Heartlight Documentary
Donation protected
I've been dealing with severe depression since I was nine.
In my lifetime, I've lost three friends to suicide. I'm not alone...so many others have lost loved ones. So many others deal with anxiety and depression; and I have found a comradery with them on the internet.
After losing my friend and going through a divorce, my depression spiraled out of control. I slept all the time, I would wake up late and my kids were constantly late for school, I was afraid to be around people (I am naturally extroverted), I couldn't hold a job down, and I hated everything. So I poured myself on the internet; particularity twitter and a Facebook group. And I found so many other people who felt lost like me. If they weren't going through a transition, they felt misplaced or like they didn't belong to anything or anyone. I have felt this way most of my life so it was a relief to be able to talk to people who understood and have tried everything to get of our their cages.
Depression is a fucking liar. And if one isn't given the proper support early on in life, handling stressful life situations can be overwhelming; we cannot dictate the environment we are born into and it can be a treacherous struggle to come out of a dark place.
I am lucky. My sister (who is working on her masters in counseling) took me in and I was hospitalized for a week. I told her I wanted to kill myself; I had made all the plans. I did everything I could possibly do for myself and I still felt like I wanted to jump off a building. And I sometimes still struggle with it; I probably always will. And I can't describe how that place feels. People often say, "What about your kids?" or "What reasons do you have to be depressed?". The only thing I could think was that they didn't need me, that I had already fucked up enough and that life would go on. I wasn't thinking about my sister or my family - I just wanted some relief. Mental illness is like a cancer of the brain and because emotions are often viewed as abstract, the science behind the brain chemistry that can explain the physiological part of mental illnesses is often ignored.
The focus of my film is to provide a platform for those who are suffering or who have loved ones who suffer from mental illness. Candid interviews, laughter, and a peek into the minds of some of the most brilliant people I've conversed with on internet that have made me laugh and made me feel less lonely in the world.
As I tour the United States, I will upload short videos on my progress. And I plan to feature many of the artists, musicians, and performers I have networked with. In the end, I hope to create a film that is engaging and useful to others who suffer from the same things. And maybe, just maybe if more of us human beings see other human beings saying what they cannot say or express then they just might want to open up too.
All of your donatations will go to cover travel expenses.
For updates on my progress, go to http://heartlightdocumentary.com
In my lifetime, I've lost three friends to suicide. I'm not alone...so many others have lost loved ones. So many others deal with anxiety and depression; and I have found a comradery with them on the internet.
After losing my friend and going through a divorce, my depression spiraled out of control. I slept all the time, I would wake up late and my kids were constantly late for school, I was afraid to be around people (I am naturally extroverted), I couldn't hold a job down, and I hated everything. So I poured myself on the internet; particularity twitter and a Facebook group. And I found so many other people who felt lost like me. If they weren't going through a transition, they felt misplaced or like they didn't belong to anything or anyone. I have felt this way most of my life so it was a relief to be able to talk to people who understood and have tried everything to get of our their cages.
Depression is a fucking liar. And if one isn't given the proper support early on in life, handling stressful life situations can be overwhelming; we cannot dictate the environment we are born into and it can be a treacherous struggle to come out of a dark place.
I am lucky. My sister (who is working on her masters in counseling) took me in and I was hospitalized for a week. I told her I wanted to kill myself; I had made all the plans. I did everything I could possibly do for myself and I still felt like I wanted to jump off a building. And I sometimes still struggle with it; I probably always will. And I can't describe how that place feels. People often say, "What about your kids?" or "What reasons do you have to be depressed?". The only thing I could think was that they didn't need me, that I had already fucked up enough and that life would go on. I wasn't thinking about my sister or my family - I just wanted some relief. Mental illness is like a cancer of the brain and because emotions are often viewed as abstract, the science behind the brain chemistry that can explain the physiological part of mental illnesses is often ignored.
The focus of my film is to provide a platform for those who are suffering or who have loved ones who suffer from mental illness. Candid interviews, laughter, and a peek into the minds of some of the most brilliant people I've conversed with on internet that have made me laugh and made me feel less lonely in the world.
As I tour the United States, I will upload short videos on my progress. And I plan to feature many of the artists, musicians, and performers I have networked with. In the end, I hope to create a film that is engaging and useful to others who suffer from the same things. And maybe, just maybe if more of us human beings see other human beings saying what they cannot say or express then they just might want to open up too.
All of your donatations will go to cover travel expenses.
For updates on my progress, go to http://heartlightdocumentary.com
Organizer
Stephanie Vela Anderson
Organizer
Austin, TX
