Help Amber Johnson Rebuild After Domestic Abuse

hello everyone my name is Amber. I find myself at the mercy of some assistance to help me and my 4 year old and newborn baby rebuild our lives, I currently got out of a almost 5 year relationship with a very abusive person. I wanted to share a little about my story and situation to help everyone better understand why it's so important that I can get the most assistance possible but I would be grateful for anything and if you can't donate cash even keeping me and my little ones in your thoughts and prayers goes a long way because we need it! I have been on and off with my abuser for awhile now I didn't see it at first what type of monster and the danger I was getting myself into with this person and probably because in the beginning he was came heavy with the love affection and attention so I could not see the patterns until he laid his hands on me when I got pregnant with our first child he beat my face in pretty bad and I know your first instinct is to run, well I didn't because at the time I had nowhere to live and didn't want to be out in the cold with the baby so therefore I forgave him, and of course it happened again almost a year later. the second time I just numbed it out of my head because the first time traumatized me so bad and when your someone who has never been beat up by a man this is so scary but it does something to you internally I can't explain and by that time he had already had his claws deep within me and so once again I stayed with him. after sometime the physical abuse stopped and then it turned into mental and emotional abuse he really really psychologically wore me down with the hot and cold behavior the constant breaking up making me feel bad about myself exploiting personal intimate pictures of me when he was upset with me or always accused me of cheating. after a few years this cycle was getting so severe I was starting to drink a lot to make it go away always wondered why I never was good enough. I got a DUI and it was an eye opener for me I realized he was making me self sabotage and he didn't even have to be around me to still inflict his cruel abuse and manipulation tactics and that's when I started to wake up to the relationship I started googling his behavior and I stumbled upon the term narcissist and it really truly resonated with everything I was going through with him so after that i wanted to fight back not literally but in a way where one day I could escape his grasp or maybe he would snap out of it and change, that was wishful thinking. I clearly wasn't strong enough at the time so I stayed but Everytime I stayed thing's always got more worse and he always did more cruel things to set me back in all aspects and I just got sick and tired of it I started to truly hate this person he was a good pretender and I just think I wanted to change him so bad I ended up changing in the process he moved with me into my new home I just got and was hoping for a fresh start this time I had made a plan and even though I may have seemed weak I realized all that turmoil was making me strong and then I became angry not at anyone else but him and for all the hurt he did to me so I started to use my anger I had for him to leave him and I was acting on it and standing on my boundaries he was doing disgusting things to me in the end thinking I would conform like usual but those things made me sick I just had a newborn baby in December and he took the wifi router out and threw it away I sat in silence all day with my kids and he then took the toilet paper and toothpaste from restroom to punish me because I was ignoring him he just was finding anything to hurt me but I didn't let it bother me even though it did he never gave me breaks with my newborn having not a shower in days as I watched him shower two times a day this all spiraled to the end for me. and that's why I'm here he destroyed my entire home broke cabinets broke the entire table I had to throw out he broke the TVs he took the pots and pans cups silverware he threw the baby's stuff all over my yard he broke the doors and windows he destroyed my entire bedroom broke everything possible broke the entire closet all my stuff is everywhere he took the towels all the necessities I'm sure you get the picture my kids are suffering more all their things broken and destroyed my home looks devastating I can't even stomach it I just cry! I hurt for my kids! I'm mad at myself I almost got evicted but I filed a protection order against him I need help to rebuild my home I am responsible for the damages he caused and understand I'd rather fix what he did then he on the streets with a 4yr old and a newborn I had to quit my job as well. I just don't know what else to do. I am trying to pick up the pieces when I am already in pieces I need help with rent and just thing's for my place it's so much I don't know where to start really. even though I am overwhelmed with everything I would risk it all over again to finally be free from him. thank you all for your support! SINCERELY ,a mom trying. ♥️