tl;dr - I'm asking for assistance in order to live. a promised advance payment from Quirk Books was walked back, and I'm struggling both financially and emotionally from this. with their announcement of acquisition, I've decided it's finally time to tell my story and ask for help.

I've dreamed of being a traditionally published author for three decades--ever since elementary school, when I learned it was possible for just about anybody to write stories like the ones I regularly devoured. the second I read SIDEWAYS STORIES FROM WAYSIDE SCHOOL and basically any RL Stine, I knew someday I had to write similar stories for kids like me.

my publishing dream came true in 2021 when ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES was published. and then in 2022 with TRANSMOGRIFY!, my beloved trans magic school anthology. and again in 2023 with THE LONELY BELOW, my first novel and first middle grade. TLB gained a lot of fanfare--I was an Indies Introduce selection, indie next, several other librarian-related accolades--and that felt great! it felt like my career was about to bloom. I was so proud of myself and excited for the future, despite how miserable my personal life was going.

2024 should've been my 4th and 5th releases. my best friend/writing partner and I had a project in the works. I'd prepared a proposal for said project, my personal homage to the WAYSIDE SCHOOL series and all the weird television shows I watched growing up. this was the project of my heart. I'd been building this town in my head for literal decades. and when the proposal was put out into the world, we were lucky enough to snag a contract with Quirk Books in a two-book deal.

this was beyond my dreams. Quirk was where Grady Hendrix was published! one of my favorite authors would now be a publisher-mate! it felt too perfect for this to happen with my dream project. so, of course that's exactly what it was.

unfortunately, said best friend was nearly killed in a car wreck the day before TRANSMOGRIFY! released. at the time, we were working on this project, which I'd dubbed THE CROWS HAVE TAKEN THE CHURCH. everything got put on hold. I didn't even get to promote TRANSMOGRIFY! because it seemed extremely unimportant in the scheme of things. it took Adrianne a very long time to be able to do much of anything, let alone write, and so we had to push our deadlines for CROWS several times. our editor was extremely understanding of this. we were grateful.

and then, our editor was fired just as she began her maternity leave. Quirk, as it turns out, was in the midst of a great upheaval. employees wanted to unionize, and because publishing hates a union, Quirk opted to make work as unpleasant as possible for those trying to unionize. and when that didn't work, they chose to fire people.

this was a huge blow, as we were nearing the finish line with getting the book together and ready for publication. in her absence, we were told the junior editor would step in to be head editor. we asked for more time, as we were still struggling. the publisher was unwilling to push release back again, so we pushed through. junior editor approved our copyedited manuscript...and then she, too, was fired.

in the publishing world, authors are given something called an advance. this money is given before a book's release, and the amount depends on multiple factors. for our contract, we received payment in several parts--one of which was supposed to be delivery and acceptance. that means, when the final version is handed in and approved, we get more money. our final version was approved. we waited on the money.

it didn't come.

it's never going to come.

Quirk Books CEO Dave Borgenicht informed our agent, after he poked about payment, that he didn't feel like they'd be able to market our story, and that the project might be shelved. he also stated the money to pay us wasn't there. then, he stated that the manuscript wasn't publishable because it needed more editing and thus he was cancelling the contract.

every step of this back and forth has been a blow to my heart. it's been dishonest, evasive, shady, you name it. we've been owed money for a contract we fulfilled since July. Dave no longer responds to our agent. so getting sent an email blast about being folded into Andrews McMeel Publishing acted as a killing blow. this is especially because AMP is a publisher located right in my city.

reading the announcement made me sick to my stomach. here I am, not wanting to live anymore and literally having to ask for money from friends for simple things like toilet paper because I have nothing, and the publisher who claims not to have money and that the manuscript was bad gets bailed out. it felt so very representative of America in general.

so here I am. once again asking for help. my AuDHD makes it unfeasible to work regular jobs, and this situation has put my brain in such a state that I really am not sure I even know how to write anymore. I've been carrying this quietly but I'm not doing that anymore. I'm telling the world this story, and I'm hoping the world responds with kindness and generosity.

thank you if you've read the whole thing, and thank you extra if you choose to donate. if you don't have anything (any amount is helpful!) then sharing and spreading the word would be helpful. thanks again.