Hello, my name is Amanda, and for the last several years my husband, Jonathan, and I have struggled with infertility, and today, we would like to share our story. First, we want to thank you for taking the time to read our story and for showing interest in our journey.

My whole life the only thing I have ever dreamed of is becoming a mother. I can remember as a child always playing "house" with my dolls. I have always pictured being a mommy and having three or more children. I used to always pick out baby names, I even still like some of those names today! I come from a tremendously large family with many children. When I was around 10 years old, I became an aunt for the first time. I remember being so happy to take care of my new niece. As the years went on, I welcomed more nieces, nephews and sweeties into my heart. I’ve always loved babysitting and volunteering with the kids at my church in Sunday school and VBS. After I graduated high school, I became a teacher at a pre-school and for most of my adult life, I have had a career as a caregiver.

In Spring of 2013, I met and fell in love with Jonathan, the love of my life. We quickly knew we were going to spend forever together. On Thanksgiving of 2014, he proposed to me and I said yes! So naturally during our engagement we not only made wedding plans but also began planning for our family. In June 2015, we got married. At this time in our life, we felt like it was the right time to become parents. So, we immediately started trying for our first child.

A little over a year of trying and month after month of let downs, we still were not pregnant. We felt like we had “done everything right.” we waited until after our marriage, we both had decent jobs, and a nice home. It just didn’t seem fair that it wasn’t happening for us. We were praying and praying to God for answers. In the fall of 2016, I was experiencing a lot of pain, I went to the OBGYN doctor. After doing some testing, he found a large cyst on my right ovary. He told me they had to schedule emergency surgery. With the extent of the cyst they had to remove my whole right side (ovary and Fallopian tube)! This was very devastating to me since I desperately wanted to get pregnant. My doctor reassured me that I could still get pregnant and that my left side was still working. Praise the Lord, thank you Jesus. However, at this point due to all my complications and health issues my OBGYN doctor had to refer me to a fertility specialist.

During the next couple years my husband and I were on an emotional roller coaster. Going to a fertility doctor gave us some hope though. I had to go through several tests, treatments, rounds of medications, shots, blood draws, etc. The whole process was so exhausting. But we knew the end result was going to make it all worth it! I thank God that through all the mess he sent me Jonathan, he was by my side through it all and so supportive. We imagined every month how we were going to reveal to our families (especially our moms) that we were pregnant. Or what fun gender reveal technique we would use at our party with our family surrounding us. We imagined the type of nursery theme we would pick out and all the little baby outfits to put in our little one’s dresser. But month after month and year after year those dreams seemed to fade further and further away. As time went on, we still ached to have a baby, we were starting to consider the devastating fact that it was not going to happen the way we had planned. In March of 2018 my fertility doctor decided it would be a good time to try an IUI procedure (intra-uterine insemination or a type of artificial insemination). After the dreaded 2-week wait, once again we were not pregnant. At this point my Doctor sat me down and explained to me that my AMH (anti-mullerian hormone) test was extremely low. This test tells us how much eggs your body is producing and how many are in your ovarian reserve. My fertility doctor wanted us to look into egg donation, And IVF, but unfortunately this is a very expensive route and it is not guaranteed.

Jonathan and I felt so helpless, what are we going to do, how are we going to afford $50,000-100,000 Just to possibly get pregnant? Who even knows if process would work, its not full proof! Unfortunately, the insurance we carry has absolutely no coverage for fertility treatment! Again we turned to God! “Please God, it’s not fair and it’s so expensive! All we’ve ever wanted is a family of our own and now the dream seems so impossible!“ “Please Lord Jesus, show us the way!”

As you can imagine as a women I felt so useless and frustrated! My body won’t even let me do the one thing women are made to do! Over the next year I started seeing an infertility therapist that my fertility doctor recommended. She helped me with a lot after all the loss and grief I was experiencing! I still see her to this day! Something my therapist has helped me work through is we don’t always get out of life what we have planned for ourselves. She has taught me and given me the tools to over come the fact that my “plan A” may never happen.

