Help me get out of this situation. Emergency.

I'm desperate. Please, help. I'm ashamed that I have to ask for help. I'm ashamed that I have to publicize what I'm going through making myself vulnerable just to receive aid, but this is an emergency. My pride cannot override common sense, natural instinct, my direct survival, & the survival of my babies. I need assistance from my community ASAP to escape this ongoing destructive environment w/ this abusive individual. I need to create a safety net for myself, my daughter, & my unborn baby boy. Via resources & money. Food & shelter (just for us) so I can raise my family in the comfort of our own privacy in peace. I do not want to live w/ my family or his family. Or him.

Since I clearly cannot rely on a man to do it w/o presenting me w/ abuse, alcoholism, rage, & complaints. Or rely on a man to house me (along w/ the family he created) w/o him also wanting me to toil while mistreating me cuz he can't find a way to be the man while I do my part in the house or I will be subjected to a unhealthy unmanicured roach infested dirty trailer home filled w/ his abuse in the future then I don't want him near me or benefitting off of anything I do from this point on. I don't want that & I never have. If I don't want that & he doesn't want to do better or claims that he can't, I don't have to accept it. My baby's don't need to see him either if that's the behaviors he has been presenting me w/ anyways since they're abusive at the foundation.

I need my own things immediately. I'm hoping this fundraiser can help me in the start-up phase. I know I can do this w/o him (getting better results then what he wants to provide me w/). Especially, when I start working again as soon as I'm able to. If I have to do it alone then I don't want him or any man around me being a parasite yet acting like women are that tbh. I want nothing to do w/ him or this situation. That's why I'm making this go fund me. Once I'm gone, I'm gone. I do not want to go through domestic violence again or be subjected to a man that dislikes me seeing me as only a tool for himself anyways while not even benefitting me. 

This situation has taught me to not join things w/ a man or think about it. Absolutely not. Thank God I'm not married to him. That man will consider your money to be his money too when you're w/ him while HIS MONEY IS ALSO HIS MONEY. He gets to spend money on himself, fishes, some birds, toys for himself, gadgets, memberships, car washes, toy cars, but not you, or getting you a car so you have the means to get to work or get things when that time comes, or anything in bulk that's new for the unborn baby, or the current one, or the things you actually want, or an apartment, or a house, or helping you w/ funds, & definitely not for savings accounts regarding our baby's. He's so selfish. Marrying a man like that? I would be signing up to be his maid, slave, punching bag, humiliation pig in front of men or women, or his family, & his sex worker for free under his control (at least sex workers keep their money if they're independent contractors not having pimps which is basically what a husband is) while getting mistreated then getting nothing in return while he gets everything. I already got a taste of that from him & I don't want it anymore. Unless that man is offering you something or adding to what you already have, DO NOT BE STUPID. Always have your own things, means to make money, or just your own money. Do not rely on a man. Never marry that man. Especially a man that doesn't have anything to offer me, will be taking my labor/body, & dared to discuss a prenup w/ me showing me he genuinely knows goose egg about exchange. This is not the type of man I want or for my children to see me w/. It's embarrassing.

Then for him to be a cheater crying about his insecurities as a methods to control me???? when I'm not doing anything, while he is whenever he has social media & a partner, is insane. To try to control me just because I'm pretty & visible (only having my female friends as my audience that I am friends w/ liking or engaging w/ my pictures or videos) wanting to present as my natural born gender which is FEMALE or when I want to present individually like everyone else does including him then treat me wrong is a different level of mental illness. That takes some audacity. It's also heartwrenching, upsetting, & sickening to hear his mom say that we're "both the problem" when she's watching him mistreat me in her own house when he's drunk knowing this is exactly how his father treated her. It's so sad. Just because that's her son. Knowing he's wrong & creating disharmony. For her to say that I was "fucking around" on her son because he treats me like shit when he was the one fucking around on me let me know she's an enabler when I was just posting my pictures or videos  or pictures of my daughter. Not cheating on my partner like he was doing to me. So yeah, by default I got angry & was defending myself not letting her finish because she's basically cosigning her son's awful behavior while stamping the ok to my abuse which is messed up of her. For it to be my own partner hurting me then his mom joining forces w/ him. This is definitely going to be my ex when I leave. I need my friends, family, community, & even strangers that come across this more than ever to help me get away. 

