Help Liz with this one.

Hi, my name is Elizabeth, you might know me as something else derived from Elizabeth, I have many nicknames. I quit my job. I was and am very sad. I thought this might be the last Christmas with my family, more than likely it is the last one with my mom living at home. Parkinson’s, which she has, SUCKS a bag of dicks, like most diseases and horrible things people go through. I struggle with guilt, resentment, my own health and aging. I moved away from a lonely, divorced life for the first time at 38, everyone would say, “California looks good on you..” It was and wasn’t, I stayed in bed and cried many days, my boy Charlie was literally the only immediate thing that kept me going. HAPPYDOGDAILY, if you make the dog happy then chances are you will be happy or at least okay. Work was good and it wasn’t, I think that is probably true in any profession. Saturday I came back from a 2 day Suspension for 3 write ups. It felt like I had been stoned at a stake, everyone hated me and wouldn’t care or would even celebrate if I had died. The write ups: they said I aggressively took a tip off the bar, someone complained that when a patron asked for the 3rd time for a double, which I was not allowed to pour I said, “I’ve told you twice already how do want me to do say it, in French, Spanish or Chinese?” Patron loved it and compensated well the rest of the night AND apologized a few times, someone else heard it and called to complain about me. Co-workers didn’t like me for asking for floor mats to be put out, they said, “why and it’s more work for you at the end of the night,” I just remembered the black eye I had for 9 days after slipping on a wet floor without signage out the first week of January, same bartender. People (patrons), will tell you you’re the best and then 10 minutes later someone tells you you’re absolute shit and a coworker is mad and says you yelled at them for asking to “please help me with dishes”. I’m not without fault, I’m sure I suck. I’ve worked with a lot of people in the service industry over the 20 years of my life I have been working in a bar (literally 1/2 my life), and I’m sure I am the worst villain in someone’s story but here I am, asking for a hand, asking for a handout. If you’re still reading know that I never once have gotten unemployment, when The Hangars roof collapsed, I got 3 jobs. When Covid happened and I was out of work 5 weeks, I made it work/racked up some credit card debt and made it back to work in 2 days from Illinois when I got the call. When I was working this past Saturday and started to get sad and felt like dying, I said to myself, what the hell am I doing. This isn’t life, go to your mom, she isn’t going to be around forever and your dad is doing all he can. Be home for Christmas, nobody gives a shit about you here, where you are and honestly I was just put on a Tardy contract and probably would’ve been fired shortly into the new year bc I showed up to work @4:39 instead of 4:30. Never mind, the 60 hour work weeks and the opening shift/ leaving and coming back to close shifts that kept outlets going earlier in the year. I have many, many regrets. I mean to quote a John Craigie song, “what kinda life you living having no regrets,” but coming home for this Christmas and quitting that job is not one of my regrets. The day after I left Mother Nature spoke, if that not a sign I don’t know what was. Please give me, like $5 or something, when I am solid again I’ll buy you a beer or make you a dessert. Too poor to even stress bake right now.