Donation protected
As most of you already know, I suffered a life changing injury while traveling abroad this summer. I slipped on a floor which caused a complete dislocation of my right knee. For the first time, along with my life saving friend Heather, we got to see what the tops of my fibula, and my tibia looked like! GROSS!! Visible under my skin but popped out completely to the outside of my right leg. When I think back to those moments my stomach drops.
Thankfully Heather was there, hovered over my leg so no one bumped in to me until the ambulance arrived. I had no idea what was ahead of me. I spent the next 5 days in the hospital, in Tel Aviv. I received A+ care from the doctors and nurses, and my dear friends. I had to get back to NY, home, so From the hospital, I had to take an ambulance (an expensive ambulance) through the back of the airport. Security checked me in from back of the van! The pilot and some crew came as well to assess whether or not I would be able to fly. I had a cast up to my groin so I was only allowed to lay flat I had to purchase a CRAZY expensive first class, which was the price of a small car. I was instructed from the doctors to do so because I had to fly lying flat. Swelling & pain were the pilots concern, as were blood clots. I was prepared, with my dear Mother, to administer thinners a couple times during the flight. I was raised by a hydraulic lift into the plane. 30 minutes later I was “settled” and they could board other passengers. All set up in my first of many adult diapers ! as we took off! I wasn’t even able to use the bathroom in my condition.We arrived early morning in NY and went straight to my first of 3 surgeons. More x-rays, MRI’s, ultrasounds, casts ensued. They confirmed what the doctors in Israel said. I had torn all 4 of my ligaments. They explained I would best be served by spacing out my surgeries. The first one would be to my LCL by trying to repair instead of reconstruct. This wasn’t the original plan, but a revised plan we learned and had to decide about quickly. I’m thankful we went ahead with the surgery!! Since the accident, I hadn’t had feeling or movement in my foot which meant my perineal nerve was damaged. How much damage we wouldn’t know for a while. This nerve is responsible for feeling and movement which allows for walking! I haven’t been able to walk since July.When I woke up from surgery I was in indescribable pain. That incredible pain didn’t let up for 4 days, which was followed by weeks of very intense pain and indescribable discomfort. We are talking no sleep, barely eating, diapers, and again THE PAIN. I could not move. After surgery we learned some important information. First that my nerve was severely contused. If I had waited to have surgery my nerve would have died, making walking an impossibility without braces and intense physical & occupational therapy. Leaving me with a permanent handicap. We still weren’t sure my nerve was alive, and we wouldn’t know for months. They had to fix my calf and hamstring, both had “popped out of their root” which meant rehabilitating those muscles completely. They tethered my fibula & tibia so they stayed in place until my next surgery.My mother and I moved to a hotel since I have a 4th floor walkup in Brooklyn. Thankfully after a week there, my ultrasound showed no clots and I was clear to fly home to Nebraska for recovery. I was still having daily shots of blood thinners. There was risk but I was out of options, out of finances. At this point we were about $20,000 out of pocket. 14 days in. Luckily I have the best parents who agreed to help me with the several months of healing, bed rest, feeding, medicines etc. After 6 weeks I started physical therapy to prepare for my next surgery. During this time I became pretty good at using crutches and wheeling around the house in a wheelchair and learning how to use the restroom and shower without my folks’ assistance. Making meals was almost impossible! But I tried!At this point the experience of being newly handicapped and continuing without a certain end date of recovery put me into a deep, dark depression. I called dozens of therapists, psychiatrists, etc and no one could see me for 6-8 weeks, if at all. Life started to look really bleak. I wasn’t able to walk, make myself food, bring myself water, take a shower, etc. The panic attacks were becoming stronger and more frequent. The depression was really taking a toll on me and my family. We became desperate and confused and scared. Uninformed that this was a normal reaction to an ambulatory arrest, I assumed my depression was me being bratty and selfish or that my past experiences were taking over, or that I was ungrateful not thankful enough that someday I would be able to walk and this wasn’t a permanent condition. I was living in a constant state of confusion, desperation and fear. It was all becoming more than we could handle. My roommate in New York left