It is happening again & I don't want to go through this anymore. 

I've come down to the conclusion that this is only gonna get worse if I stay. My presence, thus far, hasn't improved the situation. My presence hasn't improved the person either & that is abnormal in a situation where someone claims to be "in love" while also knowing they're hurting their partner. He tries to control me & creates hostile environments by trying to reprimand me for things I'm not doing BUT THAT HE IS. Everything he does & says to me or about me is him projecting. I can't stand his projections or his control anymore. He is not healthy. That's not love. I see it for what it is, manipulation. A lazy man trying to reverse the roles in order to take over my femininity cuz he hates women (not me, & me) while dragging the dog out of me making me more masculine taking away MY ESSENCE as a woman. Or to destiny swap w/ women in general so he can sit around being lazy indulging in his desires *thinking that's what women do* when we actually produce making ourselves useful in a household, keeping it as clean as it can be considering the clutter of man, caring for our children, trying to take care of ourselves in light of messes popping up right after cleaning, & making the home A HOME.

If that man wants you to provide the home w/ him cuz he can't do it by himself, work outside of the home w/o help from the man inside the home w/ him messing it up, while also working in the home when you come back from working outside the home???? While he also presents you w/ mistreatment, abuse, dishonest behavior, MICROCHEATING, low balling you, name calling in an abusive manner directly to your face, & control??? Then he actually brings absolutely nothing to the table. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a foogazie. Next.

He even talks about how if I'm gone he's just gonna leave his job. To manipulate me to make me feel bad for him. Or as to say that if I leave he won't be providing. He'll just stay w/ his mom. As if him not having a job is gonna move me into staying when that's a huge factor in our family or us staying together. That's instability & psycopathy. I do not want it. He would make his mom suffer because it's "her job" as his mother to take care of him no matter what. This is what he wants in a woman. Someone he can extract from, mistreat, walk all over, has their own money so that she can take care of him w/o him taking care of her, doesn't have a social media presence, have as a slave while not really liking, someone he's not sexually attracted to that'll just work for him so he can still have his options open while acting serious, & someone that will not call him out about being a cheater or not being true to his word. That's just a man that doesn't want to work or treat women correctly.

It's not my job to correct that behavior & I don't even like it. I'm not interested in accepting the bare minimum or nothing from a man. Women are valuable. I am valuable. He has treated me poorly & w/ abuse while also showing me he is not reciprocal in anything. He has also showed me that he wants to cheat while controlling me. This man wants to cause me work, while not wanting me to actually work. Yet he wants to benefit from having money. & He wants to benefit from me having money while wanting me in low paying low ranking local jobs accepting nothing or not working so he feels secure about cheating when he's actually scared of me having any freedom. He knows exactly what he'd do in that position. Another projection of men. Being w/ him is confusing & I don't even want to work for him cuz that didn't pan out the last time I did. I also don't want to work a low paying job if I'm having to provide for myself & a baby. & Another one on the way at that. This has caused me to not trust him because he has repeatedly shown that he'll just go back to being the same. 

I have no plans of reconnecting w/ this man after I leave. Every time I have come back things have either remained the same w/ maybe a tiny alteration for a little until it goes back to being exactly the same. Or it just gets completely worse all together. No in between. I've decided that my babies don't need to see this as an example of a good man or a good situation. I don't need to be here or want to be. It's just not worth it. I know he's not gonna help me physically either when his son is born. Or simply help me w/o acting like I burden him when I make sure he's taken care of at home chorewise while taking care of our baby. All while being sick myself. When I throw up outside of the car (while it's moving) because I'm pregnant not being able to help myself, I get yelled at "what the fuck is wrong with you." It's unfair & hurtful when I've had to clean up his throw up multiple times from him being drunk on actual surfaces I've had to physically touch. While all he had to do was go to the car wash. He has a membership. I've even washed the bedsheets once only to have him throw up all over them the same night. But I got yelled at for throwing up outside of his car. 

