This is me being extremely vulnerable. I usually don't mind asking for help, but usually I'm asking for a ride to somewhere. For help moving something to Mattituck. But I got hurt recently and I'm really scared of the future. More than I have been in my adulthood.

I was in the city at a concert when I jumped off the stage. I've heard from a variety of sources that wasn't a smart move. And for not thinking about the consequences of my actions, when I tried to get up, I saw my knee was busted. Everyone there was super helpful and empathetic, except for the kid that stepped over my twisted leg to get a better view.

Staff helped me into the back where I called Aunt Phyllis. At the time, I wasn't really sure about an ambulance. I don't know my healthcare's policy on ambulance rides. But she told me if I couldn't walk, I didn't have a choice.

I really just called her for the advice. I was in the city and she was working. I didn't at all expect her to but not long into the call, she told me she was on her way. I can't thank her enough for her help then and her help now. She started driving from the hospital in Northport, and I started going to New York Presbyterian in Manhattan.

The EMT told me it looked like I dislocated my kneecap and when he helped me into the stretcher he accidentally relocated it. Even after being told to go I tried to get away but even with my knee back in place, I still couldn't walk. The doctor confirmed that I dislocated my kneecap. He said I should see an orthopedist to see if I tore anything. The orthopedist said I definitely tore something. One MRI later: it turns out I tore everything.

Full-thickness tear of the anterior cruciate ligament. Partial-thickness tearing of the posterior cruciate ligament. Full-thickness tear of the medial collateral ligament and medial retinaculum. Complete radial tear at and adjacent to the posterior root attachment of the lateral meniscus. Impaction fracture of the anterolateral femoral condyle with 0.5 cm of concavity. Bone contusions along the posterior medial and posterior lateral tibial plateaus.

To reiterate, what I did was dumb. I should not have done it. But it was an accident. I landed wrong. This was a waist-high stage. Again I shouldn't have jumped off of it. But many of the things I've jumped from are the same height. The barge at the oyster farm is waist high from the boat. I jump off of it everyday. The wall by my front door is waist-high. I jump off of it in excitement all the time. The stages at high school and the church where the scouts meet. I really didn't think I was in danger.

Again, it's hard to ask for help. But I'm in trouble here and need a hand. Aunt Phyllis has always been a huge help in situations like these. I am currently ruining her couch. I feel weird about this number but I'm thinking about the bills I'll be getting. Ambulance, hospital, doctor, MRI, now surgery. Physical therapy afterwards. I'm out of work for the rest of the year. There's a lot going on.

Anything anyone donates helps and is immensely appreciated. As with all things, this too shall pass. I'm gonna cry a lot about it but it shall pass.