Help Kim get a new PC

Hey everyone and thanks for checking out my GoFundMe! So you might know me as that girl who shoots punk bands, or the person behind Punks Against Poverty or you've seen my work on Desert Highways & Wall Of Sound but what many don't seem to know is that in the last 2-3 years I've been having some pretty epic issues with my spine and neck which has got worse over time. It took a major toll on my mental health through 2017-2018 and in order to not go back to being that person I'm trying to find ways to still be creative without needing my camera for everything, my biggest problem is money. I'm on newstart which is a grand total of $200/week and that goes on bills, medication, physio appointments, and a whole lot of Ubers to get around to shops/doctors appointments etc so it's really hard to save money.  Any other time I would just offer some cheap shoots to raise some money but that's not an option anymore because standing, turning my head or just raising my arms all trigger intense pain. So I'm reaching out to the internet to help me buy a new computer. Stupidly I love raising money to help the homeless because I feel like I'm helping people who deserve help it but hate doing it for myself, I think this is partially because of the stigma of being on "welfare" that you're already a leech on society how dare you ask for more help.

Thanks to someone on Facebook, he suggested an idea to me which I'm going to implement here. A 'Pay It Forward' system, so for receiving help I help someone in return. As someone with my own set of mental health issues and specifically body dysmorphia I've wanted to help others who deal with it but never really knew how to go about it. Depression alone can make you feel low about yourself, that you're not worthy of love. A couple of years ago I did some self portraits to see if they would help my body image issues by seeing what the camera sees instead of what my brain tells me it's sees when I look in the mirror. At that time it did and I want to be able to gift that to another person whether they deal with mental health problems, are a rundown mum that needs some pampering for a day or someone who would love a photo of their kid that's not taken on an iPhone. So for every $100 raised I will photograph one person who wouldn't necessarily come forward for a photoshoot or possibly can't afford one to have one. As soon as I'm back to taking photos (more about that below) I will run it as a competition where people can nominate themselves or a friend on why they  would like a photoshoot and I'll select people who really sound like they need it. 

Why do I need a computer?
At the moment I'm fighting Centrelink who seem to believe I'm capable of working a normal job. Depending on the staff member they either let you know that every new application is rejected whether the person is worthy of it or not, how to appeal and to not give up or they're treating you like crap about how you don't deserve it without knowing why you applied for it in the first place. In my last job I did a fair amount of image restoration which is actually fun to do and I have the software (PC) and a professional photo/negative scanner to be able to do this at home but my computer died last year. Getting a new PC would mean I could work from home and be I'd be able to do it at my own pace depending on where my pain levels are at without restrictions. I've asked for some quotes on the specifics I need to run my photography programs and scanner and the amount here is what I've been quoted. I even verified it with a friend in IT to make sure I'm not being ripped off. Any money raised is going directly to buying a new PC.



My Story aka why I can't work...


I'm going to keep this short because I'm writing a blog about it all on my website but the short version is I have Scheuermann's Disease which is something I was born with. The dumbed down version is it's a spine disease that affects how your vertibrae grow so they become wedge shaped causing you to look "hunched" over. It's super rare and only 2-4% of the world's population have it so most doctor's haven't even heard of it. The image above are MRI scans of my spine taken last year. 

I also have arthritis in my right knee, arthritis in my neck and I have early disc degeneration in my mid-lower spine, minimal posterior disc bulge, bilateral facet arthropathy at a number of levels in the mid-lower spine (osteoarthritis) and possible osteophytosis (bone spurs) or sclerosis. As one specialist put it - I have the spine of an 80 year old.

At the end of 2015 after alot of trips to the ER/Hospital for surgeries and problems I noticed my back was looking worse and saw mydoctor who sent me for an immediate x-ray and sent out referrals. Jump to the beginning of 2017 and I can barely walk around my apartment, in fact for a few weeks I couldn't it just hurt way too much I would be crying instantly. I saw a specialist, scored a neck injury which is the gift that keeps on giving because the pain was so bad it hid my back pain, I had to give up my studio I hadn't even had a year, cut right back on photography because I physically couldn't manage it, then I found out I had arthritis and like everything else in life - there's no magic cure and it's going to get worse as I get older.