My baby's do not need to see me pandering to or coddeling an abusive man. A narcissist especially. They need to see a well taken care of, beautiful, happy mother because they deserve that & he just doesn't do that for me. They need to see me living in a beautiful home that is mine holding space for them & their families to come. Not a man that wants to put me in a trailer. A man that doesn't even care about my education or want me working anything high end in fear of having better than him or doing better being able to support myself. He wants me working somewhere fast food or retail making nothing wasting my time. When he found out I was going to school to become a medical assistant back then, he was not happy for me. I want my freedom back & the ability to have things for myself because relying on someone like this is a nightmare. Especially someone that claimed they wanted to take care of you. I want to be able to provide for myself so that I can also provide for my kids without needing to depend on someone that is gonna fold on me anyways.

I do not want to raise a predator as a son that isn't self sufficient or self reliant that treats women like garbage & has insecurities from abuse or mistreatment trying to thrust that on others. That would be a menace to the world & women. I do not want to raise a daughter that would potentially develop a less severe form of Stockholm syndrome attaching herself to a man that wants to use her mistreat her or control her. I don't want to raise a daughter that devalues herself & doesn't love herself over a man allowing any kind of whatever treatment. I don't want her to think that accepting abuse from a man in the name of love while being in servitude to him is normal. Cuz it's not & I don't know who would like this. So this is not an exemplary person to raise my babies with since he doesn't do that now anyways. I'm "with someone" that treats me like garbage. I'm with someone that doesn't help me & neglects me but wants to control me. He even makes me feel bad about buying me things when he offered to buy them in the first place trying to train me into not asking for or wanting anything from my partner.

I'm convinced that the only reason it's not as worse as it could be is because his mom is helping with resources & housing for the meantime or simply just mediating things as best as she can when he's drunk or when there's an explosion from me because I'm trying to defend myself from him trying to start any chaos when he's drunk or him just being hurtful making me not want to be around him or disassociate after him trying to start unnecessary fights. All to gain control over me, erase me from social media, to control what I can or can't do when I already don't do anything except clean & take care of my daughter. I'm already at his mercy & he makes me miserable while trying to control me because he doesn't want me to do what he does when I don't even do that. He can't stop exhibiting bad behaviors or cheating LUSTFUL behaviors. He can't stop being abusive to me. He won't stop trying to control me & he won't stop treating me wrong either.

I should not have to be dealing with that & tbh I don't want my kids to see things like that either thinking it's normal or correct. His mother should not have to be dealing with any of this either. That poor woman is 64 years old, & she just wants her place back. This man isn't ambitious enough to figure out a way to make more money so that we can have our own nice place. He's happy living with & relying on his mom while having me to take care of the baby or clean. But it just shows how inconsiderate he is even to his own mother when she's actually helping him. She helps him by creating security, help, & giving us housing for the time being until he finds his own place. She is providing us with shelter because she's not a heartless human being & she wants her grandchildren to be housed. I don't feel comfortable living with him anymore though or going off with him as a provider even if he did have the funds to purchase a house & i'm tired of not having the means to provide for myself under his thumb. If I knew it was up to him, he would falter on his responsibilities. Thus, putting his whole family in jeapordy.

If his mom wasn't here i would be alone with him providing us with housing. I just know for a fact that I would be facing hell on earth. Cuz he has no one to behave for if his mom isn't here & he truly doesn't even behave for his mother. I've already had him delete my social medias without my permission, delete numbers off of my phone of my friends that are girls who he didn't like, delete pictures I can't get back of people that aren't even alive anymore or pictures of myself off of my personal phone then break my actual device. He's still trying to make me delete all of my pictures off of social media & delete all of my actual accounts. He's acting like that's a requirement when that's not even on the table because I never agreed to isolation completely when I'm already isolated. I need help financially if I have any chance of escaping, so that I can leave with my daughter & unborn baby boy safely (IN PEACE).

I want to go in peace without telling him *while he's at work* so that I don't have to put up with any further abuse, him love bombing me when his actions don't line up, have my things be withheld to watch him partake in an anger fest against me when he did this to himself by behaving incorrectly towards me treating me bad & still trying to control me. I don't want him crying to me anymore (trying to manipulate me emotionally) saying that he's gonna try harder or fix whatever the problem is just to appease me for the meantime convincing me to stay when it's just gonna happen again in a few days. He doesn't want to be the man he's supposed to be & i'm not accepting this anymore. I don't want to go through domestic violence again or be made to feel bad for making the right decision for myself & my babies. I don't want to be with a man that doesn't want to be a good person to me & isn't.