me high and dry owing me loads of money and stopped communication. I was struggling with insurance and arguing with what they didn’t want to pay for. Drowning in piles of paperwork and bills. I was was in a panic about not being able to work because of the pain and mobility issues. I was thinking about my future and if I will be able to continue my career as a stylist, a career I had been building for almost 15 years. How would I be able to pay my hospital bills and recover financially from all of this? Not to mention having to rely on someone emptying my commode because I can’t make it to the bathroom, or simple things like carrying a cup and walking at the same time, or carrying my towel to the bathroom to bathe, OR being able to actually take a shower!!! My mind raced on and on. I was hospitalized for depression for a few days. It was there I finally got a psychologist, a psychiatrist and the support I was needing and so greatly searching for. Saying that I was hospitalized for depression is and will maybe always be hard to say out loud. But it has saved me. This experience has really shaken me to my foundations.My second surgery came 3 months after the first. I was told the first surgery didn’t take. All that time, pain, frustration for nothing. So the new surgeons made a rough plan. The part I haven’t mentioned yet is that this injury is extremely rare. Finding a surgeon that would take on a multi ligament surgery was difficult. So many factors come into play, they need to have access to allografts, be attached to a hospital, have experience with reconstructing multiples at one time. So the plan was always an outline, once they were in they would adapt to what they saw. They harvested a piece of my hamstring to recreate my ACL, but remember my hamstring was already damaged and trying to heal, they used cadaver tissue to reconstruct my LCL, they then worked on the MCL & PCL, trimmed and stitched my meniscus. Holes drilled into my bones and hardware to attach it all. Five and a half hours later I was out of surgery. Back in that familiar pain. I was part hopeful, part defeated, and very tired.3 days after this surgery my union 829 Local, dropped me from my insurance because I didn’t make my quota last quarter. How could I? I had informed them of my injury first thing back from Israel. They said they couldn’t help with disability care for their members but I could apply for a disability $4500 grant. My insurance through COBRA is now $823/month. Also, they denied me the grant without reason, and didn’t respond to my calls and emails. Defeat. I had to add this to all my other bills, adding insult to injury.I continue to long for the days I had taken for granted my entire life, when I could walk again. Live pain free. Sleep through a night. Simple things that I’ll never take for granted again. I have learned about my most patient and enduring friendships; the ones that have sent me love through, flowers, gifts, phone calls, meals, cleaning, hand holding and tears. I have grown a whole new reverence for my parents. Without them, I really have no idea where I would be living, or how I would be fed, bathed, or who would have stayed up all night with me, crying with me, for months now. It’s taken a toll on all of us. Moving to the positives; to things I can do now-, I move and feel my right foot COMPLETELY!!! Which means my nerve has healed (miraculously) I can bend my knee 119°! I can shift weight from side to side assisted! I can walk with help of a machine up to 75% of my body weight! As of November 21st (5 months later) I am using only one crutch! Which means I can carry one thing and walk at the same time!! These achievements give me hope. However small they seem they are monumental to me. I am not dwelling on the 6 months I couldn’t walk. Or the year still ahead of me for recovery, therapy, braces and hopefully no more surgery. I’m looking to the future, scared and excited. There’s nothing ahead but opportunity. I got through the last several months, and i know I can get through the rest.This experience has left me with over $200,000 in medical bills. I do have insurance but unfortunately our system isn’t set up to cover all costs. Everything from the hospital and ambulance and flight from Israel, to the hotel and flights home in NY. The MRI’s, ultrasounds, hospital stays, medicines, co-pays, physical therapy, mental therapy, food,life bills, MY RENT IN NY , it’s all added up so far to be well over $50,000. Well over. And my future with work is uncertain although I am hopeful.I’m embarrassed to ask for help, but I’m drowning. Any little bit could help me pay my hospital bills. I know this isn’t your problem, but I would humbly and greatly appreciate any help you can give. No matter how much.Thank you for listening to my story. I hope we can make a change where one day this country can be one where an accident doesn’t bankrupt your life and change your trajectory forever.
