Help Alex Get Surgery
Donation protected
Hi! I'm Alex. I'm a 24 year old trans dude in Texas. I work at a pet store, and I enjoy creating art in my spare time. I have a wonderful boyfriend, awesome friends, and some supportive family and coworkers. I've struggled most of my life with mental illness (a combo platter of mood disorders with possible ASD and other undiagnosed mental conditions). Ever since high school, however, I've had other physical problems that only continue to get worse.
To put it simply, I'm in a lot of pain. I have fibrous cysts in my breast tissue, and they're to blame for a lot of it. The cysts themselves are benign tissue and will continue to grow, but not they're not cancerous tumors, at the very least. On their own, these cysts are tender or painful sometimes, but their weight and density are what causes my the most pain. It's like having water balloons full of mandarin oranges attached to my chest, if I'm being honest. I suffer from many of the same problems that people with excessively large breasts face: my upper back and neck pain are so bad that they now shape my day to day activities.
I've tried wearing bras, but they don’t do much to help the problem. The pain is still focused over the same area in my upper back and neck; plus there’s additional pain from the band of the bra, because of how tight it needs to be to alleviate any pain or discomfort. I bought my first compression vest after I finished high school, and the vests, or binders as they’re usually called, helped the pain so much more than bras ever did. They helped me come to terms with my gender dysphoria, and helped alleviate that as well. I'm much more likely to be gendered correctly while wearing it, and I don't have the viscerally uncomfortable and unsettling feeling of ~having breasts~ and knowing people may notice them in social settings. It would be an understatement to say that chest compression has saved my life, both physically and mentally. Without a binder, I can stand for maybe 15-30 minutes before the pain begins to creep in. And the pain accelerates quickly: once it starts, I have maybe half an hour to find a comfortable position before my muscles begin to tighten up and tingling numbness sets in. After that, I start to get dizzy and lightheaded. With a binder, that’s extended to 3-5 hours, or 6 on a good day. But the binder isn’t comfortable. The even compression is much less painful, but binders aren’t perfect. I can’t exercise or do any heavy exertion with it on, or I become short of breath and lightheaded. Understandably, this makes my job hard.
There are a lot of things that I can no longer do because of my back pain, or having to wear a binder all the time. Because I can’t do much without a binder, and binders reduce my flexibility and ability to breathe, I haven’t been able to do more than light exercise and stretches for years. I’ve gained weight because of it. Because of that, I’ve had to progressively increase the size of my binders. I’m now in between sizes, because my smaller frame paired with my chest size is near impossible to fit. So my current binder is also creeping into the “too small” territory, and all the brands I’ve tried don’t make anything for my body type either. Basically, it’s not safe for me to work out anymore, it’s not safe to swim, it’s technically not safe for me to work or be out of the house for extended periods of time... And I’m stuck with binders that don’t fit properly, which is a drain on my mental health as well.
I feel exhausted all the time. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being stuck at home alone when my friends go out of the house and have fun without me. I want to be able to go to conventions, and go swimming, and work on fitness with my boyfriend, and go on out of state trips with my family. But I can’t. I can’t do a lot of things that are considered “normal human things” and “easy to do.” It’s isolating. I’ve felt so alone, and so helpless, and I’ve considered suicide so many times because of this pain. So many times, that I can’t NOT ask for help. I’ve put off asking for help like this for a long time. I don’t want to out myself to strangers, I don’t want to disclose the details of my medical history and my medical problems. I don’t have much of an option at this point though.
I’ve tried over the counter pain medicine, I’ve tried physical therapy, and I’ve gotten prescription muscle relaxers and weak painkillers, but nothing has worked or alleviated the pain for more than a few days before it comes back just as bad as before (physical therapy actually gave me new neck mobility problems). My doctor recommended a breast reduction a while back before she decided I needed to try physical therapy and a chiropractor. And after that, I feel like that’s the best solution. Since dysphoria also wants my breasts gone and wants me to self-harm or kill myself while I still have them, I’m looking into a double mastectomy, or top surgery. I don’t think it’s logical to have one surgery, and then need to have another down the road, when one surgery would kill two birds with one stone. It would be less time wasted out of a job with two recovery periods, and I wouldn’t need extra revisions, or to pay for or go under the knife for an extra surgery that is ultimately unnecessary.
The procedure would be performed by Dr. Raphael and his team in Plano, and the surgery is a flat fee of $6000 (or $6750 with liposuction), plus a $500 deposit to hold a surgery date. If I take out a loan for this (assuming I get approved) I would probably not be able to cover monthly payments with my current expenses, so I’m going to be trying to raise as much money as I can before I schedule a surgery. To schedule a surgery, I either need to have been going to a therapist for a year, or have started hormone replacement therapy. Since I was planning on seeing a therapist for other problems and starting HRT this year anyways, this is a minor (but inconvenient) setback. While I raise money for the surgery itself, I’ll focus on starting HRT and getting some psychiatric help in the meantime.
In summary: I'm raising money to fund a surgery that will help my body and mental health, while getting other prerequisites for the surgery taken care of. I’ll be starting this fundraiser with a goal of $10,000, to cover the cost of the surgery, the down payment, and the the pay I would be missing from not working during recovery. I've included a bit of emergency buffer as well, just in case. If I somehow make more than that, any extra will go to other related medical/psychiatric/transition expenses (chiropractor appointments, medication, HRT, Name change, etc) or will be donated.
