Help heal me, Caroline and my little family
Introduction
My name is Caroline Feiffer, I am a designer, young mother to a baby girl (Clio) and wife to a super hero of a husband (Steffan). I got diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma first in 2019 and again in 2020. I am asking for your help to heal and cover expenses.
My story
In the early summer of 2019 everything was perfect, blossoming perfect like the break of spring culminating with summer. Earlier that year we had welcomed our baby girl and were filled with so much love and dreams for our little family. Unfortunately as the summer went, I got more and more tired and suddenly had to nap during the day. I suffered from mastitis several times and was hospitalized for IV antibiotics as the tablets didn't work. It passed and I was telling myself that the tiredness was probably just about becoming a mother (although I still couldn't believe that was the reason as our baby girl was super easy). The tiredness got worse, was sweating severely at night and was loosing weight rapidly. I found myself at my doctors after a swollen lymph node appeared on my neck. She sent me away and said it was probably just hormones and that lymph nodes commonly swell when the immune system is at work. She said to give it a few weeks and then reschedule if it was still there. Meanwhile I was preparing our move to a small cabin house by the sea, we were seeking time away from the city, to connect with the nature that we love. We were gonna live there close to the woods and with the sea in our frontyard. But we only got to be up there for a month. The first week we were unpacking and enjoying the last of summer with plenty of swims and pram strolls by the beach with our at the time 6 month old. I was still tired and blamed it on the move and was looking forward to a longed for travel in Italy for the remaining of late summer and fall, but that travel was never realized. One morning when we woke I couldn't get out of bed. I simply was tired in all parts of my body and couldn't rise. My husband went for a stroll with our baby in the woods and when he came back I sat on the floor and played a little with her and said “Something is really really off, I think we need to drive to the city and see the doctor tomorrow morning”. The next day we drove early and came back late in the evening. I still remember this day down to every detail. We came back home with shocking news, after a day of being sent to different doctors ultra sounds etc. When I write this I can recall the feeling and tears are running down my cheeks as I tap on the computer. One of the doctors came and took Clio, my little baby who was 6 months old and not font of being with strangers, she cried while the other doctor said we needed to come with her to her office, by then I knew, I think we both did, as we held hands like we would never let go. The doctor said that my lymph nodes looked suspect and enlarged on the ultra sound and that she had called the hospital and informed that I might have Hodgkins Lymphoma, a cancer type that's systematic and spreads via the lymphatic system.
From there it went quickly. I had scans and blood tests, a biopsy and operation to take the biggest lymph node out to microscopically investigate the cells to confirm or diss-confirm if the lymphoma cancer was in fact Hodgkins Lymphoma. It was, and it was advanced and stage III out of IIII. The treatment was chemotherapy for 6 months every 2nd week and it was intense and hard, not possible to work alongside, but most difficult I was informed, that I needed to stop breast-feeding immediately and was given a week, I realized in that moment that I could no longer be my baby girls primary, and to this day that is still one of the hardest emotional happenings after a now 1.5 year long treatment journey.
6 months of chemotherapy went by lost my hair, my muscles and had a changed appetite. But it seemed to work — halfway through I was starting to feel better, despite the side effects which can be difficult to navigate from the root of the problem. By the treatment termination I felt much better and the final scan showed complete response to the treatment, the cancer was gone! I had a beautiful spring even though society locked down due to Covid-19 and we couldn't celebrate with friends and family and planned travels were cancelled as I was immune compromised. We focused on nesting and healing as a family and were sesrching for a new place in the city to call home, as we were forced to leave the cabin by the sea for a tiny temporary flat back in the city to be closer to the hospital while undergoing intense treatment. We found a new apartment and it was perfect, old and with lots of soul. We designed some changes and my husband started working on the renovation. It was now summer 2020 and I suddenly started to feel tired again. I had been in parks playing and running with our girl, but suddenly couln’t find the energy. I knew, but wouldn't really believe it.
I was at my 1st controll visit and my doctor said there was nothing to feel, I said that I felt off and had pain when swallowing, he said it was most likely in my head and that I was a classic case of a patient who couldn't believe that I was cured, and that I should be careful with sharing to many concerns with my better half as this could result in destruction. Nevertheless he asked if I would feel safer if I got an ultra sound, and I said yes.
Next day I went and got the ultra sound and it showed suspect lymph nodes again, one particularly by my thyroid gland. Before I knew the treatment wheels were running again only this time it was even harder (at the time I couln't understand that was even possible) They were using everything in their cabinet as my doctor said, first operation, then 3 rounds of 48h of a chemotherapy with extreme consequences and side effects every third week. I remember thinking while undergoing the first round that this couldn’t be a cure — being so painfully draining. After those 3 rounds, they harvested my stem cells, I then had 10 days of radiation twice a day and then high dosis chemotherapy for 5 days to destroy every cell (good or bad) in my body. Then admitted to get the transplant of my stem cells. It was a nightmare for 11 days, but then it started to change and be tolerable pain when my bone marrow started to work and help with rebuilding. For the duration of 10 days I didn’t see nor speak with my daughter as I was in too much pain, or away on painkillers and lastly lost my voice due to the painful side effects of the high dosis treatment. In this period my husband was the only one allowed to visit due to my isolation and Covid-19. The amount of happiness when coming home to my little babygirl is indescribable. 8 weeks has now passed after my stem cell transplant, I am still recovering and will be for the duration of 6 months at least, I am being followed regularly as my relapse came quickly after the initial treatment. I have had one scan which showed no cancerous cells which is the best Birthday and Christmas present I could wish for and I am grateful to be home with my husband and little daughter.
Funds to help heal and cover expenses
During my treatment my husband stopped working to take care of our baby and me. And even though medical expenses are covered in Denmark, it was/is still tight with living costs. We decided to use our savings and prioritized being together as we calculated with an initial treatment duration of 6 months. That was the plan. Until it wasn’t. By the time my husband had planned to start working again we found ourselves in another nightmare when the cancer came back, only this time it wasn’t an option to deal with the daily treatment program alone and have our babygirl in daycare while Covid and my non existent immune system. We had no choice but to close our eyes and just be in it. Luckily we sought several several funds devoted to mothers with cancer (even though it was hard to find the energy to do so) we are grateful that we got a few so we could manage to focus on being together as a family without me having to go through treatment solely, our daughter being send to daycare and my husband working and taking care of me and her when coming home. Now we are creating this Go Fund Me donation to ask for your help and support! First and foremost for my continued recovery which includes a lot of private treatments that aren’t covered by the state and is proven to serve as fundamentals for a profound recovery to avoid relapse of the cancer in the future. But also so we as a family can have some time to heal without worrying how to cover expenses for these months ahead with my continued recovery status and treatments before we both can take up full time work and normalize our life. We dream of a time without daily hospital visits, to enjoy our little girl without dealing with cancer alongside. To experience the innocence of baby and child life every day, without interrupting thoughts of treatment plans and worries. We hope to be able to rise funds so we can focus on healing these months ahead instead of stressful thoughts about our current insufficient financial means.
If you have read through my story I am just humbled that you have spent time to do so — thank you for taking the time. Every donation big or small is a great great help and we are grateful for any support.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Love,
Steffan & Caroline and baby Clio