I grew up in small-town Ohio, with an ambition to express myself through fashion, photography, performance, and writing. Fetish and BDSM have been a curiosity since childhood, and I discovered the business in my twenties, after moving to New York. Being a professional dominatrix has been more than a job to me. It is a lifestyle, an intellectual stimulus, and, most important, an authentic and unique way for me to live my dreams of artistic expression. I put most of my earnings into the art form and am recognized for my distinctive fashion, photography, and interviews. I did not expect to be terminally ill at this point of my life and career.
I have always been disciplined and interested in health. I've spent my life experimenting with diet, exercise, and spiritual growth. I’ve been juicing daily and practicing yoga for over fifteen years. I was never sick, not even with colds. Ovarian cancer is known as “the silent killer,” as the symptoms often don’t appear until the cancer has advanced and spread.
My illness made itself known in August 2016, when I experienced a fever that lasted two weeks, with an average temperature of 102˚Farenheit/39˚Celsius. I was traveling at the time and believed the sickness was the result of too many planes and a poor diet. Finally, I went to an emergency room, and had a CAT scan of my abdomen, which was bloated. I was told that I had large cysts on my ovaries but was assured that ovarian cancer was extremely rare for a woman in her thirties. I returned to New York and lived in denial for a few more months, as it took time to find a surgeon and set a date for the surgery.
On November 22, 2016, I underwent major surgery, and woke to hear the awful news not only that I no longer had my reproductive organs but also that I had stage III rare ovarian cancer (MMMT ovarian), which had spread to the colon, liver, and small intestine and that those tumors remained in my body.
I wanted to reject chemotherapy, which is completley against my beliefs as a holistic health practitioner, but I could not deny the aggressive cancer that remained inside of me. My first day of chemo was the worst day of my life. But thankfully the treatments, in combination with my holistic practices, killed all visible cancer. In March 2017, I was declared cancer-free and ended chemotherapy. I continued alternative treatments and maintained a healthy diet. I believed I could have my old life back.
Sadly, the cancer has already returned (October 2017). It is visible on my liver, the lining of my stomach, and a lymph node. I began a new regime of chemotherapy on November 6th.
During this next battle in healing, I must dedicate myself solely to my health and life goals. I can no longer maintain my business, which has been struggling since the initial fever in 2016. This campaign is to fund my life expenses and well being, which I can no longer support on my own.
I will keep this account updated on where the funds are going - most urgently to NYC rent, bills, holistic treatments, and travel. Travel is a necessity, as it allows me to visit my loved ones and restores my faith in and passion for life. All holistic treatments are out of pocket and are essential for managing pain, anxiety, and cell repair.
Although I have faith in my healing, I can not deny the prognosis, and must spend my time completing my life mission. Of utmost importance are time with family and friends, spiritual searching, and artistic merit. When I focus on these goals, I am at peace with my situation.
I hope that telling my story will be of use to others and I feel it is my duty. When I was searching for women like me who were going through the traumas of cancer, I was disappointed that I did not find many I related to. I have ambitions to speak more publicly about my life, as a source of healing for others. I'm considering a YouTube channel and more writing in the future. I hope not only to be an aid for women with cancer but also for people wanting to discuss sexual issues, mental health, and other topics.
I will maintain my social media and fetish modeling as it is very important for me to feel connected to my supporters, and to feel beautiful in spite of the disease and the challenging treatments that accompany it. I'd like to show women that we don't have to give up our glamour or sexuality with cancer. Fetish is still a passion of mine and always will be.
Funds are needed urgently. Every donation, large or small, helps. If you cannot donate, please share this page. I appreciate every bit of support and hope you will follow my journey.
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