which he had a certain degree of dependency.

At present, a limited socio-family support network is observed. No persistent occupational activity routines, given the clinical characteristics described above.

He has been referred to a specific therapy resource for addressing the patient's psychopathology (UTA — San Carlos Clinic)"

My therapist's diagnosis:

Translation:

"PRINCIPAL DIAGNOSIS

F33.9 – RECURRENT DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, UNSPECIFIED

F60.3 – EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER

OTHER DIAGNOSES

COMPLEX TRAUMA

PROCEDURES

TREATMENT AND RECOMMENDATIONS

REFERRED TO THE PERSONALITY DISORDERS DAY HOSPITAL AT SAN CARLOS CLINICAL HOSPITAL, WITH AN APPOINTMENT IN SEPTEMBER 2024 TO BEGIN INTENSIVE TREATMENT AND DAILY CARE.

The long-standing emotional instability, self-destructive behaviors and ideation, and the pattern of intense and unstable relationships create in the patient a GREAT VITAL VULNERABILITY which, combined with economic vulnerability and lack of support — in a situation of immigration — REQUIRES DAILY TREATMENT IN AN INTENSIVE RESOURCE for improvement."

And it's only in the past year or two that I've begun rebuilding my life after a lot of therapy and patience and help. But at the time, my depression kept me from getting a job. I was lucky enough to have an 800€ pension that lasted for three years, until 2024 (more on that later), which was when they realised that deeming me unfit to work was also a factor that kept me at home, unmoving, spiraling. I wasn't ready to get a job back then, so I started accumulating debt to pay for rent, for food, for my bachelor's degree in psychology that I left halfway done when I fell into this depression.

These loans would also run out, and all my plans to get help would fail.

Plan A was to get my pension back. I talked to lawyers, social workers, friends, doctors, and they were all baffled at the board that reviewed my case: everyone agreed I was not ready yet to start working again, and I proved it to them and to the board with documents from my psychiatrist and psychologist, from my GPD, from the people at the hospital I had to go to every single day. But their decision was final. I wasn't getting that pension back.

Translation:

"By resolution of the provincial directorate of this National Social Security Institute, which will take effect on 01/04/2024, and in view of the documentation forming part of the file for the review of the degree of permanent disability currently recognized for Mr./Ms. RAFAEL LEONARDO SANTELIZ MATEU, initiated under the provisions of Article 200 of Royal Legislative Decree 8/2015, of October 30, consolidated text of the General Social Security Law (BOE 31/10/2015), in the exercise of the powers conferred by Article 6.1 of Royal Decree 1300/1995, of July 21 (BOE August 19), and by virtue of the following:

FACTS:

That Mr./Ms. RAFAEL LEONARDO SANTELIZ MATEU, born on 06/11/1997, with Social Security affiliation number [redacted], has been recognized by resolution of this Entity dated 14/09/2022, with a permanent disability pension at the grade of Absolute Permanent Disability arising from the contingency of common illness.

That an ex officio review proceeding of the declared degree of permanent disability has been initiated in order to assess the progress of his conditions and evaluate his current situation.

That the Disability Assessment Team, in its session of 12/03/2024, issued the required advisory opinion and proposal.

LEGAL GROUNDS:

Royal Legislative Decree 8/2015, of October 30, approving the consolidated text of the General Social Security Law (BOE October 31, 2015); Royal Decree 1300/95 of July 21 (BOE 19/08/95); Article 40 of the Ministerial Order of 15/04/1969; and Royal Legislative Decree 2/2015 of October 23, approving the consolidated text of the Workers' Statute Law.

RESOLVES:

To review the Permanent Disability at the grade of Absolute Permanent Disability, arising from the contingency of common illness, which was recognized by this National Social Security Institute, and in view of the current clinical situation reflected in the advisory opinion and proposal, to declare that he is not currently affected by any degree of permanent disability, thereby revoking the economic benefit he has been receiving.

All of this without prejudice to any rights that may correspond to him regarding unemployment or welfare benefits before the competent bodies.

Against this resolution, a prior claim may be filed before the jurisdictional route with this Provincial Directorate, within 30 days counted from the day following the date of receipt, in accordance with the provisions of Article 71 of Law 36/2011, regulating social jurisdiction, of October 10 (BOE of October 11)."

