Help Lowen Get Out of Here

I am a closeted trans person with cPTSD and high support needs, and I am trying to escape the situation poverty has put me in for the last six years.

I live in a home owned by my abusive father. He is an aging alcoholic who frequently shirks financial responsibility, making him incredibly unstable as a landlord. We (my partner, my little sister, our three dogs, and myself) are frequently teased with the idea of losing the house unless we provide him with more money, exactly when he needs it, and we have very little evidence to show that this money we give him is going anywhere other than his addiction.

I have been forced around his addiction for the entirety of my life and while I understand he isn't exactly choosing to behave the way he does... I have cPTSD because of him, and continuing to live in such close proximity to him is waring on me.

As mentioned before, I have high support needs. I grew up with severe health issues that were never acknowledged, much less treated. In 2008, I started suffering from extreme episodes of abdominal pain that interfered with my ability to attend school, socialize, and function in a way viewed as "normal" by my family. I was told I was faking, I was being dramatic, I just needed to learn how to calm down and channel my pain elsewhere (whatever that means)... Anything other than receiving actual help. Eventually, these health issues manifested in severe agoraphobia and social anxiety. I was also bullied terribly and had preexisting sensitivities to existence dating all the way back to my years in elementary school-- but because my family does not believe in mental illness or chronic issues of any kind, I was never taken seriously in my decline. I was left to pull myself back together when I just couldn't.

In 2018, I became unable to work even part time. I met my soulmate that same year, and she has been financially caring for me ever since (despite her own poverty). 2019-2022 were some of the roughest years of our lives, as we had to navigate two house floods, the death of a beloved pet from an expensive disease, my grandma getting cancer twice, and both our families being incredibly invasive, controlling, and manipulative about the way we exist in private. We frequently found ourselves having to beg for help from our friends online as our life savings was entirely drained, and we had nowhere else to turn.

The home I live in now is the same home I was neglected in. It is full of horrid memories, and things keep getting worse. I feel like I'm rotting here; however, I cannot afford to leave. I never have been able to. To live here is currently my only option. My partner and my sister are prepared to move somewhere with me as soon as I can manage it, along with our three dogs, but I need help getting there. This is fund is my first big shot at getting out of here.

When I originally made this fundraiser, I had $13 in my bank account. I typically am only able to make about $20 a month, and that is eaten by bills nearly immediately (as you can imagine). Living in poverty was already cutting into my quality of life before this; I can't save, I can't buy necessities for myself, and I can't afford transportation, medication, or-- anything! Name it! I can’t further my business as a writer, and I can’t return to the traditional workforce because I have had no time to heal. It often feels like I can't afford to live any longer in a very literal sense. It makes recovery incredibly hard because I often believe that my death would be easier on everyone than all this. My disability, and the way it's affected my finances, has made me feel like a burden on everyone who cares about me. It’s so, so painful to live like this.

The number I've chosen as my goal is fluid. It’s a number I’ve seen others reach in similar situations to mine. The funds themselves are mostly going into my savings so that I have an escape path, with some instead going to our general living expenses as we maintain life in the meantime.

If you're unable to donate, please consider sharing this fund instead. My audience is mainly on Twitter, and Twitter is dead, so I need all the help I can get.

Thank you so much for your consideration. ♡