In April, two weeks after my 51st birthday, I was sent to the ER for intense abdominal pain. I had endured the pain for several months (thinking I had kidney stones from celery juice), but a five inch fall from kitchen counter suddenly felt like a broken back. And it was...

At the ER, I was informed that I had Multiple Myeloma - blood cancer - and I had fractures to the spine (x2), hip and rib. In fact, my spine generally looked (looks) like Swiss cheese. It was the worst day of my life, and it is still so intense to review the moments my life forever changed - in just minutes everything seemed to fall apart.

I was referred to the Bellingham Cancer Center where I began immediate treatment for the cancer with daily radiation and weekly chemotherapy. We discovered I had stage 3 Myeloma, which is a blood cancer, and it has been "festering" (oncologist's words) in my spine for a long, long time. Long enough to cause significant damage.

I will recover from the cancer. In fact, my body is otherwise pretty healthy, the cancer has not spread to my organs, and my bloodwork looks solid if you ignore the cancer markers like Kappa and Lambda Light Chains, etc.

There is quite a lot I can tell you, but I know the things I would be most interested in learning, and those are things like survivability (I will survive), treatment (I am getting excellent treatment, but need a stem cell transplant soon), remission (unlikely with this type of cancer, I will always have cancer), and hair loss (unavoidable with a stem cell transplant).

Treatment has been painful and intense. I am always in pain. I am always tired. I am always at the doctor. I have bruises all over. I am nauseous. My vocal cords won’t close so I’m always coughing. I worry all the time. But I take the steps I need to take to heal. One foot in front of the other…

I have completed radiation (see the proud photo of Holden and I in front of the massive radiation machine) and I will continue chemo until my "numbers go down." That will likely be sometime late Fall. To improve my chances of surviving, I will need a stem cell transplant at Fred Hutch Cancer Center in Seattle. This is an intensive effort where I may be hospitalized for up to a month and outpatient for a month more. It is expensive.

Unfortunately, I did not have insurance when all this happened and I will not have insurance until next year. While the Cancer Center in Bellingham has been incredibly generous with financial aid, I can not even get an introductory appointment at Fred Hutch without insurance or more money to pay out of pocket. And I need to begin preparations for my stem cell transplant immediately as it can take a while to find a donor.

So, I am reaching out to friends and family for help to raise money to pay for my Fred Hutch expenses until insurance kicks in February 1st. Your money will go a long way not only to support my stem cell transplant, but also to help put groceries on the table, and to pay bills from private companies that don't accept Peace Health financial aid. Like lab work. Each Wednesday I need a $500 blood draw to ensure it is safe for me to proceed with chemo Friday. And this adds up. Also, in general, the expensive scans aren't covered. So I have a lot of bills and I have chemo and I raise a 14yo by myself. It's a lot, and I need support.

The lack of money is an incredible stressor (and so is the cancer, ha ha), but I am otherwise in good spirits and I am healing. I will survive. Four months ago I was hiking four miles every day and I intend to return to that level of activity in a year.

My spine doesn't look so good. The radiation killed most of the cancer in my spine, but left dramatic holes (where the cancer lived, and no longer lives). Those holes are collapsing. This week I learned my spine is also collapsing. That was/is really hard to accept. There's not an easy treatment for this, it's called Kyphosis and it be another intense expense.

So, it's a long road, but my spirits are high and my body is responding beautifully to treatment. The cancer seems to be less aggressive than we thought as time goes by and there are miracles at work. We are still in the thick of things and in the beginning, so I don't have lots of answers, but I do have faith.

And that is one thing I haven't mentioned yet - the extreme and profound faith I have - especially in my body to heal itself. I keep my spirits high, I love my child, I love my friends and my family, and I believe I’m prepared to master this journey called cancer.

Now I realize that day when I received my diagnosis, and I felt like everything was falling apart, that it was - but in a beautiful way - so that my life could come back together in a spirited newness. And life has vivid color and intense meaning when we are reminded of its fragility. Why are the fragile things so precious?

Please help me in my journey to heal and donate what you can. Thank you. I love you, too.