My husband, Michael, and I decided to start a family almost five years ago. Up until that point, we had been very careful. I was on birth control. We wanted to be ready for the responsibility of a child. I had always wanted to be a mother. I feel like I have so much to teach a child. I have always been an advocate of education and free-thinking.
We thought it would be easy to start a family. I would stop taking birth control, and it wouldn't take very long after that, a few months. Tops. 5 years later, countless fertility procedures and three miscarriages later, and we still do not have the family we have hoped for.
After a year of trying with no results, we sought out the help of a fertility specialist. He did a number of test then diagnosed me with endometriosis. He said I would just need some extra help getting pregnant and recommended fertility medications such as Clomid or Letrozole. I had high hopes. I thought that would do the trick, and I would be pregnant in no time.
After a year of trying different fertility meds and still no pregnancy, our doctor recommended a Hysterosalpingography (HSG) procedure. Basically this is a very painful procedure where they insert a catheter into your uterus then inject x-ray dye into your fallopian tubes. It feels like someone is stabbing you with a hot knife while you are simultaneously having the worst menstrual cramp in your life. My husband heard me screaming from outside of the waiting room. This procedure flushes out your fallopian tubes and makes sure there is no blockage while also having a calming effect on endometrial tissue.
Thirteen months after this procedure, I found I was pregnant. We were thrilled. We couldn't believe it. It finally happened for us. We were cautious at first, only sharing it with a few people. When they gave me an all clear at 8 weeks we decided to announce it on social media. We even bought a few baby things. At eleven weeks, in the midst of the Covid pandemic, I started to cramp and noticed bleeding.
I went into the ER that night scared and alone. They did an ultra sound and blood work to confirm my nightmare has become a reality. I called my husband crying then proceeded to explain that the baby hadn't progressed passed five weeks gestation, and I was miscarrying. We were both devastated. After they discharged me, we cried ourselves to sleep. I was so angry at the world. Why us? Why me? This was out chance. I felt like I was forced to watch everything I wanted bleed away.
We decided to try an IUI after that. It resulted in another pregnancy, but it was chemical meaning I miscarried after only a few weeks. Again, we were devastated. Since then, we have had two more IUI with no results. The doctor also recommended that I repeat the HSG procedure again, which I did not want to do because of how painful it is. We decided that I would though, so in December of 2020, I had a second HSG done.
Three months later, I was shocked to find a positive pregnancy test in my hand. They went me to for bloodwork and discovered my HCG hormone was low, which surely meant another miscarriage. We were devastated all over again. I never thought I would have three miscarriages. It's a cruel kind of irony that it happened during Infertility Awareness Week. We want to have a child of our own so badly, but we keep being met with roadblock after roadblock.
We have lost so much of ourselves in this battle with infertility. There is a tremendous amount of self blame that comes in these circumstances. I have lost friendships. I have lost family. I have lost faith. I have lost any measurable amount of hope I have for the future of our family, but I want to get it back. I want to find my hope again. Please help us do that.
Invitro Fertilization (IVF) is out last option for starting a family of our own. We are also starting the fostering care process, but we know our family will be complete if we are able to both adopt a child and have a biological one. We need help though. IVF, as you may know, is incredibly expensive. After speaking with our doctor today, we have calculated that we need $13,000 in total for the procedure. Any money you are able to donate will go toward the cost of IVF and finally giving a heartbroken couple the chance of a family they so desperately crave.
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