Support Jeremy's efforts towards stability

Those who understand will never judge, and those who judge will never understand. -tiny Buddha

In what seems like the blink of an eye, my whole world changed…

I worked for a company that I once thought I may retire with. It wasn’t the highest ranking position, but I was highly respected and relied upon by other internal departments and coworkers. I had been there for 6 years, never called out sick, and had 3 full months of unused PTO. Mostly because 9 months of the year seemed to be PTO blackouts, but still, it’s impressive. My position felt secure, comfortable and solid.

In May of 2023, rapid growth and changes in HR policies meant I was no longer able to keep my remote position. I was forced to seek other employment, regardless of my proven reputation with coworkers and elite clientele.

I had saved a nest egg of about 8 months worth to live on in case of an emergency. The reality of so many people being only one paycheck away from homelessness inspired me to be as responsible as I could. I felt ok because I tried to prepare for the unknown and a worst case scenario.

After one full year of applying for work, hundreds of applications later, and my savings diminishing, I could only secure part time employment at minimum wage. I was unable to piece together two part time jobs because they all required full/open availability for consideration of hours to be scheduled each week.

I reached out to several previous clients of mine who'd once offered me to leave my company and work for them. Those moments of opportunity were now long gone. My resume was on point, my work experience solid and verifiable, I had a 790 credit score, no mental health issues, no physical issues, no substance abuse issues and no criminal history.

I reached out to what I thought was a massive network of friends on social media, each of whom I’d met at some point in my life, through my travels.

It was clear that I knew a lot of people, had fun with a lot of people in a bar, helped some of them pay for a late bill or provide an occasional bed and breakfast to someone in need…..but none of that was considered friendship. None of the work lunches or ride-shares (when on site) counted for much.

I was a bit disappointed and somewhat shocked at the lack of support. I felt disowned and forgotten by what I thought was a huge network of chosen family and friends. It was a wake up call.

I contemplated reaching out to some family as a short term alternative, but realized I hadn’t seen any of them since 2010. I left home at an early age because of differences in basic human rights/equality and intolerance of most people in the small town I come from. I chose myself and promised me that I would never look back, even if it meant leaving behind people I loved.

To be fair, none of them ever knew much of my struggle and some may offer to help….even though in my eyes, it isn’t possible. Being simply tolerated isn’t enough. Besides that, they each have their own struggles. I've always been independent, and take pride in not burdening others.

Not being able to pay my upcoming rent, I had to make a very difficult choice. To adopt out my two babies, the only two beings who I felt loved me unconditionally since my mother passed in 2003.

It will haunt me forever, knowing that they both think I just abandoned them. If there was any other way, I would have taken it.

I sold everything in the apartment, found another family who promised to provide where I failed supporting the kitties, chose to file chapter 7 bankruptcy because of credit card debt to stay housed, and started to live out of a rental car…because I couldn’t afford to keep making payments on my car with only part time employment.

The list of applications was sitting at 1000 now and I maybe had 5 interviews over 18 months. I applied for onsite, remote, and in multiple states. Mostly west and east coast…I very much try to avoid middle America.

It was the same generic answer on each denial letter received. “Mr. Corvin, while your skills are certainly impressive and you were a top contender, we’ve chosen another candidate who we feel is better suited for the recruitment process. Please continue to consider applying for other roles as they become available”…..over and over.

I mean not even Walmart, McDonald’s or Taco Bell would give me an interview. Because I didn’t have entry level fast food experience, what a joke! Walk in inquiries were quickly shut down and seemingly impossible.

It was suggested that my past position combined with only an associate's degree was no longer enough. Employers could employ higher educated individuals for less per hour, and not consider my six years of experience. For others, I was overqualified, under qualified, or just simply not chosen due to luck of the draw.

I felt denied by the entire world at this point and saw myself potentially being homeless in only a couple of months time if I couldn’t get full time work. Call it self pity. Call it panic mode. Call it crazy. Call it whatever you like, but I call it determination.

