Help Jeremy to get back to the UK for treatment.

The Story of that weird British Guy you know.

So, as some of you know, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a pretty long time ago. It's a pretty vicious disease (to me anyway). I've just spent another eight days in the funny farm. I think this was my fifth or sixth time so far. I'm also allowed to call it the funny farm because I've been in one. It sounds so much better than being in a mental institution (Thank you "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest") - incidentally, the book is honestly better than the film. However, I digress.

Being British and all that, this is a particularly hard thing to write about. It's true that we Brits (or at least this one) tend to keep things inside, but I'm hoping that my British chums will forgive me and my American chums will understand.

Anyway, this last hospital visit was particularly bad though as I had to be strapped down and sedated at the start of this last visit because I was banging my head against a concrete wall. I know that sounds irrational, but when I'm like this, my brain does not think rationally and banging my head seems to somehow help. I suspect it kind of fixes a glitch in my brain if I'm honest. I truly can't help it.

Unfortunately, my episodes are also becoming more and more frequent. I am, apparently advancing at a reasonable rate. I'm even writing this at 4:30 in the morning because I can't sleep. Actually, it's now 5:15 in the morning.

To answer a few questions:

1. I don't recommend bipolar on the whole. It's really uncomfortable and the drugs don't work as well when you're as agitated as I seem to be during my manic phases.

2. The depressive stage makes me, personally, feel rather suicidal and I have no desire to kill myself (although I do have suicidal ideation) but sometimes the temptation is truly there. It was there the other night just before I got into the ER at my local hospital. I was truly wondering if there was a security guard at the top of the car park to stop me jumping off. That's not hyperbole either, I promise you.

3. I also found out that the average life expectancy of a Bipolar sufferer is around 67. That's only 12 years away (You wouldn't believe I was 55 would you?). Now, what can I do in 12 years? It might be longer, of course, but it also might be shorter, but that's the average. We'll see what way the dice roll, I guess.

4. I have no idea why these things happen. I did just find out from my mother that my grandfather had manic depression which is the old name for bipolar apparently. I live and learn, and he was certainly a character. Apparently, it can also manifest itself as a result of the way you're brought up. I am not blaming anybody here; it's just the way things were back then.

5. The worst part for me is that it's starting to effect my cognitive function (I truly can't remember if I should use the word "effect" or "affect". That's pretty depressing. You wouldn't believe how much I had to use spellcheck on this thing I'm writing right now.

6. If you're curious about the last job I had, I lasted about a week because I just couldn't concentrate. And it was a bloody videogame testing job, of all things! That's pretty humiliating when I used to think I was reasonably intelligent, but no matter what they were trying to train me to do, I just couldn't grasp it. As I already mentioned, I think that's the worst part to be honest with you. I don't want to lose what I consider an essential part of myself.

7. Anyway, the stupidity and loss of memory comes and goes and apparently that's what I have to look forward to in between the bouts of manic behavior during which I may end up in a padded cell. Probably dying of boredom. Or maybe some drugs will help. Sure as hell can't afford them over here in the US. I think I owe about $30,000 over here so far.

8. In addition, as some of you know, I have both pretty bad arthritis and titanium in my back holding it together which is playing havoc with my music playing, which was always one of my first loves. It's becoming more difficult to play both the piano and guitar. That's a real pisser.

More Information:

Anyway, I'm going to have to move back to the UK for a while and stay with my mother for a bit and get treatment that I hopefully won't have to pay for (Thanks United Kingdom National Universal Health Care Service!). I am also in the process of claiming disability. Now, that's really humiliating, so we'll see how that goes. Honestly, I'd much rather be working.

So, if you've read this far, and you know me reasonably well, I am extremely reluctantly setting up this GoFundMe campaign to allow me to get my UK passport renewed, a flight back to the UK and various living expenses. I am somewhat hopeful that with the free health care over in the UK, I'll be at least somewhat more "normal" - (Normal can mean many things, of course).

Depending on what happens over in the UK, I would like to come back to the US, but I honestly don't know how possible that will be. I will be there for at least a few months, probably more. That's also kind of a pisser as I've made some great friends over here.

Expenses.

1. Airlines.

The biggest first cost will be the air fair. I can only get a single each way because I have no idea if, or when, I will be back and apparently airlines don't do open ended returns anymore. At least not that I've been able to find so far. From my research, it looks like it'll be about $1,000 each way. That's not set in stone, but because of my back and arthritis issues, I quite simply won't be able to sit in a standard seat for 11 and a half hours for the trip back. I need at least some sort of premium economy seat otherwise I'm kind of buggered.

2. Cost of health care.

Although the British NHS is free at the point of use, a lot has changed since I've lived over there so I may have to see private specialists, which will cost. I have no idea how much and how it works over there now.

3. Transportation.

London is a big city and I am probably going to have to catch a bunch of Taxis or Ubers or whatever the latest transportation policy is to get me to where I'm supposed to be going. I'm sure my mother will come with me (or at least I hope she will), but she can't easily travel on public transport either.

4. Place to live while I'm over here:

Much as my mother is very kindly allowing me to stay with her for a while, I have no wish to overstay my welcome so I also need to raise some living expenses, like rent for when I move out, food, any extra medical bills (if any).

I'm sure there are many other things I haven't included because, quite honestly, I can't think of them right now but allowing for the airfare and everything else, I think I need to raise about $15,000. I've been speaking to a few friends and that seems to be a reasonable figure to allow me to pay for everything I need. This also covers the potential cost of me being stuck in a mental institution for at least 6 months, which is something the pessimistic side of me has to allow for.

Feels like too much to me, but, of course, the US Dollar is worth less than the UK pound so everything will be a lot more expensive over there.

Anyway, I guess that's it. Sorry to lay this one on you and excuse the somewhat British vernacular.

If anyone has any questions, please let me know and I'll answer them to the best of my abilities.

Oh, and please feel free to share. Cheers!