Help Me Fix My Harp!

Hello dear friends, family, & 'fans'!

As some of you may know (though I have been keeping it weirdly quiet – perhaps as a subconscious way to deny the unfortunate truth of the situation?)… On August 4th, 2019 (almost two months ago), I had an accident with my harp. I was doing a photoshoot in High Park (below is one of the photos from this bittersweet shoot),

and as I was waiting with my lovely photographer friend, Becca Lemire , to load my baby into the Uber, I left it standing on the sidewalk for a moment to grab my bag. No sooner had I turned around, then I heard the dreaded ‘thunk’; my beloved instrument had fallen to the ground. I convinced myself that it was only scratched (as it was still in its case, so I couldn’t see the damage yet) and waited anxiously for the 8-minute Uber ride home to uncover the truth. When I opened the case and saw the massive damage, my bodily reaction was visceral, and stronger than I would have imagined.

I began to bawl immediately, heavily, uncontrollably, having a difficult time breathing – completely in shock. I allowed myself to fully sink into this feeling; I shed a lot of tears that day. But, somehow, as the dust began to clear, I found myself able to step back and see the bigger picture of things, feeling this inkling that this loss was going to be a huge learning experience for me.
 
And, as predicted, I have learned countless lessons through this experience, and grown in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. One of the main lessons I’ve learned is perfectly (and simply) expressed in the old adage coined by one of my favourite geniuses, Joni Mitchell: “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.” (Big Yellow Taxi, 1970) Recently, I had been having an extremely difficult time with my harp. I had lost the ‘magic’ that I felt when I first got the instrument into my hands. I was finding it extremely difficult to practice and play, falling into old patterns of anxiousness, putting huge pressure on myself to be ‘perfect’, and holding back from performing in front of others or sharing any of the music I was working on until I was ‘good enough’ (which felt like it would be never). Sitting behind my instrument was bringing me extreme anxiety, rather than the wonder, joy and peacefulness that I had previously experienced. You’ll notice that I have a number of videos on my YouTube  and recordings on my SoundCloud with my first harp – a small chromatic harp, which I basically learned on my own by experimenting and writing songs, and consciously learning the opposite way than the way I learned to play the piano growing up. It felt so easy with that instrument to stay in the "beginner's" mindset - full of wonder, joy, and possibility. But as soon as I upgraded to the more ‘professional’, high-quality sound of the pedal harp, started taking lessons and attempting to master the instrument in a more standard way, it became a real challenge for me to keep the ‘play’ in ‘playing music’.
 
 Anyways. It’s been quite a journey, and will continue to be. But I’ve felt this massive mindset shift these past two months – stemming from this loss, this distance that has made "the heart grow fonder" – that is difficult to put into words. I’ve been learning to bring a lightness to music that I’ve never quite experienced before – a more joyful, relaxed feeling towards the process of creation. I just feel so insanely excited to get my hands on my harp again – to feel that magic, and to share it with all of YOU! I plan to take after the words of Shrunyu Suzuki (Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind) when I finally get my beloved harp back into my hands: "Treat every moment as your last. It is not preparation for something else." 

This all being said, it is unfortunately going to cost quite a pretty penny to get my harp repaired. I have never done this whole crowd-funding thing, and to be completely honest, I definitely feel some fear and discomfort around asking for help. But, I do trust in the power of community in lifting each other up, and I do plan to pay it forward in any way that I can. I promise that once I get my instrument back, I am no longer going to hide away in my bedroom with it. I want to share the joy and the feelings of peacefulness that I have received from this mystical instrument with all of you. 

Thank you in advance for any contribution that you are able to make towards my goal. I appreciate you so deeply. Thank you thank you thank you.

With love & gratitude,

Kathryn