Help A Single Mom Escape Domestic Violence!

My name is Roxanne. I’m a Massage Therapist, Hypnotherapist, and survivor of domestic violence. I recently moved to Laramie, Wyoming from Colorado. My friend ‘Wendy’ needs your help with attorney fees to escape domestic violence, get her car repaired, and keep her son safe by relocating from another state to Wyoming to be with me so she can have a clean start.

Because of the sensitive nature of the case, all names have been changed, and Wendy’s location undisclosed.

Current Situation Overview:

After years of struggling to get away from her abuser, Wendy was finally able to last year, but they still need to go through the divorce process and hire an attorney who specializes in the type of domestic violence her case needs.

She is now living in Section 8 housing with her very sweet young son, ‘Danny’ but their safety has been threatened when ‘Jack’ recently petitioned the courts to have his parental rights reinstated. Wendy was struggling to find childcare for the court date, so in mid-August, I flew out to babysit for the hearing.

Wendy had previously been using Legal Aid for advice but was able to find an attorney to agree to do pro-bono work for her. The attorney had requested Wendy put together a timeline history of the case which she provided over a week before the court date. When she arrived at court her attorney informed her that her printer malfunctioned that morning and that none of the pages printed in the correct order and that she hadn’t read the information. During Wendy’s time on the stand, the attorney became confused several times and Wendy said it went so poorly that she could see the Judge shopping for cars on an iPad out of boredom.

Despite Jack having several open abuse investigations against him pending currently, the court granted his request for parenting time and lifted the restraining order with supervised visitation only but the area they live in doesn’t have enough volunteers to supervise. The stipulations state Jack is to visit with Danny in public and have a camera on in his home at all times. Since visitation has been reestablished Jack has not turned the camera on once. Also, during the last two visits, Danny has returned from spending time with Jack with mystery bruises on his body and unusual head injuries.

Danny’s last visit with his father was just a few days ago and he has yet AGAIN returned home with a mysterious mark on the ridge of his nose and both his eyes bruised. Wendy immediately sought medical treatment and there is now ANOTHER new open case against Jack which brings the total current investigations to three.

Wendy is in constant fear for her toddler's safety, and no one should live in fear. Even though Wendy has been able to physically free her and Danny from living with Jack, their struggles aren’t over.

Hope Is Around The Corner:

Since the court date in August, Wendy has scheduled an appointment with an experienced domestic violence Attorney for the end of October. I was personally going to pay for it, but my truck broke down on September 22nd and the repair costs coupled with the car rental have taken away half of the retainer fee from me.

In addition to this GoFundMe, I have partnered with a local (to me) mental health non-profit and we have gathered a group of people together to organize tamale and bake sales. I have gotten material donations from local businesses and we have begun the process of making tamales and as many pans of carrot cake and Beirocks (German pocket sandwich) as we can in preparation for the retainer fee for the attorney.

Where Your Help Is Going:

Wendy needs help with car repairs (ideally a new vehicle) and an attorney so she can end this cycle of abuse for good. She dreams of raising her son to not follow in his father's footsteps. She dreams of him being able to grow up in the world as an emotionally mature man that can be a functioning member of society. Hiring an attorney will help her divorce Jack so they can both escape this situation and be free from the bondage of abuse. Any donations above the attorney fees will go to repairing her vehicle, and after that, she will be able to relocate to Wyoming with me where she dreams of opening a nature-based daycare facility.

Car Repair:

Wendy’s Toyota Highlander Hybrid has 300,000 miles on it with many mechanical issues. The fuel system and hybrid systems are malfunctioning as well as the traction sensors. She was quoted $3,000 - $15,000 in repairs depending on if the issues fail completely before she can raise the funds and how much damage there actually is once they get started.

Attorney Fees:

Because the courts have not taken her seriously with using Legal Aid, the pro-bono attorney, and the gravity of the three pending abuse charges, Wendy needs an experienced attorney to fight for her. For this she was quoted a minimum of $5500 for the retainer fee to get started and was told the average cost for complicated situations like this can run as much as $15,000 - $20,000.

Big picture-wise Wendy needs $30,000 total to cover everything. We will not stop until all of the monies to cover everything and both Wendy and Danny are safely residing in Wyoming!

Help spread the word about this campaign, please share this with 5 people you know who are passionate about ending domestic violence!

See below for more of Wendy’s story. A large portion of the sexual, emotional, and physical abuse has been omitted so as to just give an overview of the gravity of the situation. . . .

