Help! I've fallen and can't get up without help

Hi all. I'm Bart and I have a problem. I'm faceplanting too much walking down the stairs. Too many strokes. Three of them in all. My legs wobble too much although the weird thing is I have no issues driving. But alas, NYS won't let me drive as a school bus driver. Signed up for SSD but have close to a year to wait. If it was just the strokes I might be able to deal with it but just had an MRI on the ole back today for them to tell me my back is messed up something fierce. Also have bad neuropathy in my legs and about a month ago neuropathy hit my hands hard. Right now I write as a 3yr old. Basically i 'm messed up. On top of that I had a quad bypass and my Dr pulled out a football sized tumor out of my side a while back.

Need bills paid and a scooter to ride. Preferably one with racing stripes. And a ramp so no more faceplanting. Tire of eating asphalt and grass.

No AI was harmed writing this.

You might think it's strange to make light of strokes, quad bypasses, tumors heart attacks etc etc. You are right, These can be rather morbid but I do have depression and if I didnt laugh at my problems I'd probably go insane. I'd rather make people giggle a little than cry