My longtime friend and colleague Don Wright has sacrificed so much in order to help so many men over the years to heal from an under-recognized form of trauma, sexual abuse. Now, he needs your help.

My name is Stephanie Tofield. In 1989, Don asked me to partner with him in the establishment of a non-profit society and registered charity called the BC Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse. Don had just earned his Master's degree from the University of Victoria and realized an urgent need for therapy services for male survivors of sexual abuse. Don was the therapist and I was the administrator. We worked diligently and over 36 years, BCSMSSA grew into the world-class agency it is today – with 12 therapists, a Victim Services division and an education division providing training across Canada to legal teams, the Canadian Armed Forces, municipal police forces and indigenous groups and elders. We provide practicum placement services to universities and today we are recognized internationally as the experts in the field of male survivors of sexual abuse.  

In the early days, before we had earned government funding, we often opened our own wallets to pay rent and payroll but slowly we gained the confidence of funders and we began to thrive. Don sacrificed his own comfort to provide services to men whose lives and productivity were curtailed by untreated sexual trauma. Some who were very close to suicide were brought back to a place of hope and possibility with Don’s careful guidance. His whole life was devoted to these men and he never considered himself first.

We did not have such things as retirement savings plans in those days. Don purchased his condo and intended that the sale of it would keep him in his retirement if he continued to live as frugally as he always had.

After Don retired in 2019 he fell into a state of dementia - slowly at first, but it gradually worsened.

He permitted me to look into his finances, which I discovered were in a dire state. He was only days away from foreclosure. He had no awareness of this. I contacted his only living relative, a nephew in Washington State who came up and, together with a realtor, repaired the condo. It was sold in the summer of 2022. The proceeds of the sale have kept Don until now. 

Don requires 24-hour care, seven days a week. Don is loved and cared for very well, kept clean and comfortable and well fed. If he had to be moved into a government facility he would not thrive.

You often hear of men who have made great contributions for life on this planet who slowly withered away in a small room somewhere, neglected and eventually dying without the recognition of their contribution. All they really needed was someone to care for them.

I have only 10 months of care cost funds left. In addition to rent, utilities, hydro and groceries, the greatest expense is the cost of Don's care team that provides him with 24-hour, 7 days a week personal support. With this campaign, I'm hoping to reach another year of support. So I'm reaching out to the community, to those who have known Don, to those whose lives have been touched and even saved thanks in large part to Don's tireless efforts over the years; and to those who may simply be moved by his story.

In 2017, the Ministry of Public Safety presented Don with their annual Community Safety and Crime Prevention Award of Distinction, recognizing "an extraordinary lifetime contribution and commitment to crime prevention, restorative justice, victim services, and community safety". While Don was justifiably proud of this recognition, what would mean the most to him today is knowing that, over its 36 years of operation, the Society he co-founded has treated over 10,000 men – men who have been healed of their trauma and gone on to lead productive lives.

Now, I'm reaching out to the community that has benefited from Don's vision, with the heartfelt request to give whatever you can afford to support this remarkable man who now needs your help.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any contribution, of any amount, that you can spare, or just for your sharing this campaign with people in your own network.

In deepest gratitude,

Stephanie