My name is Aubrey (they/he), and I’m a 27-year-old transmasc therapist. I’m getting top surgery.

And as excited as I am, I also need help to make it happen.

•••

The relief I felt the first time I heard someone refer to me using they/them pronouns years ago is unforgettable. At the time, I didn’t have the language to describe my identity or these feelings. It wasn’t like being fully seen yet, but for the first time I felt like I wasn’t hidden beyond the veil.

When I finally let myself consider that I may be trans masculine, so much clicked into place. Memories, feelings, and experiences I was unable to explain before began to make sense. It felt like pulling the little boy in me out from the rubble and saying, “hey, I remember you—and I can finally see clearly who you and I have always been.”

Along with that clarity came immense grief. I often think about how, if I’d had the language sooner, I might have understood why things like trying on clothes felt so distressing—and found relief earlier. Having the language and knowledge that I do now, it’s become increasingly clear that top surgery is the next right step for me.

•••

When I scheduled my surgery and paid the deposit, I was under the impression I’d be able to use the advertised financing plan that felt manageable for me. While my insurance technically covers top surgery, my deductible is so high that I’m still responsible for about $10,000 out of pocket.

I later found out that specific plan isn’t available through this provider, and as a result, I’m now committed to monthly payments that are nearly double what I originally planned for. I also will be out of work with very limited paid time off and no short term medical leave. 

This leaves me with no financial cushion for emergencies and unexpected expenses.

It’s just not sustainable for me to take this on alone.

•••

Every step in my transition has felt incredibly liberating so far.

At the same time, living in my current body still presents daily challenges—binding, physical pain, discomfort in clothing, and a constant sense of disconnection.

Things like getting dressed, working out, choosing a public bathroom or locker room, and going swimming can feel overwhelming and take up so much of my energy.

That’s why to me, this isn’t about appearance—it’s about alignment. Relief. Freedom. Existing in my body without that constant weight. Coming home to myself.

If you’re able to contribute, it would mean so much to me. Every bit of support funding my surgery decreases my risk of severe financial instability.

If you’re unable to contribute, sharing this with others is also so very appreciated.

Thank you so much for taking the time to witness me in this journey. <3

warmly,

C. Aubrey Wilde

other methods of supporting my fundraising for top surgery: