Who I Am

Hi, there. I'm India, and if you're reading this, you probably already know me, but here's a short bio.

I was raised in Altadena and Pasadena, CA, where I attended the same tiny private Christian school with roughly the same 60 kids for all of K-8. Ever curious and precocious, I then decided I wanted an adventure and shipped myself off to an elite boarding school in New Hampshire, Phillips Exeter Academy (PEA), at the tender age of 14.

Four years later, I graduated and returned to the West Coast to attend Reed College. This was a mistake. Although Reed had been my dream school since my freshman year at PEA, and though I remain proud to call myself a Reedie, I can see in hindsight that I should have taken a gap year. PEA did a lot for me, but it failed to catch my escalating ADHD even though it was very obviously effecting my academic performance. By the time I got to Reed in 2012, I was already struggling against the inevitable burnout, depression, and anxiety that comes with high-masking, high-performance, but undiagnosed ADHD.

My final year at Reed was a nightmare, and I barely graduated. Not because I struggled with the work--my grades were actually quite impressive considering I was basically a zombie for four years--but because I was struggling to simply exist by that point. My inability to manage the basic administrative and domestic tasks of life was, and remains, seriously debilitating. For example, although I technically graduated in 2016 with a surplus of credits, I wasn't allowed to walk or receive my diploma until 2017 due to a series of administrative issues that I simply did not have the energy or mental capacity to navigate at the time.

By the time I finished my senior year at Reed, I was pretty much burnt out. Unfortunately, I returned home to a less-than-ideal housing situation in Altadena, sleeping on a couch in the front room of my childhood home for about nine months. Any knowledgeable mental health professional will tell you that even with best treatment, the kind of severe, sustained burnout I was experiencing requires years of complex, nonlinear recovery. I personally needed at least a year and a half to recover from the near decade of historically white, high stress academic environments I'd chosen to inhabit. Instead, I got a job as a Starbucks barista.

After almost immediately growing frustrated with barista life, desperate for my own bedroom and roommates who respected my work/sleep schedule, I chose to return to Portland for a job as an Executive & Office Assistant at a literary nonprofit. If you know anything about nonprofit, you'll recognize this as my final mistake. I was nowhere near mentally or emotionally fit enough to live truly independently, especially given that my new position would require almost all of my energy and executive functioning just to keep things running smoothly. No exaggeration, the entire organization depended on my organizational skills and executive functioning, leaving little-to-none for myself. Unsurprisingly, I lost my nonprofit job in 2019 (exactly two years later, down to the day!), after almost literally collapsing from exhaustion. I then found myself on a precipitous downhill slide towards rock bottom. That's what brings us to my situation today.

What The Situation Is

By September 4 of this year I need a new place to live. My roommate will be moving out of state at that time, and I cannot afford to stay in our apartment or even this building on my own. I’m writing this today, because I need help to stay housed. I have my nose to the grindstone looking for sustainable employment, but I think we all know the job market is tough right now, especially for those of us who are disabled and whose skills are rapidly being replaced by AI.

I have spent the last six years trying to claw myself out of ADHD burnout, severe depression, and debilitating anxiety. I didn't even known ADHD was part of the equation until I was diagnosed in 2022. That same year, I was diagnosed with Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (H-EDS), a degenerative connective tissue disorder that impacts my physical mobility on a daily basis. Since turning 30, I have experienced a significant increase in both my daily pain levels as well as the number and severity of injuries I sustain from seemingly harmless everyday activities. I have also unknowingly been battling chronic, severe iron-deficient anemia for years, though I recently received an absolutely life-changing iron infusion. My diagnoses have forced me to limit my job search to primarily remote work in order to accommodate my physical and mental health needs. This has felt especially frustrating, because many positions that align with my skill set often have physical requirements and a lack of work-from-home flexibility that prevent me from even applying.

Thankfully, I have been blessed to have the emotional and financial support of my best friend/roommate throughout this multi-year process of overcoming a potentially fatal mental health episode. That might sound dramatic to some, but it’s the truth. After I lost my job in 2019, I wanted to die. I spent at least three years barely able to leave my bed or home, regularly contemplating my own death, because I did not see a place for me (a soft, sensitive, ADHD soul) in this cruel capitalist world. It has taken me all this time to shake off the suffocating weight of that anxiety and shame, to remember who I am and what I'm worth. Honestly, between the ADHD, H-EDS, and my chronic predisposition to depression & anxiety, I still struggle to understand just how someone like me might integrate as a contributing member to our current society.

But I refuse to give up! I am determined to find my way in life; I’ve survived too long to give up now. If anything, becoming aware of and accepting my disabilities has reminded me of all my strengths. Maybe even helped me discover and develop a few new ones.

All that to say that I remain the curious and determined young woman you once knew. I've set up profiles for petsitting services and continue searching/applying for longer term employment. I’m also currently working on graduate school applications to a handful of Creative Writing MFA programs. I’m expanding my Portland network by leveraging the Reed College alumni and employment directories and getting more involved in alumni volunteering. I'm specifically focusing on supporting BIPOC students and recent grads as well as helping to plan my upcoming ten-year reunion. Finally, I’m actively reaching out to my existing Portland community for housing and employment support; I've already received some promising leads. So know that I am by no means stagnant, just a little stuck and struggling.

I know my situation won’t make sense to everyone, but I'm hoping that at least a few will empathize or sympathize. Regardless of whether you are able and choose to give, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and engage with my story.

How You Can Help

I am looking to secure 1-3 months of rent as a buffer until I find more consistent employment. Even the cheapest rooms in Portland come out to about $950, including utilities. Rounding up a bit for other moving incidentals, I'm starting my goal at $3500. That feels like a lot to ask of folks when times are so tough, but I think that's the lowest I can safely go.

If you can't contribute financially, but have other forms of aid to offer (body doubling, moving assistance, employment/housing leads, etc.) OR if you'd like to know more about my diagnoses and how they effect me, please do not hesitate to reach out to me on social media or through text.

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope you have a beautiful day!

(Caving pics included to remind everyone, especially me, that I'm more than capable of scrabbling through the darkness and back up into the light.)