Thankfully Heather was there, hovered over my leg so no one bumped in to me until the ambulance arrived. I had no idea what was ahead of me. I spent the next 5 days in the hospital, in Tel Aviv. I received A+ care from the doctors and nurses, and my dear friends. I had to get back to NY, home, so From the hospital, I had to take an ambulance (an expensive ambulance) through the back of the airport. Security checked me in from back of the van! The pilot and some crew came as well to assess whether or not I would be able to fly. I had a cast up to my groin so I was only allowed to lay flat I had to purchase a CRAZY expensive first class, which was the price of a small car. I was instructed from the doctors to do so because I had to fly lying flat. Swelling & pain were the pilots concern, as were blood clots. I was prepared, with my dear Mother, to administer thinners a couple times during the flight. I was raised by a hydraulic lift into the plane. 30 minutes later I was “settled” and they could board other passengers. All set up in my first of many adult diapers ! as we took off! I wasn’t even able to use the bathroom in my condition.We arrived early morning in NY and went straight to my first of 3 surgeons. More x-rays, MRI’s, ultrasounds, casts ensued. They confirmed what the doctors in Israel said. I had torn all 4 of my ligaments. They explained I would best be served by spacing out my surgeries. The first one would be to my LCL by trying to repair instead of reconstruct. This wasn’t the original plan, but a revised plan we learned and had to decide about quickly. I’m thankful we went ahead with the surgery!! Since the accident, I hadn’t had feeling or movement in my foot which meant my perineal nerve was damaged. How much damage we wouldn’t know for a while. This nerve is responsible for feeling and movement which allows for walking! I haven’t been able to walk since July.When I woke up from surgery I was in indescribable pain. That incredible pain didn’t let up for 4 days, which was followed by weeks of very intense pain and indescribable discomfort. We are talking no sleep, barely eating, diapers, and again THE PAIN. I could not move. After surgery we learned some important information. First that my nerve was severely contused. If I had waited to have surgery my nerve would have died, making walking an impossibility without braces and intense physical & occupational therapy. Leaving me with a permanent handicap. We still weren’t sure my nerve was alive, and we wouldn’t know for months. They had to fix my calf and hamstring, both had “popped out of their root” which meant rehabilitating those muscles completely. They tethered my fibula & tibia so they stayed in place until my next surgery.My mother and I moved to a hotel since I have a 4th floor walkup in Brooklyn. Thankfully after a week there, my ultrasound showed no clots and I was clear to fly home to Nebraska for recovery. I was still having daily shots of blood thinners. There was risk but I was out of options, out of finances. At this point we were about $20,000 out of pocket. 14 days in. Luckily I have the best parents who agreed to help me with the several months of healing, bed rest, feeding, medicines etc. After 6 weeks I started physical therapy to prepare for my next surgery. During this time I became pretty good at using crutches and wheeling around the house in a wheelchair and learning how to use the restroom and shower without my folks’ assistance. Making meals was almost impossible! But I tried!At this point the experience of being newly handicapped and continuing without a certain end date of recovery put me into a deep, dark depression. I called dozens of therapists, psychiatrists, etc and no one could see me for 6-8 weeks, if at all. Life started to look really bleak. I wasn’t able to walk, make myself food, bring myself water, take a shower, etc. The panic attacks were becoming stronger and more frequent. The depression was really taking a toll on me and my family. We became desperate and confused and scared. Uninformed that this was a normal reaction to an ambulatory arrest, I assumed my depression was me being bratty and selfish or that my past experiences were taking over, or that I was ungrateful not thankful enough that someday I would be able to walk and this wasn’t a permanent condition. I was living in a constant state of confusion, desperation and fear. It was all becoming more than we could handle. My roommate in New York left me high and dry owing me loads of money and stopped communication. I was struggling with insurance and arguing with what they didn’t want to pay for. Drowning in piles of paperwork and bills. I was was in a panic about not being able to work because of the