Help Gianni Heal: Removing Battle Scars

Hello! My name is Gianni and I have suffered from mental illness for as long as I can remember. It is difficult for me to describe myself to you for this reason; my identity is malformed. There are things I know about myself, though, like that I never litter, and I find beauty in garbage, and I take pride in everything I do. I went to college for about a year and a half before I had to put it on hold due to my mental illness. I majored in art history and minored in chemistry-- I want to restore art some day. I play the saxophone, I love coffee, I darn my socks. I have an insane orange cat named Scottie. I am human.

I started self-harming at around age 12 and stopped very recently at 20. It was a coping skill, then a habit, and at some points an addiction. I self harmed because the physical pain distracted from my emotional pain, and because I felt I deserved it. My mental scars metamorphosed into physical, tangible scars all over my body. There was a time that I held onto them as proof that my suffering was real, and I felt lost as they started to fade. Now, they serve as harsh reminders of how far I've come. As I find spirituality, I look to turn the page of my life and let go.

As much as I'd love for these things to only affect myself, I know they don't. I am not ashamed of my scars but I am hesitant to wear them on my sleeve because of how others perceive them. I worry that they will be triggered to self harm themselves, or that I am setting a bad example. My little cousin asked what they were from, and I made up a lie, and he said, "it looks like you cut lines into your arm with a knife." Kids aren't stupid. People aren't stupid. They know more than you could ever guess. I worry, selfishly, that my scars make me less hirable, less desirable, because they show how "weak" or "attention-seeking" I was in the past. Stigma around mental health is ever-present, and I often find myself having it towards myself; these scars feel like failure when they are actually signs of survival. It is for these reasons that I tend to hide my scars at job interviews or in front of children. I would like to not have to do that anymore.

I understand that some of you will have no sympathy for me-- I put these things on my body, and I should have to live with them. Though there are physical symptoms, such as my scars itching or hurting, I am aware that this is a cosmetic procedure. Insurance does not cover it for that reason. I implore you to recognize the importance of cosmetics in our daily lives, the difficulty of keeping the scars covered at all times, and the possible ramifications of someone seeing the scars.

The procedures that will be done are V beam (for redness) and Cool Beam (for texture), and they will be done on three visits. I have been told I might need microneedling after these as well. The two procedures, plus the aftercare product, come out to $6,766.93. Factoring in the gofundme tax, I would need to raise at least $6,963.18 (not counting the 30 cent tax per donation). All funds that do not go to the bills will be donated. I don't expect a miracle. I am toying with the idea of covering the scars with tattoos, but I haven't yet found a tattoo I would want forever. Yes, I should have thought about permanence when I made the scars, but in my defense I wasn't planning on living with them this long.

Thank you so much for reading this bio, sharing this gofundme, and thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who have donated. This is life changing, and I owe it all to you.