I decided to take what little I had left and fly halfway around the planet to teach ESL as a new way of living. Terrifying, but also extremely hopeful and determined to live my life in some meaningful way! I wasn’t giving up.

Is it possible that when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is ?…..

Roughly 10 days after arriving in a foreign land, I started to feel sick. I thought it was just a cold, maybe just traveler's diarrhea.

The doctors misdiagnosed me a few times and about 5 weeks into this, I ended up in the hospital with more severe symptoms. I also had a reaction to one of the medications that made breathing difficult.

They finally ran the necessary tests and confirmed I had two really bad strains of E. Coli and a viral gut infection likely caused by multiple sources of contaminated food. Along with the side effects of a reaction to unnecessary medication, my body was overwhelmed and slightly in and out of shock. I had also developed a fungal skin infection due to a weakened immune system and the humidity.

With the correct diagnosis, weeks of antibiotics, anti fungals, antivirals and lots of recovery time, I began to finally get better. But I didn’t have enough cash to cover my medical expenses in a foreign country with no insurance.

Was it stupid to have no insurance? Yes of course, but I also didn’t have insurance while unemployed in the U.S. and that bill would have been 1000 times worse. At the time, it didn’t matter.

In my fortune (if I can say that), the hospital agreed to accept all of the cash on hand less the amount of a one way ticket back to the U.S., and close the bill as paid.

Teaching ESL in a foreign country never stood a chance!

Bam! Two days later I’m on a flight back to San Francisco (because it was the cheapest destination from Vietnam), knowing that upon arrival I’ll be financially broke, have $130 left to my name, the worst credit known to mankind, no support system, no one that can be called a true friend, family that I haven’t seen in well over a decade, no car, no job, and officially homeless!

At the airport, I applied for job listings recommended by gmail in Portland, thinking "why not?" Surprisingly, there was contact … and interest from more than one employer, on the same day as applying! 3 Interviews were requested for the same week. Nothing compared to my previous pay rate, but an opportunity to survive.

A small glimmer of hope in the largest dumpster fire ever to manifest!

I was able to get a bus ticket to Portland, and I had a tax refund pending in my bank account. That was just enough to secure a roommate situation right where I was hopefully going to secure work!

Job interviews are lined up, I've video chatted on Facebook with my new roommate and paid in advance for a place to stay upon arrival. But when I arrive, my roommate is no longer in my chat history. The person has blocked me online. The phone number I was given doesn't work. The address I arrive at has an unknown family living there.

Being a first time roomie, I was naive. I was scammed. I filed the report with Facebook and PayPal, but it doesn't look good and will take up to 90 days for an investigation.

Survival mode level up! I instantly apply and get approved for SNAP. I discover 2 local food pantries for immediate assistance. I get approved for Medicaid, just in case. I set up general delivery at the post office. I start reaching out to every shelter and church in a 20 mile radius.

All of the shelters are full, or I don’t qualify because they’re all program specific. I’m “not youth”, “not a family of more than one person”, “not technically a resident of Oregon”, “don’t have substance abuse issues or suicidal tendencies”, I don’t know a soul in the area, etc. Most churches provide a resource list of every shelter I’ve just called, or are not equipped for my requests.

A roadblock at every attempt to not sleep on the streets.

I end up choosing to sleep behind a church, in a quiet neighborhood, where I’m less likely to be seen or heard, and to remain disassociated with other homeless in the area. It’s surrounded by forest and in a well to do area of town. It feels the most safe. It’s walking distance to public restrooms, grocery stores and where I’m hoping to work.

Silent cries for help are met with questioning eyes or lowkey remarks from strangers. “Mom, is that guy going to the airport”, “drugs are bad man”, “look hun, another one. What a waste”, “you can’t sit here, keep walking”, “probably a crack head”, “what a loser”, etc.

Just a guy, still somewhat clean and wheeling around two suitcases and a backpack. Their assumptions couldn’t be further from my truth, and silent judgements are hitting just a little harder now.

