♀ Hi. Nyx/Ishtar, aka EstrellaDeIshtar here.

I... really didn't want to resort to this for a myriad of reasons, but I really don't have much of a choice, so here we are. (As a sidenote, the banner is just a background I illustrated myself because I wasn't too comfortable using a selfie of myself, due to privacy & ai concerns- apologies ;;)

But hi, yeah. Things have been very turbulent for over a year now in my personal life, from 2025 all the way up until now, & it doesn't seem like there'll be an end in sight anytime soon. Sure, I've been facing constant hardship for several years of my life, but it's been escalating lately in a way that has left me in need of reaching out.

Getting to the point: the reason for this donation pool is to build funds for me to move up north to a different state, where I'd be able to be far away from a toxic environment & hopefully able to finally live my own life, as I simply cannot do that here (especially when I live in Texas of all places as someone lgbt+ & disabled). Living here has been very damaging to my mental & even physical health, both due to a history of constant emotional (& formerly physical) abuse which...

Sadly, said emotional toxicity continues, on top of now being forced into a financial codependency situation that I didn't agree to, & family actively trying to keep my name on a lease to a place that they can't even properly afford if it weren't for them turning my funds into their backup funds. Even with me saying I want to move out & start my own life, & the awareness of struggling to pay if I'm not present, they insist on keeping my name on said lease which runs very real risks to my future if they mess up payments.

In addition, I've had one family member try to pressure me into letting them use my name to buy a house under it, purely for themselves, which I have had to constantly stand my ground on because of the serious risks that puts me under financially & for my future if they fail to pay it.

This same proposal is what has landed me in a position where I'm forced to slowly repay the credit card that's under my name that they close to maxed out as well as repay a card of theirs that's under my name that they claimed they'd pay off, only to leave it to me to pay it. Due to this, I've been having to slowly repay the $6k total of debts (which I'm not even close to repaying fully, I'm just making monthly payments...), & this has in turn siphoned away my funds I was using to move out, on top of constantly having to let em borrow in any given situation which further depletes from me.

The funds that have been depleted due to this? They were going to be for me moving out, of which I made clear to them... & Thanks to this I don't have the amount I need for that, which is devastating personally considering I've been working myself into the ground in a job that is detrimental to my health just to try to build /something/ to leave, & yet...

I get that financial circumstances are complex, but shoving me into being backup funds is excessive. Because on top of this, I also have medical bills I have to keep up with due to my chronic illness, in addition to vet bills & a few other bills too, on top of having to pay for my own transportation just for work. Just over this past year, I've had to pay debts for physical therapy due to the job I work, vet debts for both Bast & another pet (that I didn't post about on social media), medical bills for constant appointments that have led to no progress with chronic conditions, as well as surgery last year & other debts from that. This, of course, has collectively depleted so much of what I could have raised for a better future & life outside of a toxic environment.

Further, living here has also impacted not only my mental health, but physical health as well. Between the constant turbulence between me & family & conflicts, the constant self suppression expected of me & being expected to sacrifice constantly for them even at my own expense, the constant guilting & painting me in a bad light for pushback, the constant enmeshment with me, among many, many other things that would take too long to detail, it's been a contributing factor in my chronic illness flares due to the stress of it all.

& Unfortunately, I can't heal from the painful things they've put me through for as long as I'm stuck here, something that even my therapist agreed on.

(As a brief note: I admit, due to past history of family having attempted to follow my social media & past posts about home circumstances that have gotten me in trouble with them, there is a bit of anxiety they may find this due to the trouble this would stir. I've had to block them as best as I can across all social media platforms for obvious reasons due to this. Perhaps the paranoia of them finding this is unfounded, but in the off chance that any explanation about my abuse circumstances disappears from this post & is replaced with something more vague, it is due to reasons related to this.)

Even though I acknowledge things are complicated with me & them, it doesn't undo the hurt, especially when me trying to address how I feel is constantly met with negativity, & its why I've wanted to leave in the first place. Its why its so devastating that my funds have been constantly sacrificed for them all while I get shut down for trying to voice how I feel about that.

I've been trying to save up anything I can from what little I have left after all the payments being made, but I've struggled to build any further savings because it's a lot. In addition, my own disability has interfered with income to some degree, as the job has been working me into the ground both mentally & physically to where I've had to miss days more often from overwork. This of course means less pay, & while I'm fortunate enough to have an accommodation to have a few days to myself, the cost is missing out on pay for those days... & There's the added unfortunate possibility that due to me struggling to keep up, I may be axed out, especially with how often the workplace rids of people out of the blue. Its either that, or I might potentially have the job finally crush me due to the severe burnout it already has me under to where I can barely function... Part of why I've stopped doing art. All of this, of course, worsening my mental state.

& Of course, if I lose said job, that means losing the funds I've been desperately trying to scramble together for moving out for purposes of healing from family, & pursuing my own future. Obviously, that kind of pressure is contributing to a myriad of downswings that have gotten to extreme lows. Having your entire life purpose at stake & your only potential escape route from a bad living situation on the verge of being ripped away from you is... soul crushing, & in addition the job leaving me with literally NO ability to cope with how taxing it is (as it eats up everything, & quite literally paralyzes me from doing anything from the intense burnout).

I don't even have the luxury of quitting to do full time comm work or be a full time artist- I don't have that kind of reach yet, & my digital tablet gave out this year (& hell, I don't even have the funds to replace even that) so I'm literally trapped in a place that's grinding me to dust & has cost me my mental health to the point of extremes. I also don't know how successful commission work would even be if I did manage to get a tablet for that anyway, so I have to remain here just in hopes I can keep gaining something to move out. I've constantly tried at least finding another job too to at least try to ease the burden of being overworked & still keep some income, & maybe free up time to figure out things art wise if ever able to, but even that has led me nowhere.

I've been trying all other avenues of income, all other methods of reaching out for help financially, & most of it has not worked / has fallen through, & this in conjunction with everything else has been reaching a breaking point. I've even gone as far as almost zero personal expenses unless its a necessity or friends get me something, & even that isn't enough to help build up my funds so they don't stay stagnant.

& I hate having to ask for help financially, but I don't know what other solutions I have at this point. & Things have gotten more dire as I don't know how much more I can handle being stuck here where I'm constantly being pushed to give up more & more of myself for others, to the point of having to dispute over the use of my name for a lease for themselves or a house I'll never live in for themselves.

This is last resort- I don't know what else to do.

The goal is pretty high, yeah, because the whole plan to move to an entirely different state is... Going to cost a lot. I wish I could also elaborate a bit further on some things but I don't want to make this excessively lengthy, but tl;dr things are bad enough to where this is what I'm pushed to do.

All funds I accumulate will be going towards moving out, or for any medical stuff as well or other things that I need it for in case somehow life decides to blindside me with yet another series of negative circumstances. I say this because I honestly don't know what to expect at this point, with how unstable things have been for well over a year now (between leaving a toxic workplace last year, surgery & hospitalizations, then of course all the other things I've reiterated that unfolded out of nowhere), but we're trying to hang in there.

Additionally, the funds will cover not JUST my move, but my cat Venus’s move as well, given she will be coming with me as she is a major emotional support to me especially in this time, & I really don't want to have to leave her behind, as that would be difficult for both her & myself.

But of course, we do need money to get her checked & make sure she’s good for travel, along with general travel expenses for her &... Well, that costs

Any & all shares & donations are appreciated- anything that can give this more reach or that brings in donations I am more than thankful for. & For those who read through all this, I appreciate you taking the time to do so. ♀