Pretty early on in therapy I was introduced to the “Plan A”, “Plan B”, “Plan C”, etc.. system. “Plan A” would be that after Jonathan and I got married we would quickly become pregnant and have a biological child of our own. “Plan B“ would be using the egg donation and IVF route, “Plan C” would be adoption. And etc.. there are many “Plans”., but you get the gist of it.

Adoption? Wow, something Jonathan and I as a couple had talked about but never thought we’d be knocking on that door. One morning right after I found out about egg donation and we went through the whole information session with the fertility center. I was trying to sign on to the egg donation website, but the page just wouldn’t work. After multiple attempts I finally gave up! I was so uneasy about that “Plan” as it was. Then I believe the Lord intervened! I opened one of my social media pages and the VERY first post I saw was an adoption video. It was a beautiful little clip about a young couple who got the phone call their daughter had been born and they went to pick her up. I showed the video to Jonathan and it changed our hearts forever! From that moment on the adoption door was cracked open a little further. Jonathan and I continued to pray for the Lord to lead us down the path he has planned for us.

Eventually all of our dreams and plans were ripped out from under us! Due to all my female complications and health issues we found out I would never carry our child! In July of 2019 I had to have a complete hysterectomy. For many months we were so devastated! This led us into a deep depression and all our “Plans” were buried deep under a rock somewhere! I was so angry at everything and everyone! I just cannot understand still to this day why this has happened to me! I couldn’t stand my body, I couldn’t stand it that God was demanding a different “Plan” for me than what I wanted, and I couldn’t stand anyone who was pregnant! My husband, my family and my therapist were so supportive during this difficult time! The loss I was feeling was so overwhelming! I couldn’t go to baby showers I couldn’t read posts about pregnancy or even be happy for other people! I felt so selfish but the pain is just so unbearable I couldn’t help it.

After some time passed by Jonathan and I started thinking about he only 2 “Plans” left available to us. “Plan A” egg donation, surrogacy and IVF. Again over $100,000! And completely out of reach until we can save up. I do still feel a little uneasy about this “Plan” for personal reasons I would like to keep private.

So that does still leave the option of “Plan B” Adoption. Not that it has to be our very last resort, but I think it’s natural for most couples to want biological children. But when you can’t have biological children you learn that biology and pregnancy is not what makes you parents! We can still be Mommy and Daddy to a beautiful gift from God That needs us. I know we have been through a lot of devastating grief, but I know in my heart God has big plans for us!

Adoption is unfortunately very expensive as well, but luckily there is more of a guarantee with this process. We are looking at anywhere from $10,000-$50,000+.

We continue to pray everyday for answers, I know eventually someday "our time" will come. I am extremely blessed to have a bonus daughter, that the Lord sent me when I got married to Jonathan and 2 beautiful granddaughters. Being an Aunt, Stepmom and Grams, have been very extraordinary experiences for me and have been preparing me to become a wonderful mommy. I do continue to thank God for all the good he has put in my life.

I would like to mention a special thank you to my Parents. You both are always there for me no matter what kind of day I'm having and Lord knows I have great days and very unbearable days. You are so supportive and understanding. With everyday of pain or heartache that I go through you also go through it, and I know you can feel every ounce of my pain. I really want to say I do not know where I would be with out you and Jonathan! And it goes with out saying this story would not be out in the public with out your encouragement and faith that this is the answer! Thank you Mommy for being my biggest fan! I love you, and I can't wait to be as incredible of a mother as you are!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to listen to our story, and for the compassion and support! With the way our world is right now, I know there are many different situations and stories out there, and I know God is leading us to find OUR child! He led me (through my mom) to share our story for a reason! We ask today that everyone please share our story with all your friends. Jonathan and I have been putting money aside for years and making cuts in our budget, to make this possible. If you or anyone you know would like to add a small donation to help us complete our journey we would GREATLY appreciate it.

Please understand that we are just trying to get our story out there and we are actively seeking to adopt a child right now. If you know someone that is pregnant and looking for a loving family, please contact us via this GoFundme. We understand if you are unable to donate at this time, we honestly just appreciate anyone willing to: listen, pray for us and share our story.

Thank you,

With love, Jonathan and Amanda Dews