Help Christine Get Un-Sad Fund

$2,457 of $3,000 goal

Raised by 26 people in 24 months
Hello Friends  and Helpers,

I want to share you with a bit of my recent journey with mental illness and the impact it has had on me and my family as I take the time to heal. 

On Wednesday July 12th, I made a mistake.

It was an inconvenient mistake. A stupid mistake that could have been avoided, but a mistake nonetheless. It was also easily fixed. However, for me, it was The End. Sobbing and hyperventilating all I could think about was how bad I was, how stupid, how worthless, and how much my partner hates me.

I had a panic attack.

I would go on to have 2 more throughout the day. A major one at work that left me sobbing in a closet. Another was in front of a Services Ontario worker when she informed me I had the wrong information to renew my health card.

I am sick. I've been sick for awhile now. 

A friend, much stronger than I'll ever be, took me to the ER that night. We sat together in the waiting room for 4 hours talking while my eyes drooped with exhaustion and my muscles remained tense, on alert.

It was strangely refreshing to see my distress described as distress from someone else. Even as the tears run and my jaw clenches and body convulses with sobs while I hold my breath as I wait to wake up or stop existing,
all I can think about is how much I'm overreacting. I'm making it up. I'm too sensitive. I'm a drama queen. I'm an attention seeker. I'm worthless and no one should believe me. No one WILL believe me.

As an abuse survivor, this is just a taste of the ongoing shame and belittlement that follows me. I find it hard to believe myself, so I assume others will not believe me. 

But my friend believes me. My partner believes me. My doctor believes me. And I was sitting in a hospital room at 1:30am when I became so overwhelmed by people believing me and stepping in to take care of me that I cried again.

I am now on a 10 weeks medical leave from work. This leave first started as one week, then 4 more weeks, and now another 5 weeks with re-evaluation throughout.

I was prescribed Ativan for future panic attacks. I have an appointment on August 24th at the Urgent Care Psychiatric Clinic in Ottawa for assessment. I continue to take my antidepressants daily and attend weekly therapy sessions as I have for the last 2 years, as well as bi-weekly appointments with my Nurse Practitioner.

I am also working on new, positive habits like eating regularly,  exercising daily, and incorporating meditation and yoga practices to help with mindfulness and connecting mind with body. 

I have now been on medical leave from work for just over a month now and am preparing for the next month off with potential for another extension into October. I have applied for Employment Insurance (EI) and gained what financial help I could from my family, and my partner has applied for a bursary through his work.

However, losing income so abruptly and waiting for EI which will cut my income in half has left my partner and me in a very tight financial situation.

Funds from this campaign will help pay our bills, feed us and our cat, and keep a roof over our head while we adjust to a new budget to meet our needs. 

This will ease our financial anxieties due to unpaid bills, the cost of therapy sessions, medications, and transportation to appointments so that I can focus on getting well instead of feeling pressure to work when I am not mentally equipt to do so. 

Finally, for those who follow my social media accounts, you know that I paint and that this has been a huge help to me. I aim to continue creating with the goal of getting a shop up to sell my work as I seek financial independence. Your contribution to this fund will assist with my continued creative work. 

I have to acknowledge that I am sick and that I have been sick for a long while but tried to power through and ignore it. As many of you know, ignoring a problem always makes mental illness worse.

Admittedly, I am scared about what things will have to change. But I'm more scared about what will happen to me and my family if they don't change.

So, friends, know that I am safe. Know that every day I am trying. Know that any contribution to this fund will help me on my road to recovery. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and contribute if you can. If you can't contribute financially, please feel free to widely share the link to this fund.
+ Read More
Losing our internet connection on Friday was another blow in a months long struggle to keep above water financially as well as psychologically. I felt the despair hit again as I felt like I’m being isolated further from the world.

However, I will say that I think my residency is slowly building back up again, because this hasn’t knocked me out like blows that happened even a month ago. This weekend has actually been full of a lot of laughter as me and Don watch through Kevin Smith films and reminisce about what we were doing when each film came out and what they have meant to each of us.

We are entertained by our cat Mikey, who can tell there is something different going on at home so is a little more alert but happy for extra attention.

We still have food to eat everyday and a warm place to live.

Today, I bought a newspaper that we took turns reading and discussing sections for over 2 hours together.

There is love and kindness and safety in our home. I am grateful for these things. I am hopeful for our financially security to return, if not frustrated with how long the process is to get there.

Thank you for the donations, shares, and kind words this weekend. They are so encouraging when I pop across the street to check WiFi
+ Read More
Current ways to survive being poor:

1. Make casseroles that you will eat every day for the next 5-7 Days. Make sure you stock up on ketchup, you’ll want to drown that food by day 3.

2. Wash as many clothes as you can in the sink or bathtub to save on laundry costs. Be amused by the cat being dripped on when walking under the clothes drying wrack.

3. Turn toast into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even dessert. Add toppings like peanut butter (only when on sale), cheese (sale), or cinnamon and sugar on margarine. This saves on surgery snacks and helps with a sweet tooth. Seriously.

