As many of you know, I spent the last 6 months working as a hospice nurse in Tucson. During this time I was assigned an elderly deaf patient with severe COPD. He lived alone in squalor, using a couch as a bed, and didn't have enough food to eat. He was completely alone with no family or friends. Thank goodness for hospice nursing and social work staff. We were able to step in and after several weeks moved him to small group home in Tucson where he was able to get 24/7 care. I got to know Michael pretty well over the next 5 months. He had crazy stories to tell and I never knew what was real and what was made up. I do know he lost his wife after 30 years of marriage and lost his only daughter a year after in a car accident. He spent many years homeless and addicted to substances. He eventually escaped addiction but not poverty. His assigned nurse (me) and social worker became his family his last few months of life. His 2 fixations during his final months were: 1) make sure his dog was taken care of, and 2) take his ashes to somewhere beautiful to be spread. I showed him a picture of my home town and he became fixated with the sea mounts near Pistol River, Oregon. He called them "my big black rocks" and together we agreed I would take his ashes there after his death and spread them in the Pacific next to those rocks.
After I left hospice work and returned to the hospital, Michael named me his MPOA so that I could carry out his final wishes. With no family or friends to pay for his cremation or ashes, Michael was to become a ward of the states for an indigent burial. He would be cremated and his ashes laid to rest in an unknown common plot somewhere in Pima County. Both Kyle and I agreed to honor Michael's last wishes and take his ashes to the Oregon Coast. The cost of cremation and the return of ashes in Pima County is roughly $1,000. It may be a bit less, in which case I will donate any remaining amount to a local hospice organization in Michael's honor.
Michael died suddenly on Monday. It surprised and shocked all of us. His first wish is fulfilled. His dog is in good hands (we are fostering him until his wound care nurse will adopt him next week). His second wish is in process. I meet with the funeral home today to discuss cremation and return of ashes.
Michael was one of those people who lived a hard life. He lost his hearing at a young age, endured terrible abuse as a child, and struggled throughout his entire life with addiction. He was both tough and easy to love. But he really did become family for those of us that worked with him and we will miss his text messages and requests for strawberry malts and hamburgers (no lettuce!). Both his mom and sister visited him in spirit the last several weeks before his death and I pray he is now enjoying time with both his wife and daughter. I like to imagine him hearing again - carrying out a back and forth conversation with ease (we had to write/text to communicate). As often is the case in life, in giving to Michael, he gave much more back. I will always remember him for the imperfect, wonderful human that he was and I look forward to spreading his ashes in the cold waters of the Pacific next to his "big, black rocks."