Help Kayla Heal & Keep Her Home

Hello, my name is Kayla Bone, and I’m trying to raise funds for myself due to a number of things that have happened recently in my life. I have recently experienced what I would refer to as a mental, emotional, spiritual, and existential crisis all in one. There has been a lot of contributing factors so please bear with me while I try to explain my story.

To begin, on April 28th I was rear ended, and the angle at which he hit me caused me to spin out, I had never experienced spinning in a wreck like this and it was a big shock to my nervous system. I’ve been in wrecks before but none effected me like this one. When the car stopped I immediately jumped out of it into the grass nearby, screaming and crying frantically. I had a severe panic attack and it took awhile for me to be able to breathe and calm down. My bumper was damaged, my trunk, a tire, and a rim cracked. The man that hit me did not have insurance and I only had liability so I did not seek medical treatment, though I really should have. I was on my way to work when this happened, and I still chose to go to work that day. I cried that night trying to wash my hair, as my neck was hurt pretty badly though I didn’t realize it immediately. I have not had the funds to seek chiropractic treatment and my neck is still hurting me intermittently.

I have managed to live somewhat comfortably, I have a very nice home that I’m proud of. I bought this home when I was still taking care of my father, using his VA home loan benefit to buy us a home with no down payment. My parents rented all their lives, and never had anything, to put it simply, they struggled pretty badly all their lives, and moved from place to place often. I bought this home because I wanted to make better decisions than they did and I wanted to invest in something. My father served in Vietnam and was exposed to agent orange, which caused him numerous serious health issues later in life, the biggest one being Parkinson’s Disease, which ultimately led to his early death at 72. I took care of him for a decade, and towards the end he lost his ability to walk, talk, eat, drink, do anything really. He became bedbound/wheelchair bound. I fought with the VA for many years to get him the disability benefits he deserved to be able to afford keeping him at home, and paying for caregiving help because I could not do it all on my own 24/7. Being able to procure these benefits was the only reason I was able to afford this home, that was left to me when he died.

I have witnessed too much neglect and unfavorable conditions in nursing homes, and statistically most residents die within 6 months to 2 years of admission to a nursing home. My father occasionally stayed at homes for rehab after hospital stays, and there was never one I felt gave adequate care to where I’d feel comfortable leaving him there. I actually have horror stories of things I witnessed at multiple different homes. So, I made it my mission to keep him at home and take care of him until his death. He died in his sleep on the morning of September 9, 2021.

It has been such a journey for me since his death. The grief and everything that came with it has been one of my greatest teachers. I didn’t know what to do with myself career wise after he passed. I did not have the funds or time to go back to school to do something I’d truly like to do, I just had to find a job. I tried working at Amazon for a bit because I heard good things about their benefits, and they had a sign on bonus. It was a horrible experience, it felt like I was a slave working there. I packed packages and if we left to use the bathroom or do anything at all outside of a designated break time, it was an issue because our productivity rate wouldn’t be as high as they liked. I also developed severe plantar fasciitis from the concrete floors, and standing in the same position most of the day. I witnessed young and old people alike with bad injuries, most from repetitive motions, and the bending and lifting. So many people with knee braces on. These positions were seriously hurting and injuring many people. One woman I worked with became permanently disabled. I realized quickly that this was not a place I could continue working.

I door dashed for a while, and then I fell back into caregiving because I have had so much experience in it. When I find private pay jobs, I’m paid decently, but most caregiving companies do not pay very well. The idea is to pay employees as little as possible so they can make more money off of our labor. Many of these companies do not offer benefits or insurance either. I worked for a company for 2 years, where I worked between 50-72 hours many many weeks. I would stay overnight at clients homes at times. I would work overnights and day shifts. This company doesn’t offer health insurance. After my car accident, and not being able to afford proper medical care, it was a big wake up call for me. I was overworking myself, not sleeping properly, for this company that didn’t see me as a person or care about my mental or emotional health- only cared about the money I was bringing in for them. I remember explaining how badly my mental and emotional health was being affected by the overnight shifts I had been doing, and asking if I could not go in one night, while I was at work at the day job. I was forced to still work that night. I had a period where I began experiencing severe acid reflux when I had not had any issues with that in many years. I believe it was stress induced from the lack of sleep. In early May, not long after the car accident, I began struggling to sleep, and experiencing overwhelming anxiety and stress. I ended up being hospitalized from May 12th to May 15th. I quit my job on May 11th. There were many issues with this job, the way the business was ran, and things that went on in clients homes that conflicted deeply with my morals and values. The owner of the company also began refusing to give me shifts/hours even with clients that requested me specifically, and I believe it’s because she had some sort of personal issue with me, because I speak up about things, I have standards and stipulations on where and when I’m willing to work, and wasn’t just a “yes mam” type of worker. I do still have a part time job caregiving for a close friend’s mother, but it is nowhere near enough to cover my bills/living expenses.

