Help fund Jae's summer sabbatical

Jae Bates, a bad-ass Christian Public Leader, is facing burnout and trauma after years of overwork and a recent abusive living situation involving his mother-in-law. We are seeking financial support in order for him to take a much-needed sabbatical. Following a layoff and medical advice to leave a second job, he now urgently needs time and resources to heal, pursue therapy, and prepare for a PhD program starting in the fall. Donations will help cover therapy, health costs, couples counseling, and essential living expenses during this recovery period.

You can read more about his story below:

I’ll be real — I’m having a Book of Job season and I’m in crisis.

It’s time for me to finally do what God and many of my loved ones have been telling me to for a while — take a real break and take care of myself which I’ve been resisting and refusing to do out of hubris and my own desire to prove that I could handle anything.

I’ve been working in full time ministry for nearly 8 years and it’s time I slowed down and took a sabbatical. Sabbaticals are a normal & recommended part of the vocational cycle of ministers to prevent burn out & keep us grounded in a healthy and thriving personal faith.

For the last 3 years, I’ve been working 1.5 jobs to save for my financial goals and work hard so I could “scale back eventually” and focus on being a dad once I could afford to adopt. But now I’m facing what many folks are facing in this country — a layoff due to a workplace financial crisis. The issue is that I also was advised to leave my .5 job by my therapist, psychologist, and primary care physician for my wellness so that I could focus on healing from my recent home-trauma.

For those of you who I haven’t opened up to about this or who don’t even know me — Isaiah (my husband) and I were emotionally and financially abused by his mother over the course of 6 months. We have discussed our experience with several mental healthcare and medical professionals (formally & informally) and the consensus is:

1.) She displayed clear and obvious symptoms of textbook DSM-5 narcissistic personality disorder though none could diagnose her due to the fact most who suffer from NPD will never voluntarily seek diagnosis AND likely suffers from a problem gambling disorder (aka gambling addiction).

2.) We have indeed been experiencing abuse. We are not being dramatic. We are not overstating the harm done. We both are showing signs of trauma-response/post traumatic anxiety, increased fight/flight activation (aka being “triggered”)

3.) Both of us need trauma and abuse counseling and trauma-specific therapeutic support (EMDR or other interventions)

4.) Our marriage could greatly benefit from couples counseling due to the ways in which the gas lighting and abuse we were experiencing was often specifically used to turn us against one another & take the attention off of MIL’s behavior.

I have been silently drowning and downplaying the harm I have been experiencing at home because of the shame I held about

1.) having asked for financial support for Isaiah’s mom

2.) not being able to handle the relational stress at home as someone who is professionally trained in relational work

3.) genuinely hating my husband’s mother

This layoff is potentially a blessing in disguise as I have truly become a shell of my former confident, driven, and highly capable self and need time to focus solely on healing, reconnecting with people I was isolated from, and literally & figuratively rebuilding my home.

If you know anything about me — it’s that I love to labor. Seriously. Ever since I was a kid, I would just make up work to do. Research papers in my room for fun, pretending to be a farmer, trying the lemonade stand grift, or working at the MN Zoo for that sweet free admission in the summers. All of my hobbies sound suspiciously like jobs or school — volunteering to teach Korean to adoptees, producing lofi music, playing worship music in my living room, organizing community gatherings, or writing Bible commentary in my notebook (not to publish, just for fun, I swear it’s fun). My favorite video games are mostly ones where you simulate running your own business. I can’t sit still, I can’t do nothing, and on my days off I often make projects up for myself to do.

I don’t need financial support because I just “don’t want to work this summer.” I need this support because despite REALLY wanting to work — I both can’t and shouldn’t keep working where I’m working and it’s unlikely I’ll find and start a new job by the end of the summer. I’m beginning my PhD at Luther Seminary in the fall and I need to heal and have time to get my shit together before then.

However, I still got them bills to pay and specifically, the therapy required to dive deep into repair is going to be expensive.

Here’s what your gifts will go toward:

- Urgent therapy costs that I’ll accrue prior to receiving any medical assistance (the state is very backed up & slow rn)

- Emergency fund for any health, car, or home emergencies

- Couples counseling expenses that aren’t covered by my husband’s insurance (and he’s got a terrible work provided plan so…probably a fair amount)

- Health expenses like: medication copays, medication out-of-pocket in the event I have an insurance gap, or any OTC care items needed as these add up quickly and we do not have any HSA

- One-night individual spiritual healing retreat for me (you might not understand why this is necessary and that’s okay, but this is a sabbatical fund for a pastor)

- Anything else needed for my ability to heal, repair my home from the damage she literally caused to my house, repair my marriage, or stay out of any additional personal debt // prevent damage to my credit

Whatever you can give is truly a gift; from $1 to $100, I will be forever grateful.