I've seen three specialists ranging from spine surgeons to neurologists and all were unanimous that surgery isn't an option because it wouldn't actually help my pain. I didn't want it anyway because surgery is risky and has the chance of leaving you paralysed. It involves breaking your spine, fusing sections together and a metal rod is screwed in. In most cases you end up taller but alot of cases people are having multiple surgeries to fix problems, or they suddenly need their neck fused, it didn't help their pain or their pain got worse and I don't really see any benefit in putting myself through that. I was referred to the Pain Management Department where I had my induction about a week or two ago and now I wait for actual appointments. To see the Occupational Therapist there's a minimum 9 month wait. 

While dealing with this I've also been trying to deal with Centrelink. They told me to apply for disability with how much I was unable to manage, which a few months later was rejected. I was told I could appeal it and to supply more evidence. I didn't know what else I could possibly take in so supplied all of my Physio's notes and the lady in the office told me they reject every new claim whether a person is worthy or not so people have to appeal it, another lady me know there's 4 levels of appeals and to not give up. Easier said than done because it's really draining on your mental health when you're constantly waiting for doctors, hospital or Centrelink to do something or understand what you're going through. 7 months after the appeal was lodged I found out it was never actually lodged. Allegedly it is now so it's more waiting games for that verdict.

How this condition affects me..
This affects quite literally everything in life. Standing/walking for over 20 minutes triggers problems, I can't sit straight against chairs properly and realised two years ago that I always sit sideways or in some weird position in cars/public transport/my couch (aka chair yoga). Hanging laundry, carrying a small 2 kg bag of groceries, changing my jumper or even just putting some makeup on to try and look human before going out all trigger pain. I've tried to explain to people that if I'm complaining about being in pain it means it's really bad, some feel that if I'm at a gig then I'm clearly fine but what they don't realise is I've taken pain killers when I wake up in the morning, I've taken a couple of pain killers before I've even left the house, I've taken more while standing there, and I will be taking more by the time I get home. An average outing I'd be taking 6-8 panadeine forte and normally by the latter I might finally be getting some relief. My neck gets really stiff where I can't turn my head properly and it will make awful crunching sounds as the bone scraps together, the muscle tension also affects my jaw because it's all linked together. I also get pinched nerves which cause issues like random limg twitching or a dead arm which I've had twice in the past year. You just wake up with very little feeling in your entire arm. It took a major toll on my mental health and by the end of 2017 I reached a really low point. I spent most of 2018 in therapy dealing with this, insomnia and suicidal ideation which took me 11 months to stop thinking about. I'm not in that place anymore but I'm trying to keep it that way by trying to be more proactive but some days are just hard and you want to give up. Part of the pain management department includes a psychologist so I'll be seeing them when there's appointments as well.

Thank You For Reading This!!!
If you've read this far thanks for that and I hope it's made the situation somewhat clearer to what I'm dealing with. Right now there's just a lot of waiting for appointments and for people to make decisions about my life. It's a bit like being in limbo. The Pain Management Department covers psychology, physiotherapy, occupational therapy and includes doctors/nurses etc so eventually I will be on some pain medication that won't try to kill me (or at least work!) and learn strategies to get through life. One of their examples was pacing which is something I think I already do now, it's about taking as many breaks as needed so you don't over do it because when you do you aren't getting out of bed the next day. It's not the easiest thing to stick to when you're stubborn and just want a chore over with though. It's frustrating when a 10 minute job takes an hour. One of their examples was if you can barely manage walking for 5 minutes they'll help you increase that over time by 10% a week, so each week you increase that walk by 1-minute and see how you go until you can finally make it to a 10 minute walk. There talks also had alot to do with how the "pain is in your head" and rewiring your brain while later saying arthritis doesn't count and is it's own thing, so I'm not even sure that's going to work with me. I'll find out in 9 months. My goal is simply to be able to do a photoshoot at least once a month or attend a gig with my camera without taking a couple of days to recover.

I hate asking for help but I'm sucking it up and trying this out. The worst that happens is I don't get any donations in which case I'm no worse off than when I started. I'm also trying to sell some artworks on my Facebook so this isn't the only avenue I'm trying to fundraise. If you can't afford it that's fine and I completely understand. I know everyone has their own struggles in life. For those that do your support means the world to me and you can feel free to hit me up for any editing/restoration work when I get a computer as a thank you!!