Help Lain Get Away from Domestic Abuse and homelessness

My name’s Lain Kaplan, and I am a non-binary trans woman who lives in Northeastern Pennsylvania. I have been in recovery from PTSD and clinical depression since 2022, when I started coming out. I have been facing significant occupational prejudice and harassment since coming out, and while my current job at a supermarket is something that I can handle most days, my domestic situation living with my emotionally and in the past physically abusive parents and sibling is causing relapses of panic attacks and negative ideation. A person I am living with is undergoing a life threatening medical condition, and their behavior has been especially problematic and ripping me apart for months. But it accelerated with the diagnosis, and I have had to flee the house before. I am regularly degraded for having anxiety problems and vision issues that keep me from driving, and public transport in the area is subpar. I keep getting yelled at and told that I am not paying enough attention. And I am coming to terms with living with ADHD.

I am working out a job offer to work as a school teacher in Taiwan. I was planning to go in January, but with the dangerous situation I am in I am trying to move the timeline up. But I will need a visa and a plane ticket and lodging if I do that. I have taught ESL for 20 years in Philly, Scranton, and abroad.

I am not safe in my current situation. There are a few therapeutic steps I can take, but the people I live with financially monitor me and mock and berate me constantly for going out and spending time with the friends I have made and spending anything that they disapprove of, like clothes. I have been working really hard to improve my cardiovascular health and get fitter after years of crippling dysphoria and depression. But I feel like my gains are going away as I fail to sleep and am dealing with extremely high stress levels. And if I get a new, lighter body, these people berate me for getting clothes that make me look professional and attractive? That is emotionally devastating. They scold me any time I spend money. It’s been clear I need to move on. And I moved out in an hour, so I am in chaos.

Last week an old friend of mine going back 20 years offered me a teaching job in kindergarten in Taiwan. I am interviewing on Zoom in a day or two as I edit this (10/11). But we had been talking about it.

Funds would be used to get me to stop having panic attacks and relocating to a place where I have better access to transportation and can get out of an abusive environment. Then I would get back to teaching as myself, which is a thing I love. I am in an Airbnb right now.

I don’t particularly like using Uber to go back-and-forth between places. But it’s a necessary evil when getting my essential items from the house. That adds up.

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Hopes and Dreams

So let’s say I get the ridiculous sum that I posted on this. If I have my two months on the ground in Taiwan and a plane ticket and am out of my place safely, and I sell my friend’s collection, what is it exactly I want to do with this money? What do I want in my life? Here’s where I get blunt and honest as hell about my body and mental health. There are things that will make me happier and more feminine. These are not perfectly required to be a trans woman happily, because passing as cis is not a thing that makes you happy when achieved. Being mentally happy, physically healthy, and being accepted by the people around you is the best goal, as far as I am concerned. Having a partner and companion is also really good, and I am dating these days. Maybe at some point I will let you know about the progress on this.

But yes, there absolutely are things I want to change in my body. Let’s talk about the first thing I want, LASIK. I can get it in Taiwan for 4k. It will make my face easier to work with with makeup. It’s a one time deal. I am tired of dealing with eye strain, and I can hold still for long periods. I got my first tattoo and my artist was like, wow, you are easy to work with, so that’s why I am not afraid of getting it.

The next thing I want is electrolysis to remove my facial hair. I have mostly white or grey facial hair, and laser isn’t gonna do that. In Taiwan it is around half the cost of getting it done in the US. Six sessions in a year is going to be around 1200. Not shaving anymore is absolutely a thing I want.

Then what’s next? Facial feminization surgery. And if I do that, I am going to the best in the field, an hour’s flight away in Thailand. I don’t want to explain how that works here. You have Google too. But it’s about 1/2 to 1/3 the cost of it in the US, but the recovery period means being out of work for at least two weeks of lost wages. Don't ask what i want as a target because that is not a conversation for here.

Top surgery is not a priority at my stage of life. HRT and physical training are pretty good for that. My genetics are doing ok on that front. My exercise routine and diet keeps them looking pretty small. But the profile is good. I am a tall, young looking for my age woman. My body needs more years of training and good diet to get more athletic and stronger. I am never going to look like Claire Max, but that is totally fine. i want a runner's look and to be able to run a 10k without stopping, and I need to get my knees better. A good trainer will get me there.

I do want an orchiectomy. That is the procedure where i get my skin to not be green and they get rid of my tusks.

Hold on, that isn't an orchiectomy at all. I want to make my body stop producjng testosterone.

And I also need a new professional wardrobe. That is important. I have lost a lot of weight since starting HRT in February 2022. I lost a ton of muscle mass, mostly in upper body in the first year. But I am getting it back. And its new packaging is just better to see in the mirror every day.

So almost all my clothes I bought last year are way too big on me. This is not how a woman and professional conducts herself.

When I am teaching in Taiwan, I want to create resources for international students, help refugees and migrants, keep providing support to my old students, and get back to DJing. I miss my Technics. But the future is digital, and physical media is a pain in the ass. I am strong enough to haul 40 pound crates of vinyl, but … why schlep when u can have a USB stick? Learning digital is hard.

Acid techno, happy hardcore, sleazy trans hyperpop, classic Chicago ghetto house, Midwestern tech house, those are my styles.

And that will be a dream life. I will be doing the heavy lifting on that, but I need help out of the hole.

Oct 11th Update: I am currently in an AirBNB in my town and quit my job to work on a very serious project, selling my friend's MTG collection so he can raise funds to get his house to be habitable and avoid condemnation. That is what I would like him to do with it, but it is his cards and his money (minus my commission). I finally get to get out of NEPA for a day or two while I am working on that. And I will also get my feet measured for new Doc Martens, as HRT has caused my feet to go down two sizes.

With all the walking I do in my town (usually 6-10 miles a day), I definitely need to make sure I have good footwear to avoid aches and pains.