If you read through all this: Thank you! Genuinely. Even if you can’t donate or don’t want to, I’ll be grateful if you can just share this! Just a share helps a lot.
To put it simply, I'm in a lot of pain. I have fibrous cysts in my breast tissue, and they're to blame for a lot of it. The cysts themselves are benign tissue and will continue to grow, but not they're not cancerous tumors, at the very least. On their own, these cysts are tender or painful sometimes, but their weight and density are what causes my the most pain. It's like having water balloons full of mandarin oranges attached to my chest, if I'm being honest. I suffer from many of the same problems that people with excessively large breasts face: my upper back and neck pain are so bad that they now shape my day to day activities.
I've tried wearing bras, but they don’t do much to help the problem. The pain is still focused over the same area in my upper back and neck; plus there’s additional pain from the band of the bra, because of how tight it needs to be to alleviate any pain or discomfort. I bought my first compression vest after I finished high school, and the vests, or binders as they’re usually called, helped the pain so much more than bras ever did. They helped me come to terms with my gender dysphoria, and helped alleviate that as well. I'm much more likely to be gendered correctly while wearing it, and I don't have the viscerally uncomfortable and unsettling feeling of ~having breasts~ and knowing people may notice them in social settings. It would be an understatement to say that chest compression has saved my life, both physically and mentally. Without a binder, I can stand for maybe 15-30 minutes before the pain begins to creep in. And the pain accelerates quickly: once it starts, I have maybe half an hour to find a comfortable position before my muscles begin to tighten up and tingling numbness sets in. After that, I start to get dizzy and lightheaded. With a binder, that’s extended to 3-5 hours, or 6 on a good day. But the binder isn’t comfortable. The even compression is much less painful, but binders aren’t perfect. I can’t exercise or do any heavy exertion with it on, or I become short of breath and lightheaded. Understandably, this makes my job hard.
There are a lot of things that I can no longer do because of my back pain, or having to wear a binder all the time. Because I can’t do much without a binder, and binders reduce my flexibility and ability to breathe, I haven’t been able to do more than light exercise and stretches for years. I’ve gained weight because of it. Because of that, I’ve had to progressively increase the size of my binders. I’m now in between sizes, because my smaller frame paired with my chest size is near impossible to fit. So my current binder is also creeping into the “too small” territory, and all the brands I’ve tried don’t make anything for my body type either. Basically, it’s not safe for me to work out anymore, it’s not safe to swim, it’s technically not safe for me to work or be out of the house for extended periods of time... And I’m stuck with binders that don’t fit properly, which is a drain on my mental health as well.
I feel exhausted all the time. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being stuck at home alone when my friends go out of the house and have fun without me. I want to be able to go to conventions, and go swimming, and work on fitness with my boyfriend, and go on out of state trips with my family. But I can’t. I can’t do a lot of things that are considered “normal human things” and “easy to do.” It’s isolating. I’ve felt so alone, and so helpless, and I’ve considered suicide so many times because of this pain. So many times, that I can’t NOT ask for help. I’ve put off asking for help like this for a long time. I don’t want to out myself to strangers, I don’t want to disclose the details of my medical history and my medical problems. I don’t have much of an option at this point though.
I’ve tried over the counter pain medicine, I’ve tried physical therapy, and I’ve gotten prescription muscle relaxers and weak painkillers, but nothing has worked or alleviated the pain for more than a few days before it comes back just as bad as before (physical therapy actually gave me new neck mobility problems). My doctor recommended a breast reduction a while back before she decided I needed to try physical therapy and a chiropractor. And after that, I feel like that’s the best solution. Since dysphoria also wants my breasts gone and wants me to self-harm or kill myself while I still have them, I’m looking into a double mastectomy, or top surgery. I don’t think it’s logical to have one surgery, and then need to have another down the road, when one surgery would kill two birds with one stone. It would be less time wasted out of a job with two recovery periods, and I wouldn’t need extra revisions, or to pay for or go under the knife for an extra surgery that is ultimately unnecessary.
The procedure would be performed by Dr. Raphael and his team in Plano, and the surgery is a flat fee of $6000 (or $6750 with liposuction), plus a $500 deposit to hold a surgery date. If I take out a loan for this (assuming I get approved) I would probably not be able to cover monthly payments with my current expenses, so I’m going to be trying to raise as much money as I can before I schedule a surgery. To schedule a surgery, I either need to have been going to a therapist for a year, or have started hormone replacement therapy. Since I was planning on seeing a therapist for other problems and starting HRT this year anyways, this is a minor (but inconvenient) setback. While I raise money for the surgery itself, I’ll focus on starting HRT and getting some psychiatric help in the meantime.
In summary: I'm raising money to fund a surgery that will help my body and mental health, while getting other prerequisites for the surgery taken care of. I’ll be starting this fundraiser with a goal of $10,000, to cover the cost of the surgery, the down payment, and the the pay I would be missing from not working during recovery. I've included a bit of emergency buffer as well, just in case. If I somehow make more than that, any extra will go to other related medical/psychiatric/transition expenses (chiropractor appointments, medication, HRT, Name change, etc) or will be donated.
If you read through all this: Thank you! Genuinely. Even if you can’t donate or don’t want to, I’ll be grateful if you can just share this! Just a share helps a lot.
Organizer
Alex Grau
Organizer
Euless, TX