Hi, may name is Vivitulip, and I'll be 19 in March. I am a music producer, visual artist, and lover of cats. I was diagnosed with vestibuldynia (which is more commonly known as vulvodynia) when I was 14 years old. Ever since then I have experienced serve chronic pain.

One of the main symptoms of vulvodynia is extreme pain during intercourse. 

To give you an idea of just how painful it is: it feels like I am being set on fire and having bleach poured over me, if I attempt to have penetration of any kind. It also hurts to urinate a lot, like having a permanent uti.

Essentially, my vagina's broken.

The nerves in my vulva are hypersensitive, due to my pelvic floor being overactive and super tight. How my pelvic floor got that way? I have no idea, my best bet is that bad period cramps caused it. My cramps are so intense I have been hospitalised... twice. (I'm fairly sure I have endometriosis as well). I have lived the last 5 years in agony, experiencing pain when I pee, when I try to have sex and just in general- my vulva will start burning during my day-to-day life and nothing can make the pain go away. 

Because of vulvodynia I have suffered from depression and anxiety and I have been suicidal for a very long time. 

But there is hope, and this is where I need your help.

Whilst vulvodynia is not curable, it is treatable. In the past few months I have found myself getting a little better, with the assistance of nerve medications such as Lyrica... But it is not enough. I have been told by my physiotherapist and gynaecologist that the best course of action is to undergo botox injections into my pelvic floor, to relax my muscles and start physiotherapy. At the moment my muscles are too tight and sore, so doing physio and internal work is impossible. The botox injections would relieve my muscles and put less stress on my nerves enough to start working with a physio. 

I have been in pain for so long, but it's not just pain— This condition has taken my sexuality too. I can't even begin to describe what that feels like. Sex is something that should feel good and beautiful, but to me, it feels indescribably horrific. 

I just want to live a pain free life, where I can express my sexuality, and go on adventures, and make music, and work, and perform my songs, without having to worry if my vagina is going to start burning. 

A majority of the money donated is going towards the botox injects and what is left will go towards the physiotherapy I’ll need afterwards. I need to get the money within 3-6 weeks otherwise I will be put on a waiting list again. This treatment could truely change my life. Thank you.