How It Started:

I met Wendy in 2016 at an energy workshop in Denver where we quickly hit it off. She’s outdoorsy, intelligent, adventurous, and funny. She’s one of the most loving and genuinely authentic souls I have ever met. Because of my past, making fast friends with a woman is a big deal! At the time she lived in Kansas City, MO where she had a thriving massage practice and had been working as a Massage Therapist for nearly a decade at this point and was yearning for a change but not sure yet if it would be a career change or just moving to a different state. She was in the process of healing from a failed relationship and was exploring her options for the future with optimism. I fondly recall phone calls and visits to me and my daughter where we often shared our dreams of brighter futures with each other. With each visit we became closer and she was even there for my daughter when she had an emotional crisis arise during one of her stays with us; it was then Wendy became family.

During one of her last trips to see me Wendy met ‘Jack’ through a mutual acquaintance and was seduced by him with the promises of the brighter future she was seeking. Jack claimed to be a Sexual Embodiment Coach and traveled around the US attending energy workshops like the one I met Wendy at, promoting himself as a coach and social influencer. I met Jack not long before through the same mutual friend that introduced them. At the time I met Jack, he was in his late 30s and dating a woman barely eighteen years old. She was from Canada, came from money, and he was traveling around the US with her presenting to the world as if he were funding their adventures. I never questioned where his funding was coming from as I barely knew him. Looking back, I can now see that he had no way to fund the travel himself and was actually using this young woman to benefit his social status to attract new coaching clients.

Jack told me his origin story at a dinner party shortly before he met Wendy. He told me he grew up in a bad home environment and in his 20s he got married and had four children with that wife. He became a stay-at-home dad with his wife working full-time. He told me that for a while everything was okay but after his third child was born he developed anger issues so he began traveling to take a break from domesticated life and find himself. When he got back from traveling they conceived another child but the relationship had fizzled out so he left again and they divorced. Shortly after the divorce, he told me his wife met someone else and because he couldn’t afford proper representation they banded together to steal his parental rights away from him. Since I didn’t really know him, I took it at face value although I had my suspicions. When we talked about his torrid past he was always the victim and far too eager to gossip about the wrongdoings of others.

Gloomy Future:

Wendy immediately became pregnant and was convinced to marry Jack and move to California where he said he had stable housing lined up in exchange for grounds keeping on the property. Unfortunately, complications with the pregnancy got in the way of her ability to perform physical activities and communication with their new landlord quickly became toxic. They ended up fleeing that situation suddenly and bounced around from hotel to hotel. The more stress they experienced the more Jack began blaming her for all their problems. Instead of trying to find a job to help make ends meet for their growing family he would disappear regularly and continued promoting his coaching business which actually turned out to be nearly non-existent. He was only presenting the illusion of being successful all along!

Wendy was able to find a remote admin position and provide enough income for them to stay off the street but it didn’t provide enough income for them to make enough money for a deposit or a stable place to live.

Wendy began catching him in lies and cheating on her from the beginning. As the mental, financial, and emotional abuse increased, so did the complications of the pregnancy. Wendy swallowed her pride and made the difficult decision to put their unborn child up for adoption. She was fortunate enough to immediately be matched up with a couple who paid for a stable place for them to live and her medical expenses.

The delivery for baby ‘Michael’ was very difficult for both of them. Wendy underwent an emergency C-section and her pelvic floor was deeply injured. Thankfully everyone survived but it was quite traumatic and she needed to go through intense physical therapy to recover. To this day, she is still not strong enough to go back to working in the massage industry.

Just as Wendy started to recover enough to consider going back to work she became pregnant again and there seemed to be no way out! Jack continued preying on her low self-esteem and would still disappear often to go party with other women. Every time she tried to make a break he would turn up the charm and gaslight her into believing she imagined things. Jack talked her into moving to Oregon where his family lived so they could have support from his family.

The second pregnancy was easier than the first, but the delivery was more complicated. This time, they both nearly died and baby ‘Danny’ spent his first week in the NICU. He also immediately had problems eating and consistently had colic from severe food allergies. Wendy also suffered more damage to her pelvic floor and by this time was experiencing the effects of PTSD. With this baby, she also developed a rare medical condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER). D-MER is a physiological disorder described as flooding of intensely negative emotions specifically during breastfeeding. Since she wasn’t able to produce enough milk they tried supplementing with formulas of all types including special prescription formula but Danny’s body rejected them all by projectile vomiting them. Wendy was forced to pump round the clock and find donated milk just to have enough supply to feed him. She was eventually able to find a nursing mother support group online and because of the lack of support from Jack, Wendy would regularly drive up to 45 minutes in her sleep-deprived state one way to pick up breast milk from other mothers in the group who would pump extra milk just for them. She struggled to care for this new baby but was determined to do right by him in any way she could to give him a fair chance at life.

Unfortunately, the hardships didn’t end there. When Danny was just three months old Jack suddenly burst into the living area from the bedroom in a rage because he had been woken from sleep by the baby crying. Wendy was sleep deprived and fed up so she snapped back at him. He promptly dumped out a bottle of breast milk Wendy was thawing in the sink that had taken her 2 days to pump and threatened to dump out all the rest of the milk if she didn’t shut up. She then dove in between Jack and the refrigerator to stop him and Jack punched her in the gut with Danny in her arms.

