Hello,
My name is Elizabeth. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and Complex PTSD. Most of my trauma comes from abandonment as a child. I live in Seoul, South Korea as a graduate student. I haven't been able to visit home in a couple of years due to airfare prices, but recently my mental health situation has become dire and my parents are afraid of what I might do, as am I.
All in the last two months:
- I've been abandoned without a word by my closest friend here in Korea, leaving me feeling isolated and alone. We had been best friends since we both met here in Korea as the only foreign students in our department. She introduced me to her whole family and friends and then one day, after a fun sleepover, she just started ghosting me and to this day has never replied or even read any of my Telegram, WhatsApp, SMS, or Instagram messages. This has been triggering my abandonment trauma and I've been having severe night terrors, PTSD flashbacks, and more.
- The racism I've experienced from the professors lately has been making me feel even more isolated and cut off. Due to one specific professor proclaiming that I was the reason all the students in the class needed to speak in English (even though the syllabus said the class was supposed to be taught in English), I've been getting bullied by my classmates and some of my Korean acquaintances have been distancing themselves from me.
- It was my birthday this month and not a single one of my friends remembered it. When I was a little girl, growing up, I always ended up crying on my birthday due to toxic family issues, so when I turned 18 I decided I just wouldn't celebrate my birthday anymore. And that was good. But two years ago my therapist said I should try to start celebrating again to heal that wound, and for the past two years I was able to have birthdays that replaced bad memories, but this year I just felt completely abandoned and like no one even cared to remember.
- Lastly, last month I finally ended an emotionally abusive relationship. He would make me feel inferior, call out things I was doing as being stupid, everything was always my fault, and I could never do anything right. So I gathered up the courage and left. This month, my friend recommended I try and go on a date, and I found someone who seemed great at an AI conference. We went on two dates, then he messaged me and said he no longer wanted to see me because, in his exact words, I was not "beautiful or fit enough for [his] standards". I've gained weight due to high levels of cortisol and stress from my previous relationship and I've never felt less confident or beautiful in my life.
Lately my mind has been wandering to thoughts of suicide, but I know that's not the answer. I feel so lonely and isolated and abandoned here in Korea, I just want to raise money to fly home for Christmas and be around people who love and value me. I've never felt so miserable in my life, and I just want to make the feeling stop.
If you could spare some money for a plane ticket, I would be incredibly grateful. I don't make much money as an international graduate student, so I cannot afford it. My parents also cannot afford it as my grandfather is approaching his final months and needs end of life care, which is expensive.
Organizer