I see madness all around this world and it sickens me. All these people working these essential jobs, that the world cannot function without, yet they’re paid what in my opinion are slave wages. Not enough money to survive in this economy. Not enough money to pay for proper health care. But we must continue being slaves to the system, right? Find that 9-5 and get to work or else where will you live? How will you eat?

I’m tired. My soul is tired. I put my heart and soul, whole being into taking care of people. But I can’t keep doing it when I can’t take care of me. If you are my Facebook friend, or know me on a personal level, you probably know that I really do try to be a beacon of God’s love and light in this dark world. I try to spread good vibrations as much as I can. I meditate on peace and healing for the world, I pray for people who don’t even know. I go to chapels and religious sites often to pray for the world and light candles. Throughout my life I have volunteered, given to many charities, and given of myself, my time, heart, energy, and money in a myriad of ways, because I believe God works through the actions and hearts of us all and I want to be that light and that change that I want to see in the world. I’ve helped endless homeless people. I’ve helped many friends and family. But I have struggled to receive help. I think I struggle with asking for it, and have always been used to taking care of everything and figuring everything out on my own from a very young age, so making this fundraiser is pretty vulnerable for me.

This Month is my birthday month, June 21st. I am struggling more than I ever have in my life financially. I made enough money to get by somewhat comfortably but I did not have savings, so when I quit this job, everything changed. I have not sought out a new job yet for many reasons. I’m beginning to wonder if I should continue caregiving long term, knowing how much I put into it, and how it does not typically pay well enough unless I work a lot of overtime. Not to mention the way the instability of the job has caused me to feel insecure, due to clients dying, going into homes or the hospital, and then I’m left scrambling to find other work with little to no notice. There are many avenues I would love to pursue for a career I believe would be more fulfilling to me and pay better, but unfortunately I just do not have the time or resources to pursue them. I’m taking a huge risk as it is not working full time/overtime as I always have for these past few weeks. I set this fundraiser for the amount of my house payment, which is due June 15th, and I absolutely have no money to pay. I’m struggling just to afford food, gas, utilities and normal monthly expenses. But, I just really needed some time, to just exist and be a human. To try to take care of myself for a change.

When I referred to this as an existential and spiritual crisis in the beginning of the post, there are many factors at play and it’s far too much for me to elaborate fully. But something that is truly weighing on my heart and hurting me, is that God gave me gifts I haven’t been able to use because I’ve had to be in survival mode working, working, working. Cleaning the house, handling business, helping others. Trying to maintain a work life balance, and failing often, but still finding such gratitude even through the suffering at times. Though I feel my life has been very hard in many ways, there’s been a lot of trauma, hardships, abuse, and grief, I also know I’ve been so blessed. I am so grateful for my breath, my health, the sunshine and flowers. Butterflies and dragonflies. The little things and the beauty in life, the friends that love me, give me strength to keep going.

I want to be able to use my spiritual gifts in the world. I want to make art. I want to write. I’ve wanted to make a book of poetry for so long. I’ve wanted to write a book about my journey with caregiving for my dad. But I haven’t had the time. And I just don’t see, can’t find the way, out of this rat race shit. And I’m tired. I bought this home because it’s an investment and I have a deep desire in my heart to cultivate generational wealth that my family never had. I am proud that my dad had this home though, even if I don’t get to keep it. He was so proud and happy. No one in my family has ever owned anything this nice, this big. I would wheel him around and he was just so happy and grateful. This is where my last years and moments with him were, and I’d really love to keep it. But I can’t pay this house payment this month, and it is large enough that missing one month will make it very difficult to catch up. On top of all these different stress points, I also recently experienced a breakup with a man that I loved more than I’ve ever loved anyone. It has been very hard on me emotionally and mentally, and I’m really struggling with the heartbreak and grief. It has felt like my whole life just kind of fell apart, and I don’t have the strength or will to put it back together yet, to fix everything, to figure everything out, to get back to work just yet.

As I mentioned earlier, I haven't been able to afford going to the chiropractor after my accident. I have multiple issues with my car that need fixed, including the air conditioning and we all know how bad summer heat is here. My privacy fence is broken and needs repaired after a storm. I’m just pretty much drowning in bills and expenses that I can no longer afford. I know $2,300 is a lofty goal. But any help I can recieve at all, is so deeply appreciated. Also just sharing the fundraiser. Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this.