Help a trans veteran move on after suicidal ideation

Hello Internet People,

While this is not directly assistance for medical bill, I am asking assistance for debt that is the direct result of a long battle with mental health.

I find myself here to humbly ask for any assistance I can get to help me financially recover from a two-year battle with PTSD and suicidal ideation. It really pains me to have to ask for assistance from anyone, but I have nowhere else to turn.

I am a 40-year-old veteran of the US Army and an openly transgender woman. Over the past four years, literally everything I knew in life fell out from under my feet. Long story short here because I know everyone has their own things going on as well. I also understand there are others out there who need help exponentially more that me.

Four years ago, I moved with my then-wife and her kid to a new state in an attempt to iron out a not-great home situation. I lost a family member who meant the most to me, my wife had other things she was worried about, I fell into a deep depression and knew I couldn't run from myself any longer. I knew then that there was no way around it, I had to transition. That ended up in a brutally messy divorce.

Then the family member I was staying with at the time decided to move across the country and not tell me I was no longer invited once they got there. That felt like I had absolutely nothing left in this world, including my own identity, and I ended up holding a gun to my head and just waiting for my finger to twitch and pull the trigger. Luckily, it didn't happen.

From there, I arrived at another family member's house to try getting back on my feet. Well, there is a very strong rhetoric in that house based on antiquated Cold War propaganda that if you're not an extreme right-wing Republican, then you are the devil. So, while I was trying to fight my way back out of the mental prison and into being a functional human being, I was hearing the most disgusting things said about anyone who's not an old white guy and expected to just be okay with it. I slipped back into a dissociative episode that controlled my life for twenty years, but I didn't know it at the time. I became fixated on all of these things I needed to do and still had access to my credit cards while incredibly sick, and the spending started. This was the point at which I was diagnosed with PTSD, so the healing process did begin, but it was a long road with a lot of slip-ups.

The dissociation and desperate grab at anything tangible to hold onto for a reason to live ended up with a lot of "investing in myself." While always the best intentions, I may as well have used cash to fuel a wood stove throughout the winter. After a year there, I was thrown out because I was apparently responsible for giving one of them cancer and the other one migraines. All they could see is the fact I wasn't living up to their standard. Even when I would talk about being sick the attitude was "I don't understand it so you're lying."

After that, I ended up at a friend's home who took the time to understand and listen and not give up on me. I've met a new partner who keeps surprising me by ALWAYS being there, a feeling I've never had before. We are trying so hard to start our new life, but my credit card debt from the time that I was at my sickest is around $35k. It is making the process of leaving our nice safe blue state to land in a very blue city that resides in a very red state.

I'm making my comeback with a vengeance and still have the warrior spirit to stand up for those whose voices aren't heard just like mine wasn't for so long. I just need help getting there. I'm aware this is all my own doing, and I'm not trying to evade responsibility. I will keep making the payments forever while living in a car or a box if I have to.

So, if anyone can find it in their heart to chip in to get me farther from my bigoted father and into a place where I can get involved in making a difference, your generosity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for even taking the time to read this far, even if you don't feel this is a worthy cause. Hearing me out is more than most people care to do anymore.

Thank you so much,

-tay