Then I began the neverending path of traditional medicine. Drug after drug after drug. "Skizophrenia." " no I think this is a special case of bipolar disorder." "Manic depression." They never really knew. How could they know? Theyre not me. They dont hear the voices I hear. They dont feel the pain in my brain, my eyes, my limbs.
And meanwhile, my friends and family were even worse. I was the "woe is me" guy-they thought I was halfway just faking it for attention.
I would give anything to work a fulltime job, have a girlfriend, just be a normal, functional person. But the voices, the cloudiness. Even this letter to you all. Its tough to express, I had to get help to write this.
I'm usually lost in my own world, where the voices keep me company. Thats what happens after almost a decade of pure isolation, heavy anti psychotic medication, and a heavy dose of shock therapy, the last session of which went wrong and took a solid year to recover from.
My parents do not have the resources to help cure me, only enough to keep me stable- to keep me alive- albeit in a world I do not enjoy very much. I'm a 28 year old burden.the kid who grew up and lost his mind. I'm so lonely and disappointed in things.
Yet I believe there is hope. There are intensive rehab centers for guys like me. I have moments of lucidity, like this one now, where I can speak my mind and heart clearly. When I do music, for instance, my mind is free. I know I can be freed. With hard work, a lot of help from people, a miracle from God...I know I can be a testimony to the world of healing.
Here is my vision, my hope. To raise funds with the help of all of you big hearted people, to start with intensive rehab. They will work with me daily to stimulate my mind, heal me physiologically and spiritually, and get me on the path to recovery. It wont happen overnight, and its expensive. Thats why I'm asking, I'm begging shamelessly, for your help. Anything helps! After rehab, I have only 8 weeks until I get my associates degree from media tech institute- in sound recording engineering. Then I can have an accomplishment to build off of. I can get a job- maybe at a church or something- I can do music on the side, I can have friends again, maybe even live on my own with a car. I have to start somewhere. Please, anything you can do is a huge help! This took a lot of courage to admit to the world. Going out on a limb here.
With tremendous love, gratitude, and just enough hope,
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