Online dating apps are blowing up in a new city, but I don’t currently look (or smell) like my profile photos. Last minute thoughts of "maybe I could" were quickly self-rejected.

Craigslist help ads are flagged for removal minutes after posting. It’s sad that someone spends their days flagging craigslist posts (especially for work wanted or help) lmao, whatever.

One shelter called and had a last minute open bed, but it was a 10 bunk shared space, inhabited by addicts or recovering. It was impossible for me to try and integrate into that (no offense and mad respect for anyone struggling or recovering.)

I did get on a list for some relief, but it may be 6 months away, and no promises. People tend to not leave, once “in.”

Another shelter entered me into their daily Lottery. My name could be drawn one night, or it could not be drawn for eternity. The same mental situation, but the guests change daily......All I could think of is 'The Hunger Games'......"May the odds be ever in your favor."

Shivering in the cold, a sunburned nose, chapped lips, cheeks sunken from not eating and being previously sick, bloodshot and black eyes from sleep deprivation….I begin to understand some of the hateful looks and remarks. I’m starting to look like a tweaker, but all I’m high on is sadness, disappointment and the right to support myself.

A few days on the streets takes quite a toll, physically and mentally. One day can seem like a whole month. One week can age you 5 years. I have tender spots on my hips, buttocks, shoulders and ribs where I try to sleep on the ground or hard surface. No fluffy pillows in sight.

I once saw myself as a Knight in shining armor, secure and looking for my love. Now I dream of my own knight in shining armor coming to lift me up, but I know this is no fairy tale. It is a surreal existence.

I realize in a single moment, it has only ever been me, then and now. No one comes to save you. I have moments of self reflection and self pity, and quickly remind myself of my strength to overcome any negative emotion.

A kind soul I became acquainted with at the hospital in Vietnam had a tattooing business as a second income. He offered to tattoo me for free as a symbol of my strength and courage.

It may not have been the best idea, attacking my immune system while still recovering from multiple illnesses….but I did it. I now have a dragon tattoo down the side of my ribs. Something I can always carry with me as a reminder.

I ask myself what I could have done differently? How are the last two years even possible? Why would no one consider me for work or no friends offer me a couch, when I didn’t ask for any of this? I only ever tried, relentlessly.

Maybe it was working remotely for 6 years and isolating myself through the covid pandemic. Maybe if I put my pride aside and tolerated discrimination and judgement back where I came from…but that place also no longer exists. Everyone went their own way. Maybe if I had been a whore, just once, I would be living a different life right now.

But I refuse. At 41 years old, my morals are on point and I love me. I shouldn’t have to change myself to be chosen or accepted by or for anything or anyone. I can only continue to try to be the best version of me. I also understand that everyone has their own lives, their own struggles, and many cannot offer to help, even if they wanted to. Look at me…I would want to help anyone, but I’m currently barely able to help myself.

My interviews went well. I'm hoping someone calls back with an offer and an estimated start date! I've found a shelter that offers free laundry on Thursday's, and I illegally rode the bus to take advantage of that today!

In the same day, a stranger messaged me on Facebook from a similar post to this one (but in much less detail.) I met up with her husband and they offered to put me in a hotel for 3 nights. Complete strangers selflessly offering to help me in one of the worst times of my life.

It offers a break from the torture. It offers a warm bed, unlimited hot showers, free breakfast (x3 on the first morning.) It offers silence, a moment to reflect, and an opportunity to build myself back up. It begins to restore my faith in humanity, just a little bit.

I am forever grateful to have met them.

My future is still uncertain, nothing is confirmed, yet I still march forward. Someone or something is looking out for me, I feel it in my core.

While this time is trying and beyond terrifying, I also possess an unexplainable calmness. An odd balance of bad luck and good fortune. Even though it appears like a lot of rejection, I suspect that it’s instead redirection, to a place and time I’m meant to be.

To be continued……

~ Jeremy Corvin

(Funds will be used for basic hygiene necessities, paying cell phone bill, gym membership to shower, possible transportation for job relocation, storage membership for clothing and/or room accommodation.)