Health, Identity, and Safety 4 Jodi

Hi,

i rlly having are hard time coming to terms with being on here right now requesting support, but i've found myself at my limit for what i'm able to do for myself currently.

the past couple years have been really hard... i've moved 2 times, been dealing with intense mental health/ medical situations, losing connections to family, and just trying to find my footing throughout that. i've since found my partner, a loving community, and a connection to things i really care about, (shows, art, friendship, inner work). i've also been on hrt for just over a year as of april, which has been life changing and feels like it's saved so much of me.

during all of this, i've had medical emergencies, lapses in insurance, car repairs, mental health crisis, and its left me feeling completely paralyzed to be able to make it through. it's like every single moment i've been trying to find ways to dig myself out and up to a place of safety, and security. there was a period last year where i would go to the er like 2 times a month, because my reality was so distorted, and i kept thinking things were forming in my limbs and body. i've been experiencing varying degrees of psychosis, and perceptual distortions.

What I need Urgent Funding for:

Health Care: When i had a lapse in my insurance, (this was an error that has occured 2 years ago) I lost coverage and i had to pay out of pocket for both prescriptions and therapy sessions, as well as delay doctors appointments. I also am in need of a psyche eval for medication per recommendation from my therapist but this may have out of pocket costs as I'm not sure my insurance will be able to cover it. This has cost me close to $1000

Identity Documents / Help With Establishing Primary Domicile: i've been trying to establish primary domicile in NY, i still work and spend most time in MA, but really have been needing to make my way to a place i can officially claim as rented apartment and live at. This will help me get insurance, get a new drivers lisence, update my passport, and finally get things sorted on that end. I've been pulled over by the police alot, because I'm targeted with out of state plates. I look nothing like my old license since transitioning, and depending on the day of the week or how i am presenting I fear this is a legitimate threat to my safety. My name change was unsuccessful in MA because the clerks at the court house (after 4 visits) called and admitted that a clerk gave me false information, so i spent over $300 for nothing, and don't trust the process there, and have delayed that so i can just have an ID that looks like me, i feel unsafe to change my name on any of my documents as of right now because of this administration and what its been doing to trans people in terms of ID. I calculated costs (registration fees, passport, license, new social security card, fee's, any unpaid tolls) and this unfortunately comes to a total of around $1000 :(. I just want to be legitimate on paper in the eyes of people who can make my life a living hell and have, and it feels urgent and crucial to do so considering the climate we live in.

Lastly.., My car: I rely on my car for everything, from getting me to my 5 days a week commute to work, to taking myself and my partner to essential health appointments, to being able to show up for community, throwing shows, getting groceries, literally everything. My car is getting pretty beat up, and theres a list of repairs its going to need for it to pass NY state inspection let alone get me to and from places safely. this totals about $1000

In Short: Mental Health Crisis Caused Financial Instability, Identity Documents So I can Remain Safe, Car Help So I can remain mobile, safe, and take care of myself and my partner: Cost: $3k.... but i dont feel comfortable asking for that much bc im scared so im considering 2K as a goal right now..

This feels f***ing awful.. and its something I'm never not thinking about. I work so much, and do so much to make progress / support myself, partner, and others, but with all of these things weighing, I'm honestly in such a delicate place where if one thing collapses, everything around me could, and has very quickly collapsed. I experience daily alterations in my peripheral vision, that range from just visual to auditory, to any sort of distortion or paranoia. I'm taking some time off work at the end of april to try and gather parts of myself back and plan, but am worried about my resources during that time, and just need some level of help so i can start to scoop everything back, which I feel with this funding could really be a glimmer, and help in doing so. I want to be in full care of myself, and partner, and just need a bit of help for the time being which is why i'm asking. It feels urgent, beyond what i'm familiar with, and my family doesn't understand / isn't understanding of mental health / trans issues, so they aren't an option to rely on as tensions with them surrounding identity, and life have been frought to say the least.

I have 3 shows coming up that i want to be able to be present for as well, with so many wonderful people / friends, and I just also want to be able show up for that community, the ravers, the creators, and just humans who've added so much to my life in recent years.

i love you all, and just cannot emphasize how much this would mean to me & partner if you share this around if you cannot directly support. ✿<3 Jodi