By now, she had lost her bank account due to $1,000 of overdraft fees, she was financially dependent on Jack and only had $7 in her wallet. She also had no family to turn to so Wendy desperately called women’s shelters and was unable to find anywhere that had a bed for her and the baby. She was shocked, deeply wounded, exhausted, confused, and embarrassed she let herself get into that mess. She didn’t know what to do, and Jack was always present every time we spoke on the phone. She had no family to help as her mother passed away from cancer 6 months before she met Jack, and her sister disowned her when they gave Michael up for adoption. She had no way to work from the two traumatic births recovering from the second birth wasn’t going well with all the stress from the abuse and the full-time care for this newborn that was also struggling.

Wendy was consistently researching grants and looking for resources to help her out of the situation and she was doing everything she knew to get out. She sacrificed her well-being more and more and often missed PT appointments because of her growing concern for Danny’s safety when she left him alone with Jack for something as simple as taking a shower. Every time she came back from being gone or in the other room for the few minutes she needed for self-care, she discovered a potentially dangerous situation.

For example, when Danny was 2 months old she caught Jack crushing up melatonin to put in his bottle so he didn’t have to interact with the baby. When Wendy asked her Pediatrician about it they said children under the age of four don’t produce melatonin on their own as a safety mechanism. Going into too deep of sleep could have killed him. Also, when Danny was only 3 months old, Wendy came home from a PT appointment to discover Jack had put him in a walker. Because of his age, his muscle tone was too low to hold up his head and there was a floor fan pointed directly at him – Danny was contorted, fussing, and so cold to the touch that his lips were blue!

Wendy began to leave the baby with Jack less and less and began skipping PT appointments because of the concern she had for Danny’s safety. Around 4 months, Danny started developing odd bruising on his body that Jack said was because of flopping around in his pack and play. One of the last excuses was that he had to squeeze the baby tightly in order to get him to stop crying. Up until this point, the bruising was irregular and Jack was gas lighting her into believing Danny bruised easily with how sickly he was, but with this squeezing scenario there was a distinct handprint pattern and Wendy KNEW it was Jack.

All of this only added to her concern for their safety. She knew she had to get out and continued to call the women’s shelters in the area repeatedly to no avail. She was doing everything she could and even considered living in her car as a safer option but she didn’t even have enough money to drive very far.

Help, Finally!

The last time Wendy left the baby with Jack, they had been evacuated for fires in their area and were staying with Jack’s mother, who knew the real story about the abuse history with his four other children. Her mother-in-law promised her that she would watch Danny, who was sleeping, so she felt safe enough to go to the store to get supplies for the baby. When she returned from the store she was horrified to discover that baby Danny had not only been left alone with his father, but he now had broken capillaries on his neck and face from his father STRANGLING HIM! Jack admitted to getting into an argument with his stepfather and taking his anger out on the baby.

Wendy immediately rushed Danny to the hospital for an exam, x-rays, and a CT scan. He miraculously was not permanently injured but because of the severity of the situation, the reports were filed at the hospital, and Wendy was able to get approval for a room at a women’s shelter and a restraining order against Jack.

The truth about Jack losing his parental rights came out at this point when Wendy called his first wife and looked up court records. He had actually had his parental rights taken away for physically abusing his children, not because he didn’t have an attorney!

After she got out of the situation, Wendy was able to share the abuse with me but they had a restraining order and were in a safe place. She got set up with Section 8 housing and has healthcare for Danny who still consistently gets sick. Since she got away last year he has been diagnosed with a rare immunodeficiency called Chronic Cyclic Neutropenia that leaves him abnormally susceptible to recurrent infections. What would be a normal cold or flu for most people can turn deadly for him in an instant! He gets sick often and has to go to the ER sometimes several times a month.

Because of this Wendy still struggles financially. Wendy is doing her part to manage everything by picking up babysitting shifts but she can’t commit to anything long-term with how unstable Danny’s health is. The Doctors have told her that Danny needs special immunotherapy treatments 2-3 times a week and the nearest facility for that is 3-4 hours away. Her vehicle needs extensive repairs. She has an older Toyota Highlander Hybrid and it has issues with the fuel system that’s connected to the hybrid system. The traction system also malfunctions regularly which causes the brakes to lock up which is very dangerous at speeds over 45 mph so she cannot drive on the highway. With her vehicle in its current condition, the 3-4 hour trips for Danny’s treatment would take up to 6 or more hours depending on traffic.

With your help, Wendy will be able to get her son the treatment he needs, get the legal help she needs and they will be able to get on the road to success!

Help spread the word and please share this with 5 people you know who are passionate about ending domestic violence!