Hello! I’m Kristina Metz - I have a small business called Recovery Candle Co. Our mission is to provide a safe space for individuals in the community during their journey through recovery, chronic illness and sober living. We create feel-good items and are in the process of expanding through recovery coaching and sober connection.
What many of you may not know is the reason I fell into addiction in the first place and just how much this small business means to me. So, I’m going to be vulnerable and put myself out here in a big way to share my story and ask for help.
My Story:
When I was 19, we discovered a malformation in my brain that was causing extreme and debilitating pain, chronic migraines, and vision loss. I was prescribed narcotics to take daily to help alleviate the pain, and I was told to monitor the malformation over the years since brain surgery is risky, especially for someone so young.
At the time, I didn’t know much about narcotics and their long-term effects on my body and brain. After a year of taking the medication, I was told I needed to stop due to accidental overdoses caused by drug interactions. After a full year of taking this medication alongside my anxiety medication (which I’d been on for 5 years and helped control my seizures), I was told I could no longer take both and needed to choose one. (By this point, my body had developed a dependency on the narcotic, but a bigger dependency on the other medication.) Naturally, I chose the one that helped prevent seizures and anxiety-induced episodes so I could live a somewhat “normal” life.
The pain quickly became overwhelming, and I began self-medicating for years with pain meds and copious amounts of alcohol.
The Turning Point:
Today, I am completely sober—8 years drug-free and 5 years alcohol-free. I started this business when I got clean from alcohol, using it as a healthy outlet to cope with my addiction and recovery. I am beyond grateful to be here today and for the relationships I’ve made along the way.
I’ve always been someone with a go-go-go, type-A personality—constantly trying to be a better version of myself. But what I've come to realize is that as a society, we’ve been programmed to believe that our worth is determined by our productivity. This has been a disservice to our well-being. We’ve also been taught to hide our pain and discomfort at the expense of others' comfort, which has further damaged our mental and emotional health.
New Health Struggles:
This past year, when new medical issues arose, I began advocating for myself more than ever. I started telling doctors I was allergic to codeine because I didn’t want to be seen as a drug seeker, nor did I want them pushing pills. I wanted to address the root problem, not just mask the symptoms.
I told them, “I want my life back.” Recently, I started a new medication to control chronic migraines and Botox for the coat-hanger pain, and it has worked wonders. However, I’ve also been dealing with a range of other health issues: shortness of breath, heart palpitations, severely low blood pressure, tachycardia, excessive bleeding, blood clotting issues, fainting, seizures, chronic fatigue, brain fog (which has been overwhelming), weakness, numbness, arthritis, multiple vitamin deficiencies, loss of feeling, vision changes, vertigo, chronic pain, colon polyps, ovarian cysts, and an “unknown mass” along with a precancerous condition on my cervix. I’m scheduled for surgery soon to address the precancerous condition and the unknown mass.
Facing Challenges:
Proving how sick I am to strangers (the third-party my employer uses) has been one of the most degrading things I’ve ever had to do. My employer decided not to pay for my short-term disability because I don’t yet have a new diagnosis, despite multiple supporting documents from doctors. (It takes time to figure things out through a process of elimination, time to see specialists, and time and money for tests and procedures.) This has become a full-time job in itself.
Because I chose to work a reduced schedule in July instead of allowing my doctor to put me on paid leave, they don’t understand why I can’t do it all now like I used to. Even with the new issues that have surfaced and after fighting multiple infections that pushed my body into fight-or-flight mode, I chose to work because I thought I could handle it. But all it did was make everything worse by pushing my body when I shouldn’t have.
Invisible and chronic illnesses are so misunderstood. This situation has been grossly mishandled, and I’m deeply disappointed in the company I chose to work for.
The Struggle:
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to keep pushing through, being a “worker bee” and lining the pockets of the rich, when I can’t even drive, shower normally, clean my house, or do simple tasks like I used to. I can’t even get dressed without my heart rate skyrocketing to 160-180 bpm. But they expect me to sit on the phone, back-to-back, selling and running high-risk transactions and credit applications.
On top of all this, my insurance is tied to my paycheck, and without an income, I’m expected to cover the premium out of pocket. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to see specialists, pay for tests and procedures, or deal with current medical debt without consistent insurance and a steady income.
Looking Ahead:
My goal is to transition my small business into my full-time job (part-time until my health is better). When I am in a position to sustain a livelihood and expand, I plan to hire people from the recovery community. I’m also currently working toward my Recovery Coach Certification and a food and beverage license for my sober bar & boutique.
We are so close to figuring everything out and getting me on the road to recovery—I can feel it! But without an income, I am terrified of losing everything I’ve worked so hard for.
If being chronically ill has taught me anything, it’s who I want to be on the other side of this.
How the Funds Will Be Used:
Initially, and most importantly, I will be using the proceeds earned to pay my current living expenses while I am out of work. This includes the out of pocket cost of insurance, medical bills, continuation of treatments, daily living expenses, and acquired medical debt.
To ensure a more stable and consistent income, I’ve been looking at vehicles to get my mobile establishment up and running. This is a long term goal, not an immediate priority.
Until I have the necessary funds to make that happen, I will continue doing pop up events with my friends and family as support. This is to ensure a consistent cash flow to get by. I am doing everything in my power to prolong / avoid filing for bankruptcy. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am today and I would hate to lose it all due to illnesses that are out of my control.
If you’re able to donate, even $10 will make a huge difference! If you can’t, I totally understand, and a simple share or any form of engagement will be just as appreciated. It’s incredibly tough out here right now, and your kindness and support mean more than you’ll ever know.
If you prefer to help by supporting my small business you can check out my website and share it with your friends and family www.recoverycandleco.com
Thank you!
Organizer
Kristina Metz
Organizer
Mt. Morris, MI