It was December 24, 2022 (Christmas Eve) and my extended family had gathered together for dinner and to exchange gifts.  My 44 year old adult son, Ben’s family arrived including his two daughters Madison 16, and Khloe 6 and their mom, Devin but Ben never showed up.  Sadly this wasn’t all that out of character as Ben has long suffered from mental illness and addiction and for some reason the holidays have always been a trigger for his relapse.  Upon his relapse he would typically disappear for days, if not weeks or months.  His illness has led him to stints of homelessness and even jail.  So again, after many years of this behavior, his not showing up wasn’t a huge surprise.  

As we spent the evening inside my warm apartment eating dinner, exchanging gifts and playing games, outside it was one of the coldest nights Charlotte, NC had ever experienced, dipping to near single digits. Unknown to us Ben, who had indeed relapsed that evening, had been driving a car that ran out of gas and decided to walk and find a gas station.  High on drugs, he was unaware of just how cold it was outside.  Somewhere along the way he walked through water and his feet and hands got wet.  Despite his impairment he realized something wasn’t right and started knocking on doors seeking help. A stranger who eventually answered one of the doors he has been knocking on, called an ambulance.  Ben’s memory is fuzzy from there but he knew things weren’t good when he found himself not in an ambulance but in a helicopter being flown to a hospital in Winston-Salem, NC. Little did he know but he had severe frostbite and Winston-Salem’s, Wake Forest Baptist Hospital had the best (and closest) burn unit in the state (frostbite is treated like a burn).  The next several days he would be fighting for his life, meanwhile the family had no idea of his whereabouts. 

When we finally got a call from the hospital we were told very little other than where he was and that he had severe frostbite AND a flesh eating bacterial infection and that his organs were shutting down.  They said they’d done all they could do and he likely wouldn’t survive the night. If we wanted to say goodbye we should get there as soon as possible.  Myself, my other sons & their families, Ben’s daughters and their mom all dropped what we were doing raced to Winston-Salem.  Ben’s dad who was in Mexico at the time, was also notified and he was on the first available flight back.  When we arrived Ben was unconscious, on breathing tubes and machines were keeping him alive.  At some point late that night, he opened his eyes and although he couldn’t talk, he acknowledged he knew we were all there.  We told him how much we loved him and essentially, one by one, told him goodbye. 

Miraculously, and to the complete surprise of his doctors and nurses, Ben pulled through that night.  And the next night.  And the next.  Once he was stable, they informed us that his frostbite and the bacterial infection were so severe that they’d have to amputate both of his legs (to the knee), he’d lose several fingers from each hand and they’d removed much of the skin on his left leg, abdomen and back.   They told us that if he survived all of the upcoming surgeries, he’d be in the care of the hospital system for a very long time (possibly up to a year) BUT, that he’d have a chance to return to a “normal” life.  We had no idea what any of that might look like but at least he was alive and for that, we were grateful. 

Fast forward nearly six months… Ben spent several months in the ICU having nearly 20 surgeries including the amputation of both legs, several fingers and lots of skin graphs and he’s pulled through each and every one.  Not only has he survived but he’s gone through all of this with a nearly unflappable positive attitude.  He has told us all, time and time again, that as awful as this has been, he believes it was a necessary event that will allow him a second chance at life.  A life of sobriety and involvement with his family. He sees opportunities to get involved with support groups where he can gain valuable self improvement skills but where he also has an ability to share his story, possibly preventing others from going through what he’s been through. 

He’s currently living in a rehabilitation center in Winston-Salem where he’s working as hard as he can every day to learn to function with missing limbs.  To sit and talk with him you’ll hear a man who’s been humbled to his core.  He’s polite and grateful for every single day.  And although he’ll talk at length about missing his kids, he still smiles and jokes and is very well liked by the staff and other residents.  He’s also determined to put in the work to get stronger every day and to do the right thing for himself and others.  As an example, someone donated an electric wheelchair to the rehab center and the staff got together and decided that of all of the residents, they wanted to offer it to Ben.  Rather than accepting this generous gift, he asked for a day or two to think about it.  After careful consideration, he decided it would be better for them to offer it to another resident who might be in more need.  

With all that Ben has been through, he has obviously incurred tons of medical expenses and still has a long way to go.  In the not too distant future he has the opportunity to be fitted for prosthetic legs.  Unfortunately the insurance plan that he’s on only covers some of that cost but he’d have to pay for the bulk of it himself.  He has applied for disability and is hopeful to receive some income from that but ultimately his goal is to get prosthetic legs and get back to a life where he can actually work and live his new normal as a functioning member of society. 

It’s very easy for one to look at his circumstances and say “You shouldn’t have used drugs. You did this to yourself.”  In fact, Ben has said this himself.  But we believe that everyone deserves a chance at redemption.  We, as a family, are doing all that we can to support his recovery.  If you’re so inclined, we would gratefully accept any donation and will see that it is used solely to the benefit of helping create a new life for Ben.  A life of sobriety, that allows him an opportunity to get back to the working world and maybe even one day… to walk his daughters down the aisle.  

Thank you!

 

 

  

 

  

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