Recently, I found out my mother's ex-boyfriend has been touching me inappropriately while I sleep. Why he's even around when he and my mom are broken up is still unknown to me. But he is. It started earlier this month, maybe even before that, I'm not sure. I would feel someone touching me, and when I woke up he would be moving his hand away from me very quickly and move away. I was always super out of it and confused, since I had just woken up and all, and thought I was just imaging things. So I never spoke up, because I thought it was all in my head. The last time it happened I was awake, but had my eyes closed. I was asleep on the couch after watching TV, he and my mom had just gotten home from being out all night, and my puppy was jumping all over me, waking me up. I ignored him, trying to get back to sleep when I heard my mom's ex approaching me, thinking he was going to tell me to go to my room I was about to open my eyes when I felt his hand touch my thigh, I froze, unsure of what to do, then his hand started going up and I immediately opened my eyes. In an instant his hand was away and he tried covering it up by telling my dog to get off of me. But I know what I felt/saw.
I didn't sleep after that. I didn't go to school. I didn't eat. I just sat there, waiting for my mom to wake up so I could tell her. When she finally woke up I told her, crying and feeling violated and disgusted. This man practically raised me. Being in my life for about 12 years. She told me I could press charges if I wanted, giving me 2 weeks to decide, and that until then we were to say nothing. Business as usual. The other day, my mom allowed him, her ex-boyfriend, the man who touched me, to sleep in her bed with her. I was disgusted and upset. And I came to the realization that I can't stay here. Whether I press charges or not nothing is going to change. She chose a man who touched her kid over her own kid. I don't want to be here knowing he's going to be around. Being near him makes me panic and shake, and this experience has damaged me greatly, both mentally and emotionally. I was babysitting my cousin one night at my uncles house, I ended up falling asleep on his couch and when he came home he woke me up to tell me to go back to my place. I woke up in a panic and almost attacked him, he didn't notice because it happened really fast and he had turned around to get my cousin, who was sleeping, I calmed down fast, but my heart was still pounding.
I want to move out. Somewhere between school and work. I know it's a high goal, but only because I'm going to need a lot of things and need to be able to get through the first few months. Firstly, I need to go searching for a place to live, which I will be doing tomorrow and over the next few weeks until I find a place. Getting the place, packing, settling in, and attempting to get through things on my own for a while come next. I'm going to need to pay for bills like electricity, water, internet, food, necessities, and other things while I settle in and get used to being on my own. This will probably take me a while, so I don't need it immediately, but getting it over the next few months would be great. Any amount helps, and I'd be super grateful, even if you just share it. Spreading the word will help a lot too.
You can reach me on my Twitter.
Or on my DeviantArt.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read my story. <3
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