As a full-time creative, it’s amazing how little time I have to record and produce my own songs. To *really* do it.

Sure, I’m dripping with songs every time I turn around — and have a hard drive full of them — but when do I give myself the time and space to curate them, create nice arrangements, make chord charts, bring in collaborators, and work overtime to make an amazing mix — when there are so many other things to do?

After another year of successfully supporting others' creativity — Music Directing a show at the Edinburgh Fringe, producing & mixing a full length album for Orbiter, hosting retreats, cherished time with private students, co-hosting & producing community events such as the SongBuilder Soirees, weekly improv comedy coaching and performances -- I’m giving myself the gift of several consecutive days of working on recording songs. Happy Birthday to Me!

There are plenty of un-sexy reasons why I don’t focus on making my songs: it’s not (yet) profitable, it’s scary, vulnerable, volatile; it takes a lot of time, care, and deliberate action. It surfaces everything I’ve tried to run from. I’ve made more efforts to bring in support, and this is a phase change, of opening up my process to the world, owning who I am, and calling in the support needed to fully become myself.

Further, my songs most often arrive when I’m on the verge of falling apart. They are the light that comes in through the cracks. They often foreground what I’m avoiding: grief, loss, and existential dilemma. I write them in private, for myself, not trying to "put on a show” or even "trying to write good songs.” Full of emotions, delusions, poetic intoxication, desperation, insight, and acceptance, I follow the aching and contour of my longing.

Throughout my life, including undergrad and grad school in music, I’ve had about a dozen incredible mentors in improvisation, jazz, classical piano, chamber music, composition… but never songwriting. I’ve been writing songs since I was 12 and it’s often been a lonesome and solitary journey.

As such, it has been a tough nut to crack — the source of them is wild, and unkempt. And therein lies the potential: the songs are really my own, after years and years of writing and devoting myself to this often fruitless path. While the path is its own reward, I’d love to have more to show for it.

I am continuing to build support around me, find people who I can trust to be in the creative process with. For my birthday week, I’ll have a “potluck-style” recording week, inviting people to come play and track — then culminating in a birthday party with people singing backing vocals!

Just so you know you’re not throwing money at a talentless chump: here’s an EP I recorded for my birthday in 2023. Recorded all live, with a rag tag group of friends in a 48 hour time span. I mixed it myself and an anonymous donor gave me the money to master it.

I’m so looking forward to what comes out of this process. I am grateful to be in the place to be working on my art and asking for support to do it! Your kindness and care mean a lot to me, and to my listeners.

It’s another go-round on this spiral path of healing. I feel like I’ve opened up before… but it’s time to open up again. Get real about the fact that time is ticking and I’m finding more reasons to "not do the thing." It’s time for even more of my songs to be heard, and it requires your support. Some things just can’t wait.

Your funds will cover mastering for a 5+ song EP, repairs to some of my instruments. If we get high enough, I’ll also get some voice lessons, hire a lovely producer (Ben Levin!).

I promise to keep you all updated, to be very humble and vulnerable with how hard it is to focus on making art.

List of purchases:

— mastering, $595 // $85 per song — likely 5-7 songs

If we go further...

— instrument repairs: $700 // $175 piano tuning, $75 set up for 3 guitars; repairing a vintage casio & yamaha keyboard

— voice lessons with Aaron — $400 for 4 hour-long sessions

— production help from Ben Levin — $1000

If you want to stay abreast of developments, I’ll update here — as well as my monthly mailing list on substack, and my instagram account.

Thank you so much. Your support means a lot to me.