My name is Amber. I am not one to ask for help unless it is absolutely necessary. I have pondered on using GoFund me to ask for help for quite sometime now, and that time has been exhausted. I am in need of help now more than ever. Below is my story:

For starters, this may trigger some of you as it has to due with Mental Health and the way it has destroyed my life.

Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar, depression and anxiety….I also struggle with ADHD and OCD. I was very manic and reckless. I hurt my family and ruined my marriage to my then Husband, we were high school sweethearts. From that day on my life has never been the same. I got the help I needed and was on the right track, but due to my actions my marriage ended up falling apart. We had other issues, but that was the main one. I got on medication and started therapy. For years I struggled but it was manageable. Fast forward a few years to two years ago.

Two years ago was my realization that I wasn’t happy in my relationship and needed to get out. I was scared to not only be alone, but to do this single mom thing knowing not only will my entire life change, but so will my finances. I filed for Divorce which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I needed this not only for myself but also for my two teenage boys.

That first year going through the divorce was literally hell! I went through so much, between trying to figure out how to do what I needed to now that I was on my own to dealing with my now ex-husband and all the things he put me me through. I somehow made it through that year.

The second year started rough, but by the end of the year things were looking up.

On top of all this I was struggling with a lot of issues at work as well.

The beginning of this year was still rough financially and mentally. Things were thankfully starting to get better with my ex and we were finally starting to communicate better and only in regards to the boys. I was struggling financially but I was getting by.

Now this past Summer was the turning point where everything fell apart.

I work as a Preschool Teacher Assistant and get the Summers off. Thankfully I get unemployment, but it never pays enough which I already struggled making enough to cover my bills as it is.

Summer has ended and I was back to work. Unfortunately, the aftermath of not working and getting my normal pay all summer, I got super depressed. I was drowning in debt and couldn’t pay my bills. I felt defeated.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t afford my lot rent, my mortgage, my utilities, my car payment, car insurance, phone and all the other bills and everyday living expenses on top of the debt I was left with from the Divorce.

On September 22nd, my depression won and I attempted Suicide (for the third time in 3 months), I obviously was unsuccessful because my boyfriend showed up at the right time.

The next day I went to work a complete mess. My boss knew something was up and brought me in her office. I broke down and told her everything. After a long conversation and some realization, I took the leap to admit myself to Pine Rest. She stayed with me the whole time while they gave me my options. After a lot of thinking I decided to do a 72 hour old. Little did I know that wouldn’t be the case.

After getting checked in they sent me to the hospital to get me checked out. I was there there all afternoon and evening until I finally made it back to Pine Rest to get situated around midnight. While doing paperwork next heart shattered when I was told I was not allowed to have visitors besides one hour on sat and one hour on Sunday and they took my phone. The next day I was an emotional wreck and was regretting my decision. I found out I wouldn’t be there for 72 hours, but was petitioned to be there and instead of being voluntary I was now involuntary and couldn’t leave on my own.

During my time there, I saw Drs and started some different medications, did some group therapy, and met some long life friends. After 7 days I was ready to be discharged. It was the beginning of my mental health journey.

After being discharged from inpatient I was recommended to start the outpatient program. This program was during the day and I could go home at night. I went to classes and group therapy everyday. I saw different medical personnel who managed my medications and diagnosed me with another mental health disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder. Great, just another thing I have to struggle with. I did meet some wonderful people there who I’m thankful came into my life when they did. I was there for a total of 10 days.

After being discharged from outpatient I was referred to a program called Charlie Health. This program is 10 weeks long and consists of 4-5 days of consistent Group therapy, we also have weekly themes we go over to help us and our trauma. We also see a Therapist who does individual one day and Family support another day. I have been in the program for 5 weeks now.

During this time I have struggled with keeping up with my bills and keep getting further and further behind. My boyfriend, Nick, helps as much as he can but has his own bills. I’m on short term disability, but with all the extensions I have needed to get for continued care, I went three weeks without any pay from anywhere, which brought me to making this go fund me.

I am supposed to go back to work the middle of December in order to keep my insurance. The program doesn’t end until middle of January. So now I have that added stress of how to work and finish the program without losing any of my benefits.

I’m afraid the stress from all of the worry and financials will bring me back to where I was months ago since that was the cause that started everything.

I have come so far since that day and am determined to get better mentally. Not only for myself, but for my boys too.

With all of that, I am asking for help. Not only financially, but for prayers and support in anyway you can.

My story isn’t over and I am ready to live again!!