Help me be boob free!
Hi!
I’m Ndella, i’m 27, gender non conforming, and I have boobs. Big ones.
If you know me you’ll know how long I’ve been desperate for a breast reduction, and how long I’ve been in pain because of my huge boobs.
It's a huge deal for me to talk about it openly, because it's something I'm extremely private and sensitive about, and that is hugely personal. I’ve put off crowdfunding for years out of embarrassment, shame and guilt at asking for money. But at this point and after so many years - desperation has long since set in. I’m saving what I can (which in this economy is very little loool) and am hopeful that I can get there.
I’ve been on the waiting list for breast reduction surgery via the NHS for so long that my funding allocation is about to expire. The funding board are unwilling to extend my funding despite the covid crisis being an unavoidable obstacle that is not my fault. This is the case for so many people. And with everything going on in the understandably overloaded NHS, the chances of re-applying are vanishingly slim.
My boobs started growing when I was 14 and haven’t stopped since. So it’s safe to assume that I’ve been in varying amounts of near constant pain for 13 years. Walking, sitting, standing, sleeping, swimming, jogging - for me to do all of these things is to endure a serious amount of pain. Vigorous exercise is only possible if I’m wearing 2 sports bras, a crop top a velcro strap to hold it all down - and the offset of that is that the compression on my chest is so tight I struggle to breathe and end up with muscle spasms and cramps.
The impact having 3kg of extra weight to carry around on your chest is ... heavy.
And the impact on my mental health has been even heavier. A lifetime of trying to hide them, strap them down and make them look smaller turned my self confidence to absolute shit. My shoulders and ribs have permanent scars and dents from underwires and straps (i’m not exaggerating - permanent.) My underboob measurement is 30inches - meaning my ribcage is pretty small in relation to my boob size - and my back and spine struggle under so much extra weight. Not to mention the extra labour on my ribs to take in a full breath of air with 3kg of weight on my chest.
It’s so embarrassing to not be able to run for a bus. And utterly heartbreaking when I can't run around with my niece and nephew when they ask me to chase them.
As I’ve got older and realised my discomfort with binary ideas of gender, the weight on my chest and pain in my back has exposed a whole new level of mental anguish in the shape of body dysphoria. I look at myself and I feel wrong, that this isn't the body I’m supposed to have. I don’t have the option of NOT having my boobs on show. Which means I don’t have the ability to appear how I want to. This might not seem like a matter of life and death - but when it becomes fodder for suicidal thoughts, and ammunition for the voice telling you that you’re an aberration and shouldn’t exist - it certainly feels like a matter of life and death.
Help me be boob free!!!!
