Help a Nonby Be Free

Hello there, welcome to my final plea for help.

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My bills are 300$+ a month, easily, and I'm trapped in a home with the following:

Toxic, homophobic war veteran that is fatphobic, misogynistic, racist, and emotionally abusive

A flea infestation going on 3 months now that has been only focused in the area where i live

Having had covid 4 times in one year, and still healing from the 4th regardless of how many precautions I've taken short of not going out completely as my family has brought it to me several times

No finances whatsoever over the summer due to unemployment refusing all claims from me, no food due to the fact foodstamps refuses to acknowledge that I do not have work, and my phone, one card, and a few other small things all completely draining my funds until I'm going to be at zero by the middle of next month.

 

I have lived in a home that has been so toxic, so abusive, so unloving and unwanted that I have long since forgotten how to see myself as a person. I don't identify as any gender simply because I don't even identify myself as a person anymore thanks to the years of abuse (note this was physical abuse up until 18 when I clocked my abuser back) and the acts of so many others who have completey destroyed any self esteem or mindset I could have had to feel like a human.

 

I'm crying almost all the time.

I can't even apply for income based housing.

I can't get medical help with bills and I'm on insulin due to being diabetic from having to eat cheap, horrible food that ruined my blood sugar thanks to being so poor.

 

I was kicked out of the place I am staying at and stayed with my mother, who promptly kicked me out to be with her new husband, and then forced to come back here to this place where everything has gone downhill since then. I haven't had a moment's peace as they know I am trying to leave and they are bleeding me dry and forcing me to pay for tings that I don't even really hold any responsibility for.

 

I am blamed for everything wrong here due to the neglect of the home because I don't provide financial upkeep to appliances and items that I don't use, I'm blamed for the health of the animals that THEY own, I'm just.

 

I'm at my wit's end. I'm trying to get out so I can live with my boyfriend about 8 hours away. I won't have a vehicle anymore due to my grandfather (abuser) refusing to let me have my vehicle I've been using, and purposely refusing to let me get it kept up to the point that to fix it now I can't afford it / would have to get an entirely new vehicle for how much it costs.

 

I have a way to get out in the sense of transportation, but I need money for gas (it's about 5$ out here now and driving 8 hours is easily going to be about 4-ish tanks of gas maybe to and from and to fill the truck it's about.. 70? Maybe 80? per full tank) and I need bill money for school to start, a trailer (about 220$) to get my things out what little I will be taking with me, and bill money for however long it takes to get registered as a substitute teacher out here I will be living.

 

I will probably end up draining all of this just to be able to function with everything over the next three-four months at most and I'm..

 

I don't know what else to do. I've tried offering commissions, I've tried offering sales of characters and everything and I just can't seem to get any traction or any sort of help. People can't see what I have because all of the algorithms are so against me that nothing shows and I'm ... I'm suffering.

 

I'm just desperate in need of help.

 

If you could share, if you could help, I'd ... I'd be so thankful.

UPDATE: I was asked about the medical side of my life for a better idea of what's going on so here we go. I pulled this from an old, completely failed funding attempt years ago. 

 

I recently broke bones in both of my feet, microfractures along the Cuboid and Metatarsals, as well as dealing with several disabilities that the government refuses to acknowledge due to my age. 

Physically: 

Fibromyalgia 

Tendinitis

Carpal Tunnel 

Neuropathy

Bulging Discs

Scoliosis 

Diabetes

PCOS

Narcolepsy

CPTSD

Interstitial Lung Disease due to autoimmune disorder ILD (thanks to the covid 4 times)

Asthma (no money to look further into it but i get rando sampler inhalers by my doctor sometimes)

Emotionally: 

ADHD

Bipolar Disorder with Manic Depression

Borderline Personality Disorder 

Autism Severe

AviPD

More pending a renewed psyche evaluation

And because of all of these conditions, being able to work at a normal job aside from Substitute Teaching (no summer pay) (retail, food industry, etc) has been impossible. Not to mention they barely gave hours nor offer health benefits. I am in a position where I can not work in most public situations for long periods of time due to both mental and physical state, as I can not stand upright for more than 30 minutes at a time and due to the physical and emotional abuse I've endured all 34+ years of my life, my masking abilities are no longer working as well as I need them to in order to be able to function as a normal, working adult. Or as normal as someone like me can be anyway. 

I live in an area that doesn't believe in mental health, where the medical practices want to bleed you dry rather than give you a proper diagnoses. It took 30+ years to be diagnosed with PCOS when I was told I had: cancer, endometriosis, you're just fat, and so on and so forth, for example. 

I've also had ADHD and CPTSD since I was 12, and the DPN or whatever she calls herself that I'm dealing with that handles my medication is determined to say I don't have either of it and I'm just depressed. I was institutionalized once for 3 weeks and within five minutes of talking to a Psychiatrist there they told me straight out I, at the very least, am extremely bipolar. Both doctors tried to put me on lithium, which my family is very adverse to due to allergies (they call hallucinating to the point of violent tendencies for self preservation is apparently NOT an allergy???) and so I am currently in a situation where I'm trying to find a medical professional who isn't just some watered down school nurse with a fancy piece of paper stating shes passed by the skin of her teeth. 

I've had a therapist verbally abuse me and got her fired when it was reported. I've had another therapist actually say I deserved to be abused because I wasn't mentally ill, I was just acting out for attention, and another got so frightened of how deep the rabbit hole of my current mental state was send me to a Behavioral Facility for 3 weeks to bleed my insurance dry. They wanted to keep me longer but I signed myself out after 3 weeks because the suicidal tendencies I had were getting worse and they were drugging me with 32 pills a day and shooting me up with so much insulin it was making me extremely sick.

The area I live in does not care about anyone under the age of 65. I have been living in a constant state of pain and neglect due to the fact that my home state sees your gender, your age, and your weight and now no longer will accept that there are causes for situations that would allow anyone to apply for disability. I had lawyers laugh in my face even with years of extensive medical history simply for the fact that at 34, there's no way in hell I can qualify out here, even if I was told I may be wheelchair bound at 40 due to the fact that doctors have misdiagnosed me and put me on medication that exacerbated the fibro and neuropathy. 

I need help to get out. I need help to apply. I have been trying to do this on my own for so long and I just can't do it anymore. I am on my last piece of stability and I can no longer afford medication for even diabetes or my heart. I need assistance in any way that isn't 'free help from the government' because Tennessee's 'free help' has shown to be a perfect example of 'you get what you pay for' and I'm paying for it dearly with toxic medication they gaslight me about putting me on as well as doctors who just haven't cared about my actual health. The only one who did got cancer and has since passed away so I am in a STRUGGLE situation right now. 

Sharing this would help me greatly. Donating would help me more. 

If more people were aware how awful the medical side of living with confirmed disability, but not being recognized by the government is I think it'd really shed a light as to how corrupt the world is right now. No one wants to acknowledge you can't work because if you don't make the 1% richer, you're costing them money and so go back to work regardless of the Monty Python level of it's a fleshwound that you have. 

I want to thank everyone who has already started to help or offered help, you guys are the absolute best and while I've failed at every endeavor due to mental blocks or physical impairments, I'm still trying my best to do something if anything with my life. I am and will always struggle with everything I have been dealing with, but I know if I can just get out and get to where I can actually have proper medical help I know for a fact that I could do it. 

If I could even just raise money to help pay for my botched up medical here I'd feel as if I'm moving forward, but I'm still struggling to find any professionals that will take me without insurance.

thank you again for all of your assistance.