Shaving my mug for a furry hug!!!

27 years.
 
For 27 years I fought the internal battle. The internal battle that consumes you, wears you down and mentally exhausts you.
 
I’m Tracee, I’m 41 years young and I live with depression and anxiety. I fight it daily. I live it and I breathe it.
 
I don’t expect people to understand what it feels like to be me, to live my life and face my daily struggles. I don’t even wish that they understood because what I go through every day would take experiencing it first-hand and I don’t want to wish this on anyone.
 
So, it doesn’t faze me when those around me say inconsiderate things or wonder why I’m always tired because I know that in most instances, they’ve never had to consider the draining impact it has on you internally. The never-ending feeling of “will I experience a normal day again”. I’d love just a normal day.
 
How do I combat it?
 
How do I force myself into making small changes to better myself?
 
I’ve worked some things out about myself. To push myself out of my comfort zone and to try to break the anxiousness. As hard as it is, I find that to let go of my own personal control helps to break down the anxious wall.
 
These are the moments that I forgo my control. These are my gamechangers.
 
The first, I jumped out of a plane. I’m totally helpless to anything and my life is in another person’s hands and trusting they’ve packed the parachute and harnesses correctly. I have to trust their control. Their process. Their skill and training.
 
The second, I competed in an all-natural body building competition, to which I am being critiqued and judged on my physical appearance. There was 36 months of dedication, commitment, structure, and routine to get the belief of being worthy to stand up on stage. I won both Victorian and National Championships for my category.
 
The final and biggest gamechanger was taking myself off the anti-depressant medication.
 
I lost count of the times I’d seen the doctor. I felt that throughout the last 5 years before coming off them every time I saw the Dr they prescribed a higher dose. It started at 50mgs, then 75, then 100 and before I knew it my dose was pushing the maximum dosage. I felt it was a band aid. I didn’t feel in control. I felt numb. I had no feeling. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t sad. I was numb to all sense of feeling. It was at this point that I had the realisation of this because I started my fitness journey.
 
The moment that I took myself off them I instantly got emotion back. I learnt to cry. I learnt to smile. I learnt to love - not only my partner but most importantly my son and myself.
 
This was my biggest game changer. This was my proudest achievement, other than the birth of my son. Having the strength, the courage, and the drive to stop and learn about my body. What it responds to, how it responds and to most importantly, listen to my body.
 
I’m not afraid of fear. I don’t let fear consume me. It’s not what I’ve done, but what I’ve overcome.
 
And what does this all mean. Why has it led me here?
 
It’s led me here because through my darkest days animals gave me the inner spark. It may have been small, but it was the shining light that always made me feel a sense of calm. A sense of being loved. A sense of acceptance.
 
My horse Poppy. He loved me unconditionally.
 
From my very first dog Jack, then Crusier, Archie, Monty, Mocko, and now Skyy and Bobby fill me with warmth. No matter what mood I’m in when I walk in the door, they’re glad to see me, they are an instant mood changer. They’re there to lay on my lap when I need a cuddle. They’re there unconditionally. They know no other way.
 
Animals fill people’s lives with this love when they can’t find it within themselves. They know when you’re sad, happy, angry, and depressed. They feel the energy. They live your energy. They know how to respond to your energy.
 
If the last two years have taught us anything, it’s proved the impact that animals have on our lives. When the human interaction was taken away from us, we relied on our animals to be that place of comfort and with whom gave us a sense of warmth.
 
It’s well known that dogs listen with their hearts and reply with their tails.
 
This is why it’s so important to me. If I can help one, just one person, give them the strength. Give them the inner warmth and inner calm that my animals have given me, then my journey here is complete.
 
I will be shaving my head, losing my security blanket, my image, my look. I want to force myself out of the comfort zone and make a sacrifice so that someone else can have the inner love and calm that they deserve from an animal.


Animals have played a massive part in my life with helping me deal with my mental health.

 

This is my way of giving and helping someone else who is experiencing the struggles that I've faced and somewhat overcome. When I reach $5000, I will be shaving my head completely and donating the money to Therapy Animals Australia.

 

I'm raising money in aid of Therapy Animals Australia Ltd & every donation will help. Thank you in advance for your contribution to this cause that means so much to me.

 

More information about Therapy Animals Australia Ltd:

Therapy Animals Australia assists people with disabilities and mental health conditions. They actively promote mental health and support people in improving their quality of life, through making training service dogs and therapy dogs more accessible to those in need.

 

Therapy Animals Australia provides a range of support programs including animal assisted therapy to individuals, schools, childcare centres, hospitals and various workplaces.