He just doesn't want to put in the work. I don't have time to wait anymore for nothing & I don't want to be here accepting this behavior. I need money so that I can get help for food, housing, & I'm asking for financial help so that I can gather resources to aid me for this break. I need funds collected for a car (purchased by me under my name) so that nobody can take it away from me ranging from family to my partner. Nobody should have the means to starve me & revoke anything from me so that I don't have because they feel entitled to control me when I need things. That has been the problem from the beginning when I was dealing with family or any partners creating instability for me making me have to go off never having stability for real. There should be no reason why I CAN'T OR DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. Especially, when I have so many responsibilities to take care of for me or my daughter. I've had to push my needs & some responsibilities to the side to be able to meet my child's needs because that's how inconsiderate the person I'm with is.

I can't wear makeup looking nice for real without him getting mad, dress up without him getting jealous, or do my hair without him getting insecure trying to make me feel bad for being a girl. He calls me a whore & a bitch. He's just not normal. For wanting to be the gender i naturally am & expressing myself through my appearance. I can't post a picture or a profile picture without him getting mad. I can't post my daughter without him getting mad. I can't do anything with this man & he wants me to never look good. I don't like that & I don't want a partner like this. I can't even exist online without him creating a problem or support my friends that are girls in peace without him trying to attack me because he needs control that bad showing me he's even attracted to my friends while daring to address his feelings. Sorry, I don't care anymore cuz my feelings were never taken into consideration for long while he made demands that were taken into consideration & I was dogged out anyways.

He has shown me nothing will ever truly be reciprocated with him. He's not gonna keep dogging me out while benefitting off of me taking away my joy trying to isolate me to abuse me some more or taking me or my children not into consideration anymore. I just want to leave. This man is not going on my baby boy's birth certificate so he can withhold things from me & my children the same way he does now simply cuz he doesn't want to pay for things or wants to be a cheapskate while giving himself nice things.

He'd rather take care of birds & fish he doesn't need without complaining treating them with no abuse before he gives me the same. & When he's drunk or mad I know he's gonna be the same with our children. I'd rather be without him at this point so I can be in peace taking care of my baby.

I need 2 carseats for my babies, a car, money for food, money for gas, money to get registered tags for legal driving, money to have stable safe housing for 3 (just me & my babies), & I need money for medical expenses cuz I don't know what wasn't covered during the time I didn't have insurance. This man isn't gonna help me improve my credit, take care of me, improve my life, or do anything that's worthwhile, & I feel that every time he tries to control me without providing fully as a man should then treating me wrong. I don't want to marry him cuz this will only get worse in marriage. I don't want to be here anymore with this abusive controlling envious inconsiderate emotionally manipulative person that weaponizes his feelings against people daring to say he's hurting while he hurts people. I don't have anything right now because I am literally at the mercy of someone that wants to control me. While he continues to love bomb me his behavior, desires, & actions remain the same. & I'm still not benefitting while he does. That's why I'm going & never coming back to him after this. I gave him so many chances & he still hasn't changed while wanting to mistreat or control me. HE IS NOT A HEALTHY OR A SAFE PERSON to be in a relationship with.

If you always want to be undervalued, mistreated, be shown streaks of cruelty through rage when he's drunk, not be taken care of, not be helped, be woken up early (even though youre the one that needs more sleep cuz you're the one that wakes up thoughout the night to take care of the baby or you're the one that wakes up because you're sick throwing up from being pregnant) because he expects his lunch to be packed for him while claiming it's for you to have free time, even expects you to wake him up for work sometimes, wants 50/50 when nothing is 50/50, be lied to, have your own things be withheld from you, have your things be broken, controlled, not be treated right, not be provided for fully, be subjected to hate speech against working class women that have REAL jobs, be called a "whore" for being attractive, not be trusted when he's the untrustworthy one, get called a bitch when he's drunk, have your personal memories be deleted that you can't get back including when you opened up for famous rappers as an entertainer or your friends podcasts videos where you were at, be isolated from friends while he does whatever talking to whoever, creates problems for anything, doesn't let you listen to your music in peace while you have to consider his music, get your feelings hurt all the time, can't fully provide for you, wants to either live off of you or his mom, not have your own car, & have your phone smashed then he's the perfect one for you.

