Help Cure Lynn's Depression

My name is Lynn Schneider, and for the last five years, my life has been on pause. 


When I was in the seventh grade, my world changed forever. I had always been a sensitive child, emotional, but when I was 12, my emotions took on a life of their own. They were intense, all consuming, and they no longer responded to outside stimuli. They took over me, like possessing spirits. Every day felt like an exorcism. Eventually, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I went into treatment. 


It's been twenty years. I have attempted suicide; I have self-injured; I have spent time in inpatient psychiatric hospitals. I have taken every drug on the market, in dozens of combinations. I avoid triggers and I go to therapy. I take my meds and I do the work. After my last suicide attempt in 2012, and the resulting hospitalization, I had a period of stability, one of the best times in my life. I graduated with my MFA, and I got a job writing, which is my passion and my greatest love. I loved my job; I loved my city; I loved my friends. I was healthy and happy for three years. 


And then the bottom dropped out. 


All of a sudden, I realized that things were very wrong. It was like the depression had punched a hole through the brick wall of meds and therapy I had built to contain it. I would get up in the morning and go to work, and then I would get home and go directly to bed. I wasn't able to do anything else. I had no energy. I wasn't eating. I couldn't think; I was making decisions that made no sense. I was out of my mind. I talked to my psychiatrist, and he strongly encouraged me to take some time off work until I could get things under control. 


That was five years ago. Things are still not under control. I'll start a new treatment and do better for a while, and then the depression punches another hole through my defenses, and I'm possessed by it again. It affects every aspect of my life. It's a black hole at my center, sucking up every drop of joy and energy from my life. It's a desperate, unending psychic pain. It feels like an injury. It's painful and it's slowly killing me. 


It's been twenty years. There aren't many treatments I haven't tried. My doctor started talking about ECT, one of the only things we've never tried. Electroconvulsive therapy, modern day electroshock. It can shock you out of a depression, but it isn't perfect. The main side effect is memory loss, and there's no telling how much of your memory it will take until after it's gone. I need my memory to write. If I can't write, I don't want to be here. Add into that the fact that ECT is usually only useful for acute bouts of deep depression, not long-term, treatment resistant depression, which is what I have, and I'm gambling everything on a small chance of improvement. I was terrified, but I was desperate. I was beginning to consider making that gamble. 


Then last year, I learned about Spravato . Spravato is controlled micro-dosing of the drug ketamine. It's new to regular consumers, and the numbers coming from Spravato trials are very encouraging. It is specifically for treatment resistant depression. It could change my life. It could give me my life back, a life worth living. My doctor has prescribed this therapy for me, and has convinced my insurance to cover it. Unfortunately, I still have to pay co-pays for office visits and 20% of the cost of the medication, which amounts to around $4000. I have credit cards. I could put $1000 on my credit cards and pay them off over the next few years. I have tried and tried to make the math work, but there is no way I can ever afford the full cost of this treatment. My family can't help. I've been told about a medicine that could save my life, but it's being held just out of reach. If you're able, please donate to help me make this dream a reality. If you're not, please consider sharing this fundraiser on social media, so it might reach people who can help. Thank you.