In June 2012, after being unemployed for a year and a half, I started Lucky 13 Lacquer with only $500 in crowdfunding from some of my friends and an obsession with two things: nerdy stuff & sparkly stuff.

The last 13 years have been life-changing in ways I could never have imagined, and only possible because of Lucky 13 and the effort I had put into it. I made friends, traveled, experienced conventions, met celebrities, and I spoke on multiple panels about the business I had started from shimmery scratch. For nearly all of the last 13 years I’ve exclusively supported myself with income from Lucky 13.

Creative blood has always flowed through my veins. I taught myself to sew, to cross stitch, I made more beaded jewelry than I could ever hope to wear, and enough commissions from friends that at 22 (back in ‘09) I began selling some of my handmade treasures on Etsy as a side gig.

A few years later I was able to dedicate myself to creative endeavors full-time when I started Lucky 13 Lacquer. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered I fought to keep my head above water but Life continued to throw more challenges at me until I found myself drowning in them. Chronic pain worsened. The end of a relationship meant my income alone couldn’t cover expenses so I started trying to find a job for a bit of reliable income but my applications all seemed to be ignored. After multiple “sure thing” offers of jobs fell through I knew that I couldn’t support myself alone so I asked my Mom to move from Southern California to Portland to live with me. We would be able to pool our resources, she would help me get Disability income and a caretaker, and we were going to live together to save on housing costs. I’d be able to take some time to work on my mental & physical health, I’d help her do physical therapy (which would help me do my own), and we’d have the chance to spend quality time with one another.

Regrettably, we would never get the chance as she passed away December 7th 2024, less than 2 weeks after we had made the decision, but I believe the fact that I asked her to move in with me and proved how much I wanted her in my life brought a feeling of acceptance to her heart that she had needed. We really were the best of friends, talking on the phone every single day and always being there for one another through the hard times.

Since her passing, the realization that she’s truly gone, forever, has been sinking in. She lived 10 years, 1 month, and 9 days without her Mama….who knows how long I’ll have to endure without mine. I’m so immensely grateful that she and I were able to work on our communication and repairing our relationship with the time we had; I’m left with as close to no regrets as one could hope for.

However, accepting the new world that I live in without my Mama has been immensely difficult. I’ve struggled to earn enough money to cover my necessary expenses which led to being evicted from my apartment on April 15th, just 5 days before what would have been her 62nd birthday. My gaming crew has been able to find space for me in their home but the time has come to ensure I’m contributing enough financially to pull my own weight.

Since losing my Mama I’ve struggled with being creative which has led to difficulty doing enough Lucky 13 work to cover my expenses. I’ve been searching for jobs with frustratingly fruitless results and it’s taking away a considerable amount of time & energy that I want to put towards grieving & self-care.

I desperately want to return to supporting myself financially, especially if I’m able to return to making nail polish in order to do so, but in order to get back to that state of mind I’ll need to have my (physical and mental) health better managed. I don’t want to put Lucky 13 aside so much that it never returns; I don’t want to lose my Mama and then watch “my baby” die as well. I’m hoping that with a few months of expenses covered I’ll be able to make my way back toward being creative and reliable to my customers; at least one part of my life can go back to feeling normal if I’m able to return to Lucky 13.

If you were lucky enough to know my Mom, thank you for being a part of her life, bringing her happiness and a deeper feeling of acceptance in the world. Take the beauty she brought to your life and do your best to bring it to others. Forgive those you didn’t think you could forgive. Tell those you love that you love them. Believe that even if you don’t speak to someone for a long time, that doesn’t mean they haven’t been thinking fondly of you. Notice the little beautiful things in life. Hug with your entire soul. Be kind, including to yourself.

Fundraising goal of $1963 in honor of the year my Mama was born :) <3