4. Change, stop using or split meds in half to extend coverage and save on money. You’ll love the instability of having a 14 day period from switching HBC or the 3am crazies from not sleeping.

5. Learn how to hop on buses without fare so that you can get around the city to appointment or just to feel like you aren’t trapped in your home.

6. Nurture your agoraphobic tendencies to avoid having to go outside at all. That will really save on bus fare.

7. Download as much tv or movies as you can on public WiFi because you don’t have home internet and now you realize just how much of your life is connected to WiFi.

8. Make sure job prospects know to email you and never call since you no longer have a connected phone. Try to play this off as though you’re just so tech savvy and busy that being contacted through email is the best way to get a hold of you - not because you’re poor as shit.

9. Try collecting things around your home that could be sold online secondhand. Realize that you already did that last time you moved and therefore have few things valuable enough to sell without completely clearing out your living space.

10. Take it a day at a time.

I know I have asked so many times over the last few months. I feel terrible to still be asking. But I continue to struggle. If you are able to help with a donation or a share, I very much appreciate it. If anyone knows of work, even odd jobs in Ottawa, please send info my way. If I can make art for you, I’d love to do that too!

Thank you for your support through all this
Job hunting!
At Happy Goat Coffee!
+ Read More
We have made it to the end of the year!

This last week has been generally calm and relaxing for me and Don. With the way the holidays fall, he has several long weekends, which help us relax and recharge together. We keep things pretty low key for the holidays, especially with everything going on with my mental health and financially having a hard time.

I am still looking for work and have applied to a number of jobs that seem interesting and that aren't too stressful overall. I am still having tough days based on lack of medication or other stressors, but I am leaning into my supports more to help regulate those days better for myself. After a 3 week break, I'm back to therapy on Thursday.

Thanks to the generous donations of folks in the last couple of weeks, we were able to pay for some medications, keep some services on, and get some groceries that included holiday feasting for two and a cat. We also received a few gift cards that provided us with holiday cheer (boozy goodness) and movie tickets to see Star Wars the Last Jedi (which we love!)

Unfortunately, since we are at the end of the month and rent is due, we are in the same situation as last month - rent will be taken care of, but we are now down to $17 for the coming week. If you can, please help us out this coming week so we can grab a few more groceries, meds, and have a little buffer between paycheques as I ramp up my job search in January. Any amount helps.

Thank you again to those who have supported me and Don in so many ways during this time. Happy New Year!
Just keeping warm, mum
Some Holiday Spirits
We like to snuggle in the cold
+ Read More
Don was paid today so I took that paycheque and basically just handed it over to our building to pay rent 8 Days late. We will have to pay January late as well because the next pay this month is restock food, pay for monthly meds, bus pass so don can get to work, and anything we can throw at bills to keep our services on.

This is the reality of being told you have “enough” to survive. Let me tell you, survival is exhausting.

On Sunday I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house and felt terrible from lack of sleep so I canceled plans with friends. Monday I had an emotional attack that left me sobbing for over an hour. Depression has increasingly taken hold as I stumble through job postings and research for freelance articles. I don’t sleep solidly. I have the deep feeling of being trapped.

I’ve hardly left the apartment in the last few weeks. I’m isolating myself because it’s too hard to be around random people in public.

Even so, today I learned a friend is also suffering. As a single mom who can’t work due to her mental illness and trauma recovery, I admire her for making it through each day. As she switches meds, she is experiencing a lot of withdrawal symptoms making it impossible to cook or even leave the house. So, with the small amount of money I have, I’m heading over to he place to grocery shop cook, clean, and support each other.

I am forever grateful for the financial support me and Don have received through this platform. Thank you for giving what you can at a time of year where money can be tight no matter what.
I’m always happy to pay it forward however I can.

As we get through the next two weeks to the next paycheque, please consider contributing to this GoFundMe if you haven’t already. Thank you so much
+ Read More
Read a Previous Update

$2,457 of $3,000 goal

Raised by 26 people in 24 months
Your share could be bringing in donations. Sign in to track your impact.
We will never post without your permission.
In the future, we'll let you know if your sharing brings in any donations.
We weren't able to connect your Facebook account. Please try again later.
17 months ago
Rosie LaBrecque
17 months ago
17 months ago
Meg Ruttan Walker
18 months ago
Jess Kiley
18 months ago
Vicky Potts
18 months ago
18 months ago
Iris N
18 months ago
Ashleigh Patterson
18 months ago
Angela Stotesbury
19 months ago
Use My Email Address
By continuing, you agree with the GoFundMe
terms and privacy policy
There's an issue with this Campaign Organizer's account. Our team has contacted them with the solution! Please ask them to sign in to GoFundMe and check their account. Return to Campaign

Are you ready for the next step?
Even a $5 donation can help!
Donate Now Not now
Connect on Facebook to keep track of how many donations your share brings.
We will never post on Facebook without your permission.