Help Jamie Escape the Green Bubble Ghetto

Hi friends, enemies, and people who only communicate via emojis—

We come to you today with heavy thumbs and shattered group chats to tell you the tragic tale of Jamie. Jamie is a kind, bright, well-meaning young woman. But despite her otherwise upstanding character, she lives a life of deep societal shame: she owns an Android.

Every day, Jamie wakes up and checks her messages only to be greeted by the same soul-crushing color: green. Her texts are the scarlet letter of the digital age. She is the green bubble. She is “that person” ruining the group chat vibes. No reactions. No typing indicators. No seamless FaceTime. Just isolation, suspicion, and people wondering if she’s secretly 47 and still using T9.

She’s been ghosted—not because of her personality, but because her messages come in like email. She’s been excluded from plans because “someone forgot to add her manually.” She once sent a photo and it arrived pixelated like an early ‘90s JPEG download on dial-up. The trauma is real.

We, her friends, can no longer stand idly by while she suffers this public tech stoning. For just $999, we can put a real phone in Jamie’s hand—a pristine, socially acceptable iPhone. A phone that will let her react with a heart, see when you’re typing, and finally turn blue in the eyes of the ones she loves.

Let’s come together as a community and lift Jamie out of the murky green shadows and into the glorious cerulean light of iMessage salvation. Your donation could change a life.

Do it for Jamie. Do it for the group chat. Do it for America.

➡️

#MakeJamieBlueAgain