Plan B was to get a minimum income aid that was put in place during the pandemic here in Spain, or as we call it, the IMV. I applied back in 2024... then in 2025.... and then again in 2026. I got the same response every time: no. Paradoxically, one of the requirements to request this IMV is to have worked for a few months in the past year. I, as you know, didn't - or rather, couldn't. This lead them to believe I was living with my parents, which is entirely untrue, as proved by this post alone. I tried telling them, I made appeal after appeal but their decision was also final: no.

Translation:

"Reference: 1/28/2025/011218330 — MADRID

The provincial director of the National Social Security Institute has resolved to deny your application for the Minimum Vital Income benefit, as indicated at the bottom of this document.

If you do not agree with this resolution, you may file a prior claim before the jurisdictional route with the Provincial Directorate of your place of residence within 30 working days counted from the notification of this resolution, in accordance with Article 71 of Law 36/2011, of October 10, regulating social jurisdiction (BOE of 11/10/2011).

You may submit your claim through the IMV page of the Social Security at https://imv.seg-social.es, by postal mail, or in person at a Social Security Information and Attention Center (CAISS) by requesting an appointment at telephone 901 10 65 70 / 91 541 25 30 or at www.seg-social.es.

REASON/S FOR DENIAL

Reason for Denial: Being under 30 years of age and not having been registered as an active worker under any Social Security scheme for at least 12 months in the 2 years immediately prior to the application, and not being exempt under the exceptions provided by the governing regulation pursuant to Articles 10.2, 21.4, 21.5, and 21.6 of Law 19/2021, of December 20.

Reason for Denial: Being under 30 years of age and not having resided at an address other than that of the parent(s), guardian(s), or foster carer(s) for the 2 years immediately prior to the application, and not being exempt under the exceptions provided by the governing regulation pursuant to Articles 10.2, 21.5, and 21.6 of Law 19/2021, of December 20."

Plan C was to get a scholarship from the ministry of education while I finished my degree. Those had been enough to barely scrape by before. I applied for one in the 2024-2025 course, and it got rejected because, and I quote, "my income was lower than my expenses". After asking for clarification, they told me that, since I spent more than I earned, they could only guess that I had parents helping me out, which I didn't specify in the request. I don't. I was raised by a single mother that passed away from cancer when I was 14. My income was lower than my expenses and that was precisely why I needed help. But their answer was final: no. I decided to apply for it again in the current course, 2025-2026. But as I signed up for this last year of my bachelor's, I saw the option for this scholarship wasn't there as it always was. I looked around and found out they had moved the call for applications to 3 months prior. I didn't know. The window was closed. I emailed them, apologised, explained my situation, and begged them to let me apply but, as you can imagine, their decision was final: applications could only be submitted during the April window.

Plan D was finding a job. Which I only found myself strong enough to do last year. But given the schedule I had to follow for my studies, spending upwards of 11 hours on campus twice or three times a week, I couldn't find anything at all. I was beginning to think I may be overqualified, and putting an almost-finished degree in psychology deterred employers from hiring me. I WAS looking for low, level-entry jobs. McDonald's, Starbucks, your local sandwich place, your local cafeteria. Nothing. The two or three job interviews I had in the past 8 months didn't go anywhere.

I have finally landed a job, in fact today April 28th is my first day. But in June 16th I'll have to quit: I have an internship to complete as my final step before getting my degree. And it's a 35-hour week, which makes it outright impossible to do while having this job, or any other for that matter given the legal limitations.

And that's why I'm here. I am drowning in debt, I pay rent like any zillenial, and I am finally, finally getting back on my feet after this horrible depression that took so much work to crawl out of. I'm finally taking my life back. I'm studying and working and have rebuilt friendships and even my therapist told me I'm free to go. I just need one last push to make it. Please. I have 4€ in my account. I have no one else. I don't know what I'll do if this fails.

Even if you can only give a little, it'll be enough.

The goal amount will cover the 500€ I pay for my loans every month, 390€ for rent, and ~300€ in bills, food, and transport. I pay my rent every 6 months, and split my bills halfway with my roommate, so every six months I have to pay 2340€, specifically in August and February.

Translation:

"FOURTH: RENT

Rental Income

4.1 Both Parties agree to set an annual rent of NINE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EUROS (€9,360.00), to be paid by the Tenant on a semi-annual basis in two equal payments of FOUR THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EUROS (€4,680.00) each.

4.2 Failure to pay one (1) monthly rent installment shall be sufficient grounds for the Owner to terminate this Contract and pursue eviction proceedings."

Thank you. Thank you for reading, for sharing, for helping. You all are saving my life that took me so long to get back.