Stephanie Deakin Ricketts and Alan Ampersand (formerly Tatro) are on a journey no one would choose. What started as a persistent pain in Alan’s thigh has turned into a journey of fragile hopes, pain, and the end of many dreams. A journey no one saw coming and one no mother wants to take with her child.

The Diagnosis

A year ago Alan went to the doctor with pain in his thigh. As an otherwise healthy man of 38 years, it took months of pain before it was realized that Alan had a very rare form of cancer – undifferentiated pleomorphic sarcoma. (The rate of this is less than 0.67 persons in 100,000 – less than the chance of someone somewhere getting hit by space debris.) The tumour was removed in the spring. It was about 18 inches long and wound through the muscles - a difficult surgery that included the loss of 1/3 of Alan’s thigh muscle.

The Recovery

Since the surgery it’s been up and down with the recovery. The surgical wound did not heal well, and Alan experienced other complications (collapsed lungs and a broken femur). The medical staff at Portland’s Oregon Health and Sciences University Hospital (OHSU) have been really great, doing all they can to help.

The Bad News

The news anyone with cancer dreads: it has metastasized. Earlier this month, Alan was back in hospital because he was having a lot of pain and other difficult symptoms. They realized through more testing that the cancer has spread throughout his body. Alan is receiving chemotherapy to help with the pain and to perhaps give him a little longer.

There for Alan

During these months, Stephanie has travelled often from her home on Vancouver Island to be with Alan. She is now living at Alan’s house and is at the hospital all day every day and evening. She herself has persistent pain in her back and recently needed treatment for it while there in Portland, because being with Alan was more important than the cost of the treatment.

Small Joys

So now it is a matter of finding small joys for Alan in whatever weeks or months he has left. Massage and acupressure treatments help relieve the pain so Alan can sleep. Or possibly feel up to a wheelchair trip to the hospital terrace for some fresh air and to see something other than the 4 walls of his hospital room. Favourite food ordered in to tempt him for at least a few crucial bites of food. Geek jokes. PJs with cooling fabric to help lower the intense pain of his skin.

Help ease the pain

We can help ease the pain for both Alan and Stephanie by providing some of the things that money can buy. Alan’s hospital bills are thankfully covered by insurance, but we know that insurance never covers enough for needed treatments like massage or acupressure – extra sessions cost $100US. Each time Stephanie has travelled to be with Alan over the past year, ferry and gas costs add up to $300 per trip. Stephanie has been unable to work, and tasks have been left undone at home – tasks that someone could be paid to do.

But most of all, please send your prayers and love to them. Or as we Quakers say “hold them in the Light”.

A Friend

I met Stephanie when Alan was about 5 years old, as we are both Quakers. Stephanie is a valued, lovingly-irreverent, member of the Quaker community. She has travelled in the Ministry for Friends General Conference. Another claim to fame is Steph’s brilliant work as a professional organizer and leader in the Professional Organizers in Canada association.

Alan grew up in the Quaker community on Vancouver Island, attended Western Half Yearly Meeting, Canadian Yearly Meeting, and Friends General Conference Gathering where he participated in Young Friend and Young Adult Friend programs. His warmth, humour, cleverness, caring and compassionate nature, charm, and joie de vivre are hallmarks of Alan.

Celia Polster Cheatley