pain and mobility issues. I was thinking about my future and if I will be able to continue my career as a stylist, a career I had been building for almost 15 years. How would I be able to pay my hospital bills and recover financially from all of this? Not to mention having to rely on someone emptying my commode because I can’t make it to the bathroom, or simple things like carrying a cup and walking at the same time, or carrying my towel to the bathroom to bathe, OR being able to actually take a shower!!! My mind raced on and on. I was hospitalized for depression for a few days. It was there I finally got a psychologist, a psychiatrist and the support I was needing and so greatly searching for. Saying that I was hospitalized for depression is and will maybe always be hard to say out loud. But it has saved me. This experience has really shaken me to my foundations.My second surgery came 3 months after the first. I was told the first surgery didn’t take. All that time, pain, frustration for nothing. So the new surgeons made a rough plan. The part I haven’t mentioned yet is that this injury is extremely rare. Finding a surgeon that would take on a multi ligament surgery was difficult. So many factors come into play, they need to have access to allografts, be attached to a hospital, have experience with reconstructing multiples at one time. So the plan was always an outline, once they were in they would adapt to what they saw. They harvested a piece of my hamstring to recreate my ACL, but remember my hamstring was already damaged and trying to heal, they used cadaver tissue to reconstruct my LCL, they then worked on the MCL & PCL, trimmed and stitched my meniscus. Holes drilled into my bones and hardware to attach it all. Five and a half hours later I was out of surgery. Back in that familiar pain. I was part hopeful, part defeated, and very tired.3 days after this surgery my union 829 Local, dropped me from my insurance because I didn’t make my quota last quarter. How could I? I had informed them of my injury first thing back from Israel. They said they couldn’t help with disability care for their members but I could apply for a disability $4500 grant. My insurance through COBRA is now $823/month. Also, they denied me the grant without reason, and didn’t respond to my calls and emails. Defeat. I had to add this to all my other bills, adding insult to injury.I continue to long for the days I had taken for granted my entire life, when I could walk again. Live pain free. Sleep through a night. Simple things that I’ll never take for granted again. I have learned about my most patient and enduring friendships; the ones that have sent me love through, flowers, gifts, phone calls, meals, cleaning, hand holding and tears. I have grown a whole new reverence for my parents. Without them, I really have no idea where I would be living, or how I would be fed, bathed, or who would have stayed up all night with me, crying with me, for months now. It’s taken a toll on all of us. Moving to the positives; to things I can do now-, I move and feel my right foot COMPLETELY!!! Which means my nerve has healed (miraculously) I can bend my knee 119°! I can shift weight from side to side assisted! I can walk with help of a machine up to 75% of my body weight! As of November 21st (5 months later) I am using only one crutch! Which means I can carry one thing and walk at the same time!! These achievements give me hope. However small they seem they are monumental to me. I am not dwelling on the 6 months I couldn’t walk. Or the year still ahead of me for recovery, therapy, braces and hopefully no more surgery. I’m looking to the future, scared and excited. There’s nothing ahead but opportunity. I got through the last several months, and i know I can get through the rest.This experience has left me with over $200,000 in medical bills. I do have insurance but unfortunately our system isn’t set up to cover all costs. Everything from the hospital and ambulance and flight from Israel, to the hotel and flights home in NY. The MRI’s, ultrasounds, hospital stays, medicines, co-pays, physical therapy, mental therapy, food,life bills, MY RENT IN NY , it’s all added up so far to be well over $50,000. Well over. And my future with work is uncertain although I am hopeful.I’m embarrassed to ask for help, but I’m drowning. Any little bit could help me pay my hospital bills. I know this isn’t your problem, but I would humbly and greatly appreciate any help you can give. No matter how much.Thank you for listening to my story. I hope we can make a change where one day this country can be one where an accident doesn’t bankrupt your life and change your trajectory forever.
Organizer
Amy Stearley
Organizer
Brooklyn, NY