Here I am, 51, married to my high school sweetheart, and together for 38 years. He’s my rock I cling onto. I’ve stayed silent about how sick I’ve been, and he’s the only one that knows the depth of my health status. I’m a nurse, and I’m baffled at how this has happened to me starting in my late 40s.

We have 2 adult kids, and they don’t even know what’s happening. I want to see how they go through their lives.

So I’ve reached the point where I must ask for help. I can’t afford to see the specialists I’m supposed to see: Texas Oncology, liver transplant in Dallas, nephrologist for level 3 kidney disease, GI, neurologist for a spot on my brain, just for starters. I’ve been on a ventilator in ICU, another ICU stay, then ICU step-down stay as well. I can’t drive anymore or work. Disability has taken over a year for a decision. I'VE GOT TO GET TO THE RIGHT DOCTORS!

I posted healthy pictures and one post-ICU. It’s very humbling to post your health issues, but we have exhausted everything, so I have to break down and stop pretending everything is fine. I’m not fine. My optimism is about to run dry.