Headstone for Alissa

hello everyone my names Eleanor. I'm fundraising in memory of my little girl Alissa who lost her fight and sadly passed away last year at only 6 weeks old. I'm wanting to buy a headstone in memory of her life and for somewhere for her baby brother to go visit in the years to come. Some of you know her story and some don't so it felt only right to share with you all her little but amazing journey.

it all started back in 2017 when i found out i was pregnant with my little girl. i was so excited for her arrival! the whole pregnancy had its ups and downs due to me being poorly every other month. But that's what some pregnancies are like eh?!

The morning before our lives changed myself and my partner Daniel were setting up our little girls room ready for her arrival. That evening was when our lives came crashing down.Everything was going good until that evening i felt really unwell. i paced up and down trying to get the pain to go away - being sick every other minute. i rang the hospital to ask what was happening and i was told to try and calm down and take paracetamol and call back in an hour. (Bare in mind  was 35 weeks) being a first time mum i listened to them as would anyone. I took some paracetamol and waited an hour. Still no change! At that time i rang my partner and he rushed to get me and we headed up to the hospital. When we got to the hospital it was a waiting game to be seen. Little did everyone know that i had a placenta abruption. I got hooked onto the monitors to check she was okay and then we was left for about 40-45 minutes like they do with everyone. The nurse later returned, took one look at the machine and then said 'I'm going to call the doctor' I was so scared at this point. The doctor came rushing in and looked at the monitor. he said 'your baby needs to come out NOW!' i got rushed of without knowing anymore information. I was so scared. My partner was terrified being left alone in a room all by himself not knowing if either of us was going to make it. a few hours passed and i woke up in a side room with my partner, my mum and her partner looking over me. I was so confused, everything happened so quickly. But one thing wasn't right. Where was my baby? A nurse came in and said that my little girl had stopped breathing and it took them 17 minutes to get he back to life but because of my placenta abruption she was starved of oxygen and was born blue and floppy. She had been rushed to the nicu unit and put on a ventilator to help her to stay alive/breathe for her. I just wanted to see her but being in so much pain i couldn't. I send my partner down to see her with my mum and her partner. I just wanted to be alone and cry. So many questions running through my head. What did i do wrong? Could i of saved her? Will she be okay?
Later on that day i managed to go see her. She was beautiful. So swollen and bruised but still so fragile. I was so in love and extremely proud of her. I was told that she wouldn't make it to the end of the day, but we had hope. I prayed every second of the day that our baby girl survived and she did. We had many meeting to be told to take her off her ventilator and just 'let her pass away' but how could any parent let that happen. i stood my ground and waited another day. i'm so glad that i did as when we took her off she started breathing herself. My little miracle was proving everyone wrong. 
A few weeks past and we were allowed to take her home. She was tube fed but my partner and i was so glad to take her home that we got trained on how to feed her. We finally got to show her her room that we had done for her. We bathed her, cuddled her and watched her sleep. She opened her eyes a lot and cried a few times (we got told she wouldn't do either) We were so blessed that she was still here with us.

3 weeks past and we thought that everything was okay. Little did we know that our baby wasn't doing so well. An ambulance came to the house with oxygen as she was struggling to breathe. We were told again to hold her and let her pass. I wouldn't let this happen! I was not giving up without a fight. I demanded that she was to be taken to hospital to make sure that their was nothing else that could be done to save her. Their wasn't. I had to watch my baby slowly die and not be able to protect her from it. She lay in my arms and that's where she took her last breathe. I screamed so loud, i couldn't believe that my baby had gone.. She was still so beautiful. Her skin became cold and purple and that's when i knew i had to leave.

Leaving the hospital that day was so hard. knowing that she wasn't coming home broke my heart into a million pieces.

Still to this day i cry a little every night and i see her in my arms when i close my eyes. i will never forget her.

The reason behind this go fund me page is that when she passed away she blessed us with her baby brother. He will grow up knowing all about his big sister but i am wanting a place for him to go and sit down and chat to her. It would mean the absolute world to me if i could make this happen.

thankyou for reading my story (i tried to shorten it) and i appreciate any donations big or small. i know my princess will be thankful too <3

Donations (0)

  • Megan Humphries 
    • £5 
    • 6 mos
  • Charlotte Davies 
    • £20 
    • 7 mos
  • Lauren Fisher 
    • £50 
    • 8 mos
  • Sarah Lawrence 
    • £10 
    • 10 mos
  • Amy West 
    • £10 
    • 10 mos


Eleanor Taylor-verlaan 
Didcot, South East England, United Kingdom
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