I'm not fighting for this toxic situation anymore. I need to exit this timeline of suffering IMMEDIATELY before it gets any worse than what has already transpired. His self inflicted pain & insecurities are not an excuse to abuse or mistreat people. Nor are they my problem. A man's insecurities are not the problems of women & I'm not accommodating them anymore or entertaining conversations involving someone else's insecurities so that they can use that as an excuse or as some kind of botched up justifocation to abuse & control me when I'm not doing anything wrong. Sorry, but not my concern & not beneficial to my personal survival. Or the survival of my baby.

Imagine not helping your partner or being bothered to your own laundry. Not being bothered to do your own chores expecting your partner to do it or your mom to do it, but wanting anything from them when you already took. Imagine not helping you physically take care of our baby since it's solely "the woman's job" according to him while he goes to work (not even on a regular basis because he drinks too much) having one job COMPLAINING yet still not helping while I do three invisible job. Him putting me through a cycle of pain while I take care of our child, & I am pregnant again with 3 months left of this pregnancy is abusive. I can't stand this situation or him anymore. I do not want to live off of his 64 year old mother anymore either giving her a hard time just by living here just because her son can't get his shit together. Staying here would mean by default that I'm subjected to him, so I want to leave.

The uncertainty, cheating, control, violence, financial abuse, & abuse (in general) I've faced being in this relationship has rewired my brain for attack because I'm not being protected or provided for properly. This has led to continued violence verbally, emotionally, & physically against me while I also endure psychological warfare via him trying to control me from my baby daddy. Also apparently everyone else is the bad guy except him so this is a problem I have to get out of.

I have been trying to get help from the state of Ohio (where I currently reside), but they're taking too long to approve BASIC NECESSITIES that our tax dollars pay for. My medicaid was approved but not my food when I need food. These factors have led to me crumbling emotionally under pressure. I have been pregnant & they still won't help me with food. Maybe it's cuz I'm with my partner, but I don't want to be with him anymore. I can't get help & he doesn't provide fully while treating me bad. I'm suffering while this man gets to sleep in peace abusing me & taking advantage of my situation. I have tried advocating for myself as best as I can only to be abused more, get called a whore, or get the same poor results.

I am currently living in OH & I need to get out. He is battling alcoholism currently & had substance abuse issues in the past which have caused him to lose his places of residence. He resents me for having to stop doing drugs & having to be a loving man. He resents me for having to provide for me & his family. I'm not gonna be responsible for his hate, he's just gonna have to be by himself since he acts like having a partner is a burden. He has messed up every living situation we've had together. More recently he messed up my living situation to bring me back to his mom plus my living situation wasn't any better when I had someone trying to take my child away from me which is why I left because of him....where he thinks he's gonna live off of her (his mom) for the rest of his life.

My friend has even called the cops on him before & he got arrested for domestic violence. When cops arrived they had to tell him to give me my phone back & my keys before taking him to jail. Cuz he actually had my things proving the story was correct. My friend only called for a wellness check because she was worried about me after hearing him call me a bitch & a whore in front of her over the phone scaring her. Then he exploded on her over the phone threatening her saying that she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore. I never got my phone back to call anyone to let them know I was safe because he had it until the cops told him to give me my personal belongings back. This happened in the past but this was another situation in which he was drunk trying to isolate me getting mad at me for being in the phone with my friend who is a girl.

I need to get out. I need me & my baby to be safe. Please, help me. If you guys could send anything to my zelle or my cash app so nobody else has access to my money except for me that would be so helpful. My cash app is $allseeingblade (anything helps) & ask me for my zelle in my DM cuz that requires my phone number. My goal is to have $16,000-$33,000 or something close to that for car under my name, legal tags, gas, food, housing, the expenses of my newborn baby for the necessities, & anything my baby Ariellah will need while I get back on my feet with work since I have 3 months of this pregnancy left till